Turns out I'm a terrible friend

I sort of half-assedly tried to catch up with an old friend tonight. After actually catching up with another old friend.

Turns out this second friend hates me. HATES me. She had a laundry list of complaints, and basically told me I had a lot of nerve to even bother talking to her.

And she was one of my best friends.

I don't have a lot of experience in my life with losing friends. I generally keep friends. And I thought I was a good friend. Generally speaking.

Turns out I'm not.

So, she's made it very clear how unwelcome I am in her life, and it breaks my heart. It doesn't change anything in any practical way, I haven't seen her in ages and we don't really have any common friends between us... but it still really hurts.

I feel terrible that she feels I've wronged her so much.
I feel terrible if it's true.

And worse, I think she was actually trying to hurt me. To revenge herself on me in some way. To make me pay for being a bad friend.

And that hurts even more.