The Downward Spiral

holidays

2008-11-17T23:51:17Z

i've been so disturbed for so long that i think, move, & act slowly & reluctantly when i do almost anything. my "parents" keep harassing me about getting a job. they act like my existence is not justified just b/c i don't have one, & they treat me like a machine. my "parents" are condescending & calloused.

when i was younger, they would not let me do regular social activities. as a result, i never developed adequate social skills. sometimes even strangers that i come across for the first time become confident that they can pick on me & get away with it (& usually, they do get away with it). my social skills are so awful as to prevent my employment. & why don't i have social skills? b/c of my parents. so how could they blame me for being unemployed?

very rarely does anyone voluntarily contact me. exaggeration: i feel like everyone has friends except me.

over the holidays, i get pretty disturbed - last time, i called a teen crisis hotline. i'm afraid that that, or something more severe, will occur again.

upcoming holiday loneliness terrifies me.

dnward_spiral @ 2008-01-12T00:31:00

2008-01-12T06:35:51Z

I've had a friend in the past who've pretended to be "depressed" for attention. When I look back and think, it truly does astound me. I don't think I could ever come to understand why anyone would fantasize about living in a world of darkness and pain. Thankfully this person has been out of my life for nearly a year.

Based on some of your experiences, to those who feel the need to answer, what do you guys think of such a mentality? Do you think it's by any means right? I know I've been dealing with depression and anxiety for my entire life...and I could never understand why anyone would WANT to be depressed.

dnward_spiral @ 2007-09-27T08:23:00

2007-09-27T12:25:06Z

We Lost sad_little_scar (Krystle) one year ago today..
She was very active in this community.
We'll be going out to her grave today to light candles for her.
Please let me know if theres anybody in here who knew Krystle and would like a candle lit for her.

Missing you - Jem
I wish this could be
a happy song
But my happiness disappeared
the moment you were gone
Don't think I ever believed that
this day would come
Now all I'm feeling
is lost and numb

And ohhh I know I promised
Mmmm that I would try

But I, yes I, miss you
and it's killing inside

I'll always be thankful
for the time we had
We were blessed
I should celebrate
but I feel too sad
All the wonderful memories
just make me fall apart
And it feels like somebody's
stabbed me in my heart

And ohhh I know I promised
Mmmm that I wouldn't cry

But I, yes I, miss you
and it's killing inside
Ooh well I, yes I, miss you
want you by my side

Walking, holding hands
Talking, making plans
Touching my heart my soul

I wish this could be
a happy song
But my happiness disappeared
the moment you were gone
Tell me it's not happening
Say it's not as it seems
Tell me that I'm gonna wake up
It's just a bad dream
Please tell me that it's fiction
Tell me it's just a lie
Whatever you choose to tell me
Please say he didn't die

And I, yes I, miss you
and it's killing inside
Ooh well I, yes I, miss you
want you by my side
Ooh well I, miss you
want you by my side
Back here by my side
Here by my side

X Posted in my own journal as well

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dnward_spiral @ 2006-03-05T01:24:00

2006-03-05T06:23:26Z

for those of you in this community who have been inpatients in a hospital, how did you end up there? were you baker-acted or did you voluntarily go in? and what were the circumstances that led up to the decision of going in-patient?

Members Only - Please Apply

2005-05-10T16:49:11Z

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