No Judgement, Just Writing (copyrighted)

Silent Warning

harpoon_me — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 21:05:47 GMT

The silence screamed a warning

But only now do I realize

Now when it’s too late

The abyss screamed in the silence

Giving me every chance

Falling in the helpless dark

My love, never forget me

I don’t want to be just another

The daily routine hides more

The demons as they jeer

Now I scream a warning

In the silence of my poetry

Do not fall, my love, do not fall

It’s too late to save me

The abyss has won

Never forget, never forget me

I’m screaming, though not breathing

I can’t breathe, I’m dying

Do not fret for me, my love

Just do not become like me

Do not fall, resist the abyss

My mistakes are a silent warning

I love you, don’t run from me yet

Do not let me pull you down too

I ignored the silent warnings

Hear mine, my love, hear mine

Do not ignore this, please

Please, promise I won’t be just another

Another face, another name, another love

As I fade into the abyss

God, the belt, I can’t breathe

I ignored the warnings, every warning

Laden in the silence

I should have feared the demons

Before they dragged me down

Fear the demons, fear the graves

Do not ignore this silent warning

Hear the warning, do not repeat this

One soul lost to the darkness is enough

Do not follow me, my love, don’t follow

This is my warning, my last warning

Do not follow me here, my love

The abyss has taken enough already

I ignored the silent screams

Of the ones who came before me

Do not mourn me, my love

But please, love, please don’t forget

Don’t let me fade among those lost to you

I’m not just another

Don’t forget me or this silent warning

Do not ignore as I did

Do not suffer as I did

Nor should you let yourself fall

The abyss cannot take you, my love

It’s too late for me to make it

Save yourself, love, listen, be warned

Hear my last silent warning

Do not join me, love, not yet

Hear the warning, do not forget

Memories 5-17-07

hardchoices — Tue, 22 May 2007 05:19:21 GMT

Remember that song we danced to
the very first night we kissed
Oh baby, I hope you hear it
and I hope you remember
how you felt
I hope that when you see the stars
light up like they did
in your eyes that night
I hope that when you start to see
life like I said it should be
I hope you think of me

When the rain falls down
like it did that day
that we went swimming
when they left us alone
And we just wanted to
get lost in each other's arms
I hope you remember me
For who I was with you
And not the way
we left each other
in a bitter rage

'cause memories
are all we have now
But they're stronger than an image
When you've loved like we have

So when that rain falls down
when you hear that song
We danced to that first night

When you think true love
and your desire to be free
to be so in love that
a simple kiss
will leave you so happy
you can't speak
Baby, think of me

Letting Go 4-21-07

hardchoices — Sun, 22 Apr 2007 03:31:37 GMT

The phone disconnected. I heard the faint clicking sound that couldn’t do justice for the breaking of my own heart. My eyes burned with tears, and I watched my hand shake as I searched for the number in my cell phone to call him back. It’d been so long since I felt like this—so unbelievably afraid and shocked—that I was hysterical.

It took three tries before he answered the phone, only asking “What?” in an extremely rude manner. I asked him why he did that, and he could only answer that he didn’t know.

My entire world was crashing. Memories played through my head of the way things used to be. I remembered the first time he had asked me out. Back then we were kids, just discovering what love really was. We’d never tasted true love before, and we could only tell that it tasted a lot like the sweet things that you shouldn’t always have too much of, but just enough. I remember how awkward the first kiss was, but how the last time we’d kissed seemed much easier and more comforting. Things with him were always comforting. I couldn’t understand why he was trying to destroy everything we’d worked so hard to get. It burned my chest to compare the way he used to be to the way he is now.

“I don’t love you anymore,” he lied.

It wasn’t denial that I knew it wasn’t true. I just couldn’t give up on love completely, because he had taught me that.

“I’ll always love you,” I said helplessly, through tears that were only reaching for his heart to care. He showed no compassion. He showed nothing, but the desire to be free of his tie to me.

This conversation was the worst ten minutes of my life.

Ten minutes could not destroy two years, though. Two years of fun, joy, pain, hard work, marriage proposals, one expensive ring, hundreds of dollars of gas money and first-time sexual experiences, that he almost made so hard not to regret.

We both hung up a conversation of which I did not want to leave, and I cried. Quotes ran through my head of how a person was supposed to stop when the only one who could stop the tears is the one who caused them. I hated the idea of loving once and losing is better than never.

Even still, I gave up. I gave up my dignity and my way of fixing things when he had told me what he’d done with a girl who isn’t me. I had already watched him try to get me to do something I didn’t want to, as if it was going to fix everything, but I refused. But it almost seemed like teaching him that sex wasn’t going to fix everything would be worth it, but someone else got to do it for me in a way that only hurt me.

I couldn’t save him.

He was broken, lost, and had no values. I clung too hard to my own values; a trait that only made me, now, like other times I’d been hurt, to build my walls and let no one into my heart.

He taught me not to.

Despite how bad he had made it end, true love is one thing many do not get to taste. He shuts me out now, but I’ve seen something he doesn’t share to others. I’ve seen his heart. That is something one does not reveal by anything physical, but it is revealed through the soul connecting to another. Despite its rarity, true love is one thing that is proven the strongest when it must be let go.

I let him go, and then, after two years, I learned what true love really was.

Never Enough

hardchoices — Sat, 24 Feb 2007 05:06:01 GMT

"Never Enough"
2-23-07
Jessica "Jade" Wettig

I'm not sure that this is right
I know it's just not fair that it is
I used to be so sure,
so sure of everything
And now I'm losing all of me
I sit here wishing it was
like it used to be
when dreams didn't know
that reality would keep them
from coming true

So I finally learned what love was
finally got someone under my skin
Far enough to be miserable enough
And learn that love isn't enough

We're both on two ends of a phone line
Neither one of us has called
Sitting here with everything
We've believed in at our hands
Growing up to learn that it's not enough

I drowned inside your soul once,
lost myself inside your arms
Forgot the harsh reality at my door
Then you went away from me
And I sat, learning that the truth isn't
something you run from
It just catches up to you in the end
But you will always be one of my dreams
that I could never keep a hold of
Because reality tore us apart
Just like it always does
And I sit, unsure of everything
wishing still that you were here
that both of us were stronger than this
that I really was stronger than you

Gothic Christianity and Love 2-4-07

hardchoices — Mon, 05 Feb 2007 03:47:39 GMT

I gave up
gave up on what other people think
And gave in
went back down the road
after I found out who I am
decided not to be anywhere in between
But myself in a light
wearing black and not darkness

I looked back at what I aid
when I told you I don't need you
but want you so bad
Held up the ring you gave me
and the ring with the cross beside it
I gave up fighting happiness
'cause what we both need is to be given love
'cause there's all this love in my heart
that God and I left for you

And you took it
You cannot take it back

I called you on the phone
found some verses
I imagine now telling you everything that's hard to say
stare at the Bible while I'm crying
Letting black tears flow a black river of glory and love
Love formed with a soul tie
between two people from different worlds
and habits and wishes
That came with a loyalty
we were both looking for

I gave up, I'm giving up shame
Letting myself go
'cause I've been hurting too long
'cause I was trying to be someone I'm not
But you saw me, you saw right through me

Also posted in christianpunkz

Look at the Sky 2-4-07

hardchoices — Mon, 05 Feb 2007 03:46:34 GMT

Look at the sky and watch it rain
Dance around, let the black smear from my eyes
And I'll be beautiful
'cause there's something going on today
Something new and free
that's fulfilled a void inside of me

I looked in the mirror
And accepted the girl
who never fits in
I could have obsessed over imperfections,
but beauty comes in its own forms
I wore that cross over black clothing
And I'm still the dark poet in the cornerAnd Ive still got that piercing in my nose'cause there's areason,
my heart is still full 'cause there's a reason

Look at the sky
while you're dancing in the rain
Let down your guard,
be free from shame
"Say I am Lord" he said
"And you'll be free from all sin"
It's amazing how truly simple
And accepting
True Christianity is

These were also posted in christianpunkz

let's talk about love

hardchoices — Sun, 10 Dec 2006 05:38:07 GMT

Oh gosh...love. What is love? Look at what people think of when they think of "the one"...how perfect and ideal they are. Just look at the materialistic qualities and the superficiality of it all. I mean, come on...look at Romeo and Juliet. They died...for each other. Some might argue that that's not how love is supposed to be, and in a way they would be right. Love shouldn't be so limited and judged, but respected. Is that how life works? No. It's not, and it's never going to be. But Romeo...he killed himself because he thought he'd lost Juliet...and if she didn't wanna live then neither did he. Maybe someone shouldn't be your entire universe in theory, but it sure is nice to have someone who can keep you together when you lose everything else....because everything else that we consider to matter so much can be gone in a heartbeat. That's love. When someone gets inside your veins and makes you so happy and so hurt that it feels like you're bleeding endlessly and yearning for some kind of hope...that you really do have if you just give in...that's love. When someone comes in...and changes your entire universe...that's love. When you'd die for someone...really die...that's love. When you'd rather die than be without them, that's love. Don't you ever take it out of context. It's power is what makes it eternal.

hardchoices — Fri, 04 Aug 2006 23:01:39 GMT

I just kinda made this to see if anyone would wanna join.
Any takers?

hardchoices — Fri, 04 Aug 2006 18:43:16 GMT

I wrote this about my eating problems...
my dreams in music...
my boyfriend...
and life itself...inspired not to give up

Indeed, the very hairs of your head are numbered. You mean more to me than many sparrows.
Luke 12: 7

But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."
1 Samuel 16:7

Here's the world
looking in the mirror
when your shirt's too short
and your stomach's not perfect
your hair's going in different directions
but overall you can decide
that you really kinda like it

Oh, you can't help but think
you've got something to prove
so you feel a little stronger
when you're becoming anorexic

Believe me, I know
when you're losing control
unsure what to do about
the things you've always wanted
And the dreams you've always had

But at leas there's someone who loves you
all the time, who makes you happy
Nothing's so bad, so wrong
if it makes you happy

Today you ate a little breakfast
'cause you're not so sure
you really wanna lose it
But right now
you're debating to get used to
eating smaller portions
or eating close to nothing
Believe me, I know

But throw that magazine away
'cause lies lies lies is all it tells
fight those voices inside your head
'cause all they say is that it's
up to you, but control
is what you want the most
(And it's what you're gonna lose)

But at least he's callin' you when he can
tellin' you to hold on tight
'cause together you both can do anything
You've got your dreams you've always had
And you're gonna regret it
if you don't try
It's what you need to make you happy
So you know it can't be that bad

Just like this all makes you feel strong
Lies lies lies is all it is
The truth is you just wanna be okay
I wanna be okay being me

'cause at least I know who I am
And someone who holds me
And doesn't run
when the days get dark
and pain starts sinking in
The sun still shines every day
And this fight I'm having
I'll find a way
to get through to just being me
'cause you know this isn't me

This is about my boyfriend's home life

hardchoices — Fri, 28 Jul 2006 21:44:50 GMT

Drama
Written 7-27-06

All this drama gets us nowhere
And your message is
I'm not getting what I want
I'm not gonna be happy this time
Just like last time
I'm gonna be yelled at and cursed
I'm supposed to sit here,
take it, and something else
that we're not quite sure of
And me not doing it
is really getting on your nerves

I'm gonna be alone tonight
No one but you
is allowed in my world tonight
'til you say so
'cause I did something wrong
like I always do
I'm just so bad to you
I always deserve all this anger from you

All this drama just gets deeper
You make me hate my life
I can't have this
I can't have that
I can't grow up
And I can't stay young
I'm so confused
I just want out of here

'cause I'm just crashing harder
I'm never left alone
I just want out of here
before I turn out like you

hardchoices — Fri, 07 Jul 2006 04:20:33 GMT

unless i update tomorrow night, this will pry be my last update for a little while. i'm goin' to florida with my parents...so...i hope you all miss me. <3

keep posting!!!!! we haven't many updates in awhile.

scratchxmexdown — Fri, 16 Jun 2006 02:13:57 GMT

literally just wrote this in 10 minutes....
so, sorry its so like....weird.
its not my usual style, its like, a mix of mine and something else. I dunno.

any of the quotes that are italicized have actually been said in our conversations...

Can we get out of here?
Because my walls are closing in,
and with you here beside me,
I'm afraid it will hurt you when they fall.
We will leave the radios playing your favorite song
And we'll leave ourselves turned off
Turn all the lights on so they think we're home.
I don't care if we have nowhere to go
Because anywhere we go,
is better than anywhere I've gone alone.
We'll pack up your car,
I'll bring my guitar,
if you'll bring your smile
And we'll drive during the day
and we'll sing during the night
Until we fall asleep wrapped in our embrace
And I'll steal the covers,
if you'll steal the pillows
You can wake me with your kiss
and ask me,
"I think we were made for each other
do you think this is right?"
and I'll tell you,
"Oh Jamie, I've been looking for you all along.
It's just taken so much out of me in the search,
that I've become boring and dull,
And my scars have refused to fade,
and I have become ugly.
I hope you understand, I'm nothing more than
An emo chick at heart"
You'll laugh and roll your blue eyes,
and look at my green eyes, gently
As your hands run down the side of my face
and pick my chin up for a kiss
you'll say,
"Then I apologize, because I am no more
than a silly little emo boy.
But I do know, is that this blue eyed emo boy
Loves the green eyed emo girl next to him
And the scars will heal with time,
For the beauty is in my eye,
And I find you amazing, where you find yourself flaud."
I laugh, and wipe tears from my eyes
and stand on my tiptoes to kiss you
as we settled into the bed of your wagon
We'll begin to talk about the words we've never said
and how the pens play a roll in life that can't be mistake
as you roll over and write line on a napkin,
A happy line that an Emo boy should never write.
"You can't write a happy song, you're an emo boy"
I say, in hesitation, hoping to hear your laugh
that makes me want to cry it is so beautiful
and you reply,
"Emo boys only write songs
when they find the girl they spent their life looking for"
I smile, as I climb into the drivers seat,
And drive us away in the night,
From where we didn't have each other
to a place where we will start new,
And when we see all the phone calls we've missed
from people who never kept a promise,
we'll laugh and you'll say,
"I should have kicked his ass anyways"
And I'll laugh, and roll my eyes, and smile
something that has been hidden for years,
and your blue eyes will meet mine at the yellow dotted line
where we'll become the only thing we'll need
until the never-ending road ends

hardchoices — Thu, 15 Jun 2006 20:39:59 GMT

Banner codes are changing.
Photobucket must be more organized
Check the info :)

scratchxmexdown — Sun, 11 Jun 2006 16:37:39 GMT

This is my first post, I read the rules over, but if i did anything wrong, I apologize.
I wrote this about a boy that saved me from my ex, and then through me to the curb, while everything he said was still etched into my mind. We had the same birthday, the same colour eyes...it was one of those things that should have worked, yet you knew it couldn't ever happen...
eh, whatever.
so yea, lemme know what you think.

Title: 31

There is a horrible silence about being in an unlit room.
The awkward way that your breath falls steadily on the cold air,
Visible in the florescent screen of pure lies and pictures of the girl you just wish to be.
Theres something special, about the way those tears fall against your faded jeans,
That no one else knew about but me, broken up over anything that resembled the past.
"Youre better off without him anyways"
"Talking to him, is like walking into a punch in the face"
There was no apologies from the boy down the street.
Who stole the only thing impossible to get back.
While never caring about the consequences his actions had on the poor girl
"Im the reason you dont pick up your phone"
So theres a new number in store, which was never there
A little white lie here and there, never hurt anyone but yourself.
And there are plans being made that involve and revolve around you
That you never end up attending due to circumstances beyond your control.
Theres worry in her voice, a sadness, a desperate plea for you to be there at all times.
She dreams when she sleeps alone, that shell finally drive away from this place.
Then shell gain her sense of self, and find the right time to release it.
All the while, you wont be there, exactly how she wanted it
And yet nothing how she needed it to be.
"But I'm not speaking up, i'm not killing this"
And as she gets on the closest highway, toward the direction of you,
With Ivydrive coming through the speakers
"I can turn the music on, shout out everything you are"
"Oh Matthew, I am a liar, and I am sorry!!
I have gone places that I dont ever want to remember.
And when I leave him at the station to travel miles away from here, ^{from me...}
There is a feeling, as though I am never going to see him again.
All i want is to spend every waking moment with him...
I need to figure out if there is any light left in his beautiful green eyes.
He was the only one I met who could light my silent awkward room with just his smile..."
Silence fills this black room, glowing by a screen with the picture of two people
That will be erased from the memory of anyone who needed it as a reminder
.
.
.
"I'm sorry...I just want you to know that youre beautiful"

hardchoices — Sat, 10 Jun 2006 22:18:52 GMT

Dance in the Rain 6-1-06

hardchoices — Sun, 04 Jun 2006 19:08:19 GMT

Something brought us to this darkness
And I'm not sure how we're gonna get out
Someone let us fly beside them
giving us wings to take a chance
But now that love is fading
it's not supposed to be like this

Let's hope to God it won't go away
But take my hand, I swear we'll make it
I swear we'll stay up all night
if that's what it takes
I swear this rain is gonna fall so hard
but it'll be so beautiful when it's all over

So let's go dancing in the rain
And take this heartache for all it is
And all it's got
Because our hearts are fragile
holding onto every ounce of grace
Let's go, take my hand
And we'll dance in the rain
hold each other all night
Never let go,
we'll get through this together

With or without love
knocking at our door, anymore
'cause tonight we're holding it open
just a little longer

Let the rain come in,
we'll dance, take my hand
we'll get through all of it

Bad Day 6-1-06

hardchoices — Fri, 02 Jun 2006 02:15:50 GMT

It's gonna be a bad day
Strung out on too much sugar
So I'm gonna have a headache
And I do
And I miss you
I wanna know why
you're not here
And why you had to go
Why you had to disapear

You gave me a bad day
Because I gave you my heart
I trusted you to try
I trusted you when you said
I changed your life
I guess it wasn't enough,
I guess it wasn't enough for you

I'm gonna feel strange
And I do
You left all these empty spaces
I don't know what you
expect me to do with them
I just wanna talk to you
I wanna hear your voice
and hold you close
There's nothing like holding you

You gave me a bad day
Because I gave you my heart
I trusted you to try
I trusted you when you said
I changed your life
I guess it wasn't enough,
I guess it wasn't enough for you

Why'd you give me a bad day
All I ever did was try
Why didn't you try
Tell me, why can't you be here now?
Why's it gotta be so hopeless
Why's it gotta be so unfair

I had a bad day
I blame you
Because I tried
And I tried
But you didn't

hardchoices — Sun, 28 May 2006 05:11:58 GMT

hardchoices — Sun, 28 May 2006 04:39:33 GMT

What do you guys think?

Silver Lining (dedicated to Amanda Petts) written 4-29-06

hardchoices — Sun, 30 Apr 2006 04:55:14 GMT

I first saw her with purple hair
I fell in love with that
I first cried to her on webcam
Just to let her see
what I buried inside
And she wasn't afraid
I was amazed

I first broke her heart
when I acted like I didn't care
I forgot how to show it
She helped me remember
I felt bad
when I had other people coming into my life
But it was okay, it was okay

It's like silver lining in a dark cloud
when a teenager girl lost her way
And only wanted someone, a friend
to understand
Someone she could trust
That was you
I was rescued in a different way
By you, by you
You wanted to let me fly

I first thought I lost you
when you said I could do better
That hurt, it hurt
I called you a liar
You stayed,
why'd you stay just because I needed you?

Why didn't you walk away
when I made it harder
I made you fight harder
I made you cry
I hated that

My heart broke when I thought I lost you
And again when I thought
I broke your heart
My soul opened when I cried to you
I latched on
because you're one of a kind and
more than you give yourself credit for

They Tell Me, They Say--3-27-06

hardchoices — Fri, 07 Apr 2006 14:49:24 GMT

They tell me I'm wrong
I'm in for destruction
They tell me I'm crazy
And don't know what love is
I'm tired of this game
Never could live up to their expectations
I hope the truth is they wish
they could have this
A desire like this
rarely comes strong
And it's put out fires
miles and miles long
It's not about pride
It's not about being too young
It's about life and
not letting the good things slip away
They don't have to like it
They don't have to understand
As long as it's clear to me
That I know where I stand
I won't be tired down
But I'll be set free
Finally someone like you
with someone like me
'cause life is too short
to just choose to wait
I'm tired of waiting
I won't let my heart go to waste
Tonight I'm deciding
that I'm just gonna try
And if they don't like it
have them look me in the eye
And tell me they've never had
the same dream
And sense of being lost
'cause I wanted faith
And I found myself
in arms I wouldn't trade
for anything else
A place to take refuge
Away from the storm
A gateway to Heaven
And something worth living for
So Good-Bue to the world
And all of their claims
Because we put ourselves above it
when I chose to take your last name
It's gonna be hard
but it's always been tough
And every ounce of you
has been more than enough
I can let go of my past
if you'll be my future
I'll take your hand
And we'll never be alone again
'cause there's something about
you holding on tight
I see mny reflection when I look in your eyes
The best part of me
All of my soul
Everything, I swear
to never let go
They say it can't work
I say they wish they could believe
in something like this
I'm such a mess
And I need room to grow
Nowhere else could be better
I couldn't ask for more

This Side 12-25-05

chyse — Fri, 30 Dec 2005 22:58:57 GMT

I messed up this time
Way too cold this time
Can’t believe I pushed you
Can’t believe I hurt you
Made you cry
I never wanted
You to see me be hateful
The hurtful side of me
I always fight
It wasn’t even that big of deal
It wasn’t even worth it
I’m so horrible
And all you did
Was worry about
How you made me feel
When all you did
Was be too perfect already
I didn’t want you to see
The side of me
That’ll tear you down
You even make it okay
Although I still hate it
You make it okay top be me
Be the girl who tries
As hard as she can

Morality Went Away 12-30-05

chyse — Fri, 30 Dec 2005 22:51:29 GMT

Morality was here yesterday
But morality went away
At least how we used to know it
Because love became stronger than pride
And you became my dignity
It didn't seem like
there was a price
and it still doesn't
I swore I wouldn't be this girl
But that doesn't matter anymore
Nobody wants to be alone
Everybody wants something
that's stronger than anything
And someone to wake up next to
who loves you with all they have
Morality's face changed today
Or maybe the world's stories
just didn't matter
when I started writing my own

Don't Believe: 10-27-05

chyse — Fri, 28 Oct 2005 18:04:55 GMT

It's around you
Scaring you, burning you
Pulling you in
But you know this is beyond society
Don't believe in ending relationships
You don't want to end

He told us for life,
one life-long person
to finally fill the void
And you've learned you can't change people
But there's nothiny yiu wanna change
Don't believe in ending relationships
if you don't want to end them

There's something brighter
that no else else can see
A distant attachment
You've never felt
You're never too young
when you know such purity,
innocence
You don't have to end it
if you don't need to

No one can take away
what you feel inside
You're the person, deep down
who you've always been
They're the one who loves that
As well as they're who they were born to be
Don't believe you'll have to end it
if right now it's all you want

Fight for You: inspired by Amanda Written 7-31-05

chyse — Mon, 01 Aug 2005 05:09:13 GMT

I'll fight for you
Because I feel how much you need osmeone to
I barely know you
And I don't know how much
We could be alike
Don't know where this is going
But I'll fight for you
Just because you need someone to

I'm watching you go to bad
but I saw you once at good
I'm at a loss for words
You're losing hope
I wanna give it back to you
But I can't, I don't know how

All I can say is that
I'll fight for you
Because I want to

What you don't know is I could go for miles
Just trying to hold you up
When you're falling
over pain I can't remove
And what you don't know is
how much I'm already stuck on you
Because I see something in you
And I'm not sure what it is

I'm not looking for anything in return
I just don't want you to be all alone

I'll fight for you
I'll hold you up
Because you need someone to
And I'm the one here, with the oppurtunity
I'll be here and there for you
Because I want to
At no expense to you