Shelly-Bo-Belly

piratesrock89 — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 19:17:45 GMT

woah lj still exists.
<3cooper
</3 homework does anyone know how to get in touch with kelly zutrau? since we're going to college together id wanna talk to her

piratesrock89 — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 19:47:26 GMT

oh hey. i still have a livejournal.

piratesrock89 — Tue, 01 May 2007 21:33:59 GMT

dear shelly,
that's bullshit and you know it is. considering the fact that i apparently lose every fight for everything iv ever cared about. and i didnt think this was so much to ask for. but i guess it is. senior year sucks.
from, shelly

piratesrock89 — Tue, 01 May 2007 21:01:05 GMT

dear shelly,
anything that's truly worth having is also worth fighting for. get over yourself. learn to not be sorry for taking up space. MOVE.
from, shelly

piratesrock89 — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 18:16:55 GMT

these past two days have been unbelievably beautiful.
they've also been insanely dramaful and stupid.
i dont want to get into it, but this just doesnt feel worth it. any of it.
and i cant even look forward to next year becase i dont trust myself to succeed at college. iv forgotten how it feels to know things teachers are talking about. i cant do homework anymore. im terrified that i wont be able to get into gear by the time school starts.
and that on top of this whole shitload of drama is pushing me past my breaking point.

piratesrock89 — Sun, 22 Apr 2007 16:50:03 GMT

amazing day thursday
<3cooper union

amazing day friday
<3 hippiefests/cutting school

amazing bieginning of day saturday and ending of day
<3 random track meets with mike and watching boys flip out about guitar hero

lots of calc hw today
buut
its so nice out :-D

piratesrock89 — Mon, 16 Apr 2007 18:51:00 GMT

hm.
lots of drama/bullshit going on that i dont really wanna post online. in any case, im glad its over, even if its maybe not the outcome i was going for.

cooper union cashed the check....im really going there! :-D im insane with happiness, and also driving myself crazy from nervousness. but for the moment, im really happy.

everything just seems to be ok right now. ok in a good way though...not the ok you tell people when you're upset and dont wanna tell them. a good ok.

piratesrock89 — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 21:05:01 GMT

so i was talking to michelle huber the other day and i found out that ill be going to college with kelly zutrau, and at first i was really excited. then i realized i havent talked to kelly since 2003. and we havent been close at all since 2002. and i guess i sort of forgot just how long its been since iv been at camp, or talking to camp people. i talked to michelle the other day. i instant messaged briefly with alice. why do i feel like i have to validate these friendships? why does it take so much effort to just pick up a phone when i know that i want to talk to them? iv lately not made any effort to see anyone-not even the people that i live near. im worried that im letting my relationships with everyone go. i need to stop that before college. like, now.
anyways.
thats it.

piratesrock89 — Mon, 02 Apr 2007 18:26:15 GMT

i thought id feel differently about this.
but im still ok.
not gonna lie, its probly just cuz im still floating from cooper union.
but either way, for my last summer home i should probly spend it right there...at home.
yeah i applied for jhc staff and didnt get it.
but from what iv heard...staff is gonna be amazing, and im hoping to come up and visit at some point...so good luck to everyone and have a really good session!

piratesrock89 — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 21:33:35 GMT

im in love in love in love with life starting september

life just got so much better

nyc is amazing

cooper union is amazing

everything is amazing

:D

piratesrock89 — Tue, 13 Feb 2007 21:13:09 GMT

really really happy.
i honestly thought i didnt care...and maybe i woudnt if id have gotten bumped...but im like...insane with happiness right now :D:D:D

bored

piratesrock89 — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 21:18:35 GMT

RULES: Each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 10 weird habits/things/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names. No tags back.

1) on sidewalks and things my left foot cant step on the cracks. only my right foot.

2) when i meet strangers that i know ill never meet again, i turn into a culpulsive liar. not like big things. just little storries that could actually happen. like once i fell and my eyes teared up and someone asked what was wrong and i told them i had been having a fight with my boyfriend, which turned into a 20 minutes discussion. i didnt even have a boyfriend at the time.

3) when i was little, instead of imaginary friends i had imaginary horses. i used to draw pictures of them and the stable that they lived in.

4) my greatest fear in life isn't death or pain or disease. its not getting in to college. id rather die with potential than live as a failure.

5) and yes, i know that some people do amazing things and dont go to college, but i wouldnt be able to.

6) i dont like plain sunchips. i like the different flavors, but the original ones bore me.

7) iv always wondered why cheese tastes so mcuh better when its string cheese. like the stringy kind. i tried biting in to a solid stick, and it was terrible. i peeled off a string and it was all of the sudden good.

8) those dorky pep talks actually do make me feel better even though i pretend to be totally cheesed out when i hear one. sometimes when im feeling down i take out my harry potter books and read the little speeches dumbledore gives harry because they make me feel better.

9) something else i do when i need to feel better is open my math textbook and do random problems. not like really hard ones, but complicated ones that take a while.

10) i cant drink out of an already opened water bottle thats sitting on the counter or something. even if i was the one who drank out of it first. it just flips me out.

umm...i tag jess, puja, shannon, colleen, colin, stephen, uhhhh...whoever else still reads lj and would like to fill it out

piratesrock89 — Tue, 23 Jan 2007 01:52:04 GMT

shelly can be brave.
shelly can be brave too.

yeah?

piratesrock89 — Sat, 20 Jan 2007 20:17:52 GMT

i dont actually have anythng to say.
iv been listening to a lot of ani lately.
it centers me, but it also makes me feel really unsettled.
where did the old me go?
i miss her.

oh.

piratesrock89 — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 18:10:26 GMT

hmm i left school at 11 to fill in for my mom at her job...except nobody's calling which makes this fairly boring.
since i skipped any kind of reflecting or anything on new year's eve...ill make up for it now.

i've gotten a lot more anal about school. not really school i guess, i just alwasy feel like i have to be the best at everything...and school is all that iv really been able to channel that into. i dont find any of that to be good. i think a lot of whats happened this year is just that iv tried to reinvent myself...and now i dont like who iv become. and i dont think other people do either.
iv just been really lonely lately. i guess its just...i surround myself all day with the same few people, so when they're unavailable, iv got no one. Maybe its just that last year at this time i had the track team and everyone in the play and everything else. as much as track was never something that i was excited about, now i dread going everyday. i miss the team when last year's seniors were on it. i know its not just me ans tha its not much of a team anymore, but i just feel like im not any of the gorups anymore. and the play hasnt started yet, and im not involved in the musical at all, whihc hasnt happened since seventh grade.
and i feel like im the only person in the whole world who hasnt gotten accepted to college. it doesnt help that i thought id have found out about binghamton by now and last night i found out that my transcipt is apparently MIA, so i guess i wont be hearing from them. i dunno. i feel like everybody's drifting, and iv always been the one who drifted not the one left behind. and i guess this feeling is why people didnt like me going to camp and having that whole separate life. now iv got nothing.

i want to go to college.
i know that by the time i actually go, ill miss everyone so much, and be less enthusiastic, but right now i just feel like im ready. when my mom lets me cut school to write down phone messages, you know that classes have never been less important.

oh, yeah, and i want to be smart again. iv never felt so fucking stupid in my entire life.

6 months early

piratesrock89 — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 00:29:04 GMT

i officially own the prettiest dress in the entire world. its soooo pretty. and i know that prom isnt for 6 months...but its not like i was shopping for the dress it just kind of happened. ahhhh its soo pretty. i was wearing it around the house today and it was insanely fun. then i got changed and looked in the mirror and thought...oh..i look normal again...lame. but ahhhh im so excited :)
and everything else is pretty good college applications are basically done although im still considering GW and MIT, but really im done. hmm. that might be it. im a little nervous that even if i get in to college ill flunk out. but i cant worry about it yet.
oh, and its almost christmas which makes me really happy :-D

piratesrock89 — Wed, 22 Nov 2006 21:55:12 GMT

oh.
big crash from last night.
if only because it was so amazing and today so...isnt.
and.
eh.
im sick of the telephone. mostly because lots of people were supposed to give me directions to locust fields and no one has, and no one pciked up when i called.
and im broke.
yeah.
un-motivated to do anything to make this day better.
but then i think about how thanksgiving is tomorrow and i so dislike thanksgiving, so i want something good tonight to get me through.
and im getting that itchy rowesick feeling again, and i hate to say it but i just want to get over camp. im sick of holding on to something that doesnt give a shit about me.

yeah.

CELEBRATE

piratesrock89 — Thu, 09 Nov 2006 02:18:02 GMT

im practically crying form happiness right now.
is it melodramatic to say that america is saved?
oh fuck it, livejournal is supposed to be melodramatic.
WE WON!!!!!!!!!!

by the way-to those of you who feel that you should "get extra bolt locks while the lesbians and gays rampage through the streets" i wasnt aware that gays and lesbians were so hostile. or that the Democratic takeover of Congress would lead to a "reign of terror."

so shove it colin!

senior year is fucking annoying

piratesrock89 — Mon, 16 Oct 2006 20:38:13 GMT

i feel like i should have realized that senior year isnt as easy as i thought it might be.

maybe i shouldnt have taken the classes that i took.
maybe i should have tried harder in tenth grade.
maybe i shouldnt regret stuff like that.
maybe i should figure out what colleges im applying to and actually apply.

yeah.

:)

piratesrock89 — Tue, 10 Oct 2006 01:40:45 GMT

:-D :-) :-D

piratesrock89 — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 20:29:09 GMT

hmm
this weekend was realy nice
i got to see my baaaabies :)
(by baaaabies i mean the kids i lived with this summer)
and i visited rpi, whihc was pretty cool.
and i chilled with vandy's brother, which i thought would be awkward but which was actually pretty cool.
hmm.
doritoes are yummy.
thats all.

piratesrock89 — Mon, 25 Sep 2006 20:09:25 GMT

ani difranco cocert november 18 :-D

band is pretty shitty.
everyone is frustrated and i dont think that J and L are tkaing the right approach to getting people to pay attention.
not like i should say anything, i never pay attention, but then the band teachers alreayd hate me, and if the SLs dont yell at me for this itll be something else and i just dont give a shit anymore.

college application-ness.
thats starting. like now.
flipping out a little bit.

and im starting to miss a bunch of people. a short list of examples-pam, matt mancuso, natalya, lisa, natatia
i know im forgetting people but thats who's sticking out to me right now.

i wish band didnt suck.
i wish people could stop fighting.
i wish certain people would just shut up.
and i wish that everything was better.

but, anyway.
this weekend seeing joe was really good...

ok.
im done.

piratesrock89 — Thu, 21 Sep 2006 19:11:26 GMT

fuck.
1 hour until i have to be at the school for marching band's first performance. time to memorize music?
yeah, id say so.

piratesrock89 — Thu, 21 Sep 2006 01:52:04 GMT

so...
hmm
drumline was tonight
umm
me and jess's spanish project is kind of amazing.
ummm
football game tomorrow...everyone should go to halftime cuz the band will be there.

thats all

piratesrock89 — Sun, 17 Sep 2006 18:46:12 GMT

so...looking through the random pages of the script that mrs flood handed out it looks like i have 2 lines. total.
and i know that everyone says theres no small parts blah blah but thats only said to comfort the fuckers who arent good enough to get a good part. dont argue with me it's completely true.
and...mrs flood fucking told me in the audition that i was really good at the part of alice..which i tried out for...which i wanted. but you know...then she was like, but too bad you're going to be an adult. which means i get to sit onstage and do nothing basically. which means that every tuesday and thursday until 4 30 im stuck at the school sitting onstage doing nothing. which sucks my ass. which im really pissed about. im a fucking senior. when i was a sophomore i didnt make a single play because mrs flood gave the seniors the good parts and the juniors the not as good parts. and when i was a junior i got fucked over and again got the not as good parts. so wtf. iv paid my dues as a shitty background person. she did this to me with fucking anne frank too and told me what a great part it was until i saw the script and realized that i had like 4 lines. idk i guess i just really thought that this would be my year when i could get some kind of not shitty part. but no. and i know that i shouldnt be upset yet because i dont even have the whole script and maybe i have mor ethan 2 lines but i mean..as far as i can tell my part has nothing to do with the plot or anything and it just sucks. and im pissed and fuck.