SATURN LOVES TO RANT

STILL ALIVE

saturnplaza — Sun, 05 Jan 2025 17:28:12 GMT

My ass forgot I had live journal
I've been through alot
But I'm back
And will be back posting

RANDOM ahh dialouge for a scrap project

saturnplaza — Tue, 05 Nov 2024 04:52:19 GMT

Take me in my sleep, show me I can be a better man. Lord save me for I have sinned, Look at me fore what I've become. Reconstruct your values open up your eyes. Allow me to bleed out into to the earth and change along with the seasons. Let my body be in the snow and my soul rest below. Watch me lay see me go. Watch me change into the person you want.

We all struggle

saturnplaza — Mon, 04 Nov 2024 04:45:52 GMT

From a young age I was shown the truth of the world. Not a moment of shelter not a second to breathe. Mom and Dad are fucked up, Auntie and Uncle, Brother and Sister. I am too.

Generational doom? Addiction — Illness — Bottles and finished cigarettes. Lovely disguised violence. Seemingly so little but just enough to slip through the cracks. The hurt on her face. The tiredness in his eyes. The person who brought thee struggling to hold on.

Admiration — The pain seemed normal. You needed to feel it. Normal little girl in a big world. Watching it pass by. — It's the way you must live your life.

Early exposure? Neglect? Strong Influence? It seems to continue on. You aren't young anymore. You already know. Six years old or Sixteen makes no difference. The feeling is impending doom. Promise you'll never be like them. But you are.

Ailment — Addiction — Bottles and finished cigarettes. Medication and Talks. "It'll never get better." Cursed family. We run the same life. We won't learn. I see him becoming like me. Broken the curse remains, I cannot save him, nor myself.

The words "runs in the family" have never been so true. You're ill, you're unsafe. You're free to do whatever you must do. What am I yapping about?

Periphery – Juggernaut Alpha

saturnplaza — Sun, 06 Oct 2024 15:13:32 GMT

DISCLAIMER THIS IS ALL THEORY BY MY INTERPRETATION OF THE CONCEPT ALBUM --- NONE OF THIS IS NESSACARILLY RELATED TO THE ORIGINAL STORY OF THE CONCEPT ALBUM --- But like that's kinda of the point of a concept album is to well have it have a set storyline --- but parts are up for interpretation.

SECONDARY DISCLAIMER --- I did skip quite a lot of songs on the album as some --- While yes, have a part to the story --- Don't have enough, and if I included them this would take like 30 years. So it's the songs with the most set-in-stone information. As the others are more up for interpretation. BUT ALL THE SONGS ARE STILL VERY IMPORTANT TO THE STORY!! This is just to help understand

LASTLY BEFORE CHECKING THIS OUT OR AFTER CHECK OUT THE ALBUM!!

Periphery – Juggernaut Alpha

The moon and the sun – The man and the woman.

In a satanic cult, a man and a woman are forced to engage in a sexual act as a sacrifice.

This act is called a birthing rite.

The couple is forced to lie at the altar; directed by the other cultists who are all in silver masks; all the focus is on the "moon and the sun.”

This act requires the slicing of the arms of a cultist leading the ritual where she is to bleed her blood onto the “Sun” – The “Sun” is also to be inflicted wounds on the stomach to build for the baring of their “Lord”. The other cultists also bear similar wounds.

“Embrace the feeling of the soul within, lie in a circle with a few who stain our bodies with their own blood” This is the chant to summon their lord –

in short and less gruesome terms it was a fucked up satanic blood orgy to birth their “lord”

(I am so so sorry for getting super into that)

and so as it ends. The deed has been done since the sacrifice was successful so the couple get to live to see another day. They get the blessing of living but the curse of now raising this “evil child”

They had the child; “the sun and the moon” had to raise the curse.

And thus the main character of the album is born.

Our main character grows up in this cult setting, being fed every word this cult gives him. They beat him, torture him, they must own him so he will be the perfect host for their “Lord” once he grows old enough.

Obviously with this type of trauma one is sure to suffer from many issues. They would experience Stockholm syndrome, they can develop split personalities, they can get fucked up in every fucking way imaginable.

The cult wishes to make him into a hollow shell for their evil deity, therefore it would make sense to disconnect his senses for him to become a void of a person. This is something seen very clearly in the main character. He had grown devoid of being anyone at all.

(sadly there was nowhere i could find the way he was able to escape) He managed to escape the cult around what I believe to be ten to twelve years old. Then being put into a psychiatric ward till he was an adult. Seemingly stable enough to survive in the outside world. SPOILER ALERT he was not.

For a while he seemed to be stable; his living situation, a job… it was decent. But slowly his memories started creeping back. He tries his hardest to repress them. But soon his past got the hold of him. Slowly the curse is seeping into him; the “lord” is latching on.

The protagonist would like to escape what he’s gone through, He questions if the memories and voices of his cult will still linger when all his wounds (or flesh) – referencing his scars– heal.

He vows to never return to the cult, no matter what. It's better away from the cult and the other side; their of perspective in the normal world. How they want him to live.

He wants a normal life but because of the cult, he has never and will never have that.

Of course, finally escaping a cult and living life “normally” will make you wonder everything about the sadistic, devil-worshiping cult and what if it is real. The thoughts get worse and he finally lets them in; he stops repressing the memories; he is embracing them.

He’s embracing the evil. – Not that he wants to – But that he has to, this was his purpose this is why he's alive.

The evil causes him to metaphorically “drive the stake into his heart,” creating a blank, apathetic void in his chest that will be filled by the demon. Instead of feeling some type of emotion, the void makes him feel dead and empty inside.

The “demon” has grown so much in power that the human side of the narrator has no choice but to let it do as it will. He leaves everything behind and returns to the cult just as he was supposed to. He has to. It’s his destiny it has been since birth.

THAT IS ALL THAT'S THE FIRST ALBUM — If you wanna I'll do part 2 which is Juggernaut Omega.

Dream Theater – Metropolis, Pt. 2: Scenes From a Memory A DEEP DIVE

saturnplaza — Sun, 06 Oct 2024 12:19:07 GMT

I have been thinking about this for years lol, but recently for the 25-year anniversary they dropped a PROFESSIONAL FUCKING NOVEL ON IT!!! It's coming out this month I'm so excited to read it and see what the album's story really was in contrast to how I interpreted it!!

LASTLY BEFORE CHECKING THIS OUT OR AFTER CHECK OUT THE ALBUM!!

https://open.spotify.com/album/1QZi8laY96nhaeGSklvN4D?uid=5df8eb74f57bcfbdae5a&uri=spotify:track:77a7YkuBz7a5UiEhBMe1xp

HERE IS A LINK TO ONE THATS JUST THE SONGS MENTIONED IN THE ESSAY

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5vmuW3u04E4Tn0mESFFTQp?si=FYhNUHJYShuPldVbggJ9WQ

Dream Theater – Metropolis, Pt. 2: Scenes From a Memory

Nicolas is a young man. He keeps having these dreams, where he’s this girl. He feels like he is her; or was her. It’s affecting his everyday life – These dreams feel so real to him that he feels attached to them. So he decides it's in his best interest to go see someone to help him decipher these dreams.

Nicolas goes to see a hypno therapist — and that starts off our album.

Queue – Act I: Scene One: Regression

Nicolas is told to close his eyes and relax.

“Concentrate on your breathing–

–Imagine a brilliant white light above you”

“You will enter a safe place where nothing can harm you. –

– If at any time you need to come back, all you must do is open your eyes.”

He is now in his “dream space” It's like he's watching his past life on a screen – A girl named Victoria.

Queue – Act I: Scene Two: I. Overture 1928

It’s a strange sensation – A pleasant nightmare. Another whole life waiting for him; There’s a house that he’s drawn to, and he recognizes it. It doesn't feel new.

There's a room at the top of the stairs, he’s drawn up there. There's a girl in the mirror and he asks her. “Young child won’t you tell me why I’m here?!” He saw it in her eyes — He gained control of his past life – he could now find out what happened to him through watching her memories.

From here on out I’m going to refer to Nicolas as Victoria. Cause right now it's her story that is important. It's like he’s watching a movie and Victoria is the main character but Victoria is his past self.

Queue – Act I: Scene Four: Beyond This Life

— Victoria was a young girl, involved with two. —

--------------------------------------------------

HEADLINE: Murder, Young Girl Killed.

“Desperate shooting at Echos Hill,

dreadful ending, killer died; evidently

suicide.”

A witness heard the horrifying sound – He ran to find a woman dead and Lying on the ground.

Standing by her was a man, “Nervous, shaking, gun in hand.”

Witness says he tried to help but he had turned the weapon on himself — His body fell across that poor young girl. After shouting out in vain, the witness ran to call for assistance.

A sad close to a broken love affair…

--------------------------------------------------

Police assumed that Victora had fallen for a man while already being committed to another. She tried to keep it secret but it seemed her ex-boyfriend did indeed know.

Victoria was on a date, in a park near her ex-boyfriend's house, on the night of her death; She wanted to be with the other man. Not him. So he fell into an evil way, but she had to let him down.

“She said, ‘I can't love a wayward man’”

She may have found a reason to forgive her ex-boyfriend for being how he is; If he had only tried to change…

Was their fatal meeting prearranged?

Had a violent struggle taken place?

There was every sign that led there

Witness found a switchblade on the ground

Was the victim unaware?

They continued to investigate

They found a note in the killer's pocket

It could have been a suicide letter

But the police couldn’t be so wrong. — Victoria was involved with two men. — She cheated on her boyfriend; Julain. for another man; Edward. cause Julian wasn’t what she wanted. They broke up and she went to be with Edward.

Things were good! She was happy — For a little… Until she realized he wasn’t what he seemed to be. Abuse maybe? We don’t know. — Sometime after she did so, she ran into Julian. She had realized he was who she really wanted. So she hopes to reconcile with him and maybe have another chance. She tells him she's single.

Queue – Scene Nine: Finally Free

Victoria: “You know I’m really feeling good this Friday afternoon, I ran into Julian he said we should get together soon! He’s always had my heart he needs to know, I’m going to leave Edward. It’s time for him to go.”

Victoria met with Julian that night in secret; Without Edward knowing. Julian took her to a park late at night. I believe that they were drinking. They had made up; Julian and Victoria were back together. He had forgiven her.

Victoria thought she was safe, she was planning to break it off with Edward so it would do him no harm if he didn’t know…

If he didn’t know…

A yell;

Edward, his heavy footsteps nearing.

Victoria gasps

Edward punches Julian in the throat.

A bottle smashes, and things are breaking.

Edward pulls out a gun causing Julian to scream

Edward shoots Julian twice and he collapses

Victoria closes her eyes and starts screaming

Edward tells her to open her eyes.

Shooting her twice before running away.

Edward killed Victora, but Julian didn’t commit suicide. The police were so wrong… But the evidence pointed that way. — The suicide note? — Let's now go into Edwards's mind. See what he has done.

Edward: “Friday evening… The blood is still on my hands…To think that she would leave me now, for that ungrateful man. But I’m the sole survivor and there's no other witness to the crime…I must act fast to cover up… I think that there's still time. Julian would seem hopeless and lost with this note, the cops will buy into the words that I wrote.”

-------------------------------------

“This feeling inside me, I finally

found my love I've finally broken free.

I’m no longer torn in two; I'd take

my own life before losing you…”

-------------------------------------

Edward heads back to the crime scene and slips the note into Julian's pocket before calling the cops. When the cops arrived he told this story. It made headlines you heard it before!!

--------------------------------------------------

HEADLINE: Murder, Young Girl Killed.

“Desperate shooting at Echos Hill,

dreadful ending, killer died; evidently

suicide.”

A witness heard the horrifying sound – He ran to find a woman dead and Lying on the ground.

Standing by her was a man, “Nervous, shaking, gun in hand.”

Witness says he tried to help but he had turned the weapon on himself — His body fell across that poor young girl. After shouting out in vain, the witness ran to call for assistance.

A sad close to a broken love affair…

--------------------------------------------------

Back to our main man Nicolas who is the reason we even get to know this amazing story. He now knows the full story — How he had died. He had learned about it by living through Victora. Now he can live the rest of his life putting him to peace and Victoria’s spirit to rest.

He believes they’ll meet again someday soon…

“Open your eyes Nicolas.” — Nicolas regains his conscience after learning what he needs to. He exits the Hypno Therapist's office and goes to his car. The thing about this kind of treatment he took, you tell what you’re seeing out loud. That Hypno Therapist heard everything… He knows everything… Not like that would matter, it’s the man's job!

Nicolas Drives home, not realizing he was being followed. As Nicolas exits his car and goes to open his apartment door a man appears behind him. The Hypno therapist; Edward in the past life. — Again it is up for interpretation but I believe that this means that it is a cycle. Victoria was always supposed to die, No one was supposed to know it was Edward. But unlucky for Edward. Victoria's new body was near him. But no one could ever know not even in this life. – Edward was always meant to kill Victora no matter what universe.

Come back.

saturnplaza — Sat, 21 Sep 2024 11:29:06 GMT

I'll slip you my number, I'll mark my name down on the page. I know you see me.
I know you still see me
Does it hurt
It hurts me
I hate seeing your pretty face I hate that you show up in my dreams
Why did you have to be there
Same room as me
It makes it worse
I need you
I love you
You still love me right? You need me don't you?
You said if I stop if I don't do it anymore you'd stay
I didn't listen I threw it away
I didn't mean to believe her
I know it was something you'd never do
But I was naive
I was dumb
I still am but I need you
I need you in anyway you'll have me
I'd be happy if you where to hit me. Atleast I'd feel you again.
You're the only thing that keeps me sane
It hurts
I need your love
I need you
Please
Come
Back
You said you'd always stay, I need back your love
I want to see my name written with a heart
I wanna hear you tell me happy today
I want my I love you goodnight texts
I want our late talks
I want you
I need you
I will collapse
Everything hurts without you
It has hurt without
Three years please
I'm better.
Im better I did it for you
I want to be good for you
I need you
I want to see your face hear your voice know you love me
Please.
Please
Please
Please
Please
Please
Need you
I can't do this without you
Please come back
I love you, I still love you... You're the only one I love.

Entry #3

saturnplaza — Thu, 19 Sep 2024 04:40:54 GMT

(NOTE THIS IS AN ONLINE DIidARY POST — VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED AS THERE CAN BE TRIGGERING SUBJECTS SPOKEN OF — YES THIS IS OVERSHARING, I DO NOT CARE — DO NOT LIKE DO NOT READ — THIS IS ALL BASICALLY TRANSCRIPTION OF MY BRAIN --- SOME OF THESE THINGS I POST ON TUMBLR AS WELL AND THEY GET IN HERE)

also the format of this may be fucked up depending on where its being viewed

------------- I AM BACK (on LiveJournal) -----------

MEMEME ME ME THIS IS ME ME

So updates from my last entry.

I'm on meds now, Prozac, 20mg. They don't really help me all too much — They just put me in a constant state of euphoria until I crash out of it for a few hours. — I don't want to try new meds tho cause then I have to go through the horrid side effects again.

Schools started I can't even bring myself to go, It's been going for two weeks. I've missed seven days so far. I'm already so behind... I'm a failure.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚

Also, I thought I was over him. Until he started appearing in my dreams until he was sat right beside me. Now it hurts all over again.

Is he high, sad? Both?

______________________

How I look whenever I get up for school -->

______________________

♫"Just another surgery tonight, well, if you amputate the loneliness. Anesthesia dims the lights, So dream on and on and on and on. So dream on and on and I'll remember your eyes when you're gone"♫ — Surrender The Night, My Chemical Romance

______________________

I'm a shitty person.

I DESERVE TO ROT.

I want to rot alone, in my room, with my music and my thoughts.

== == == == == == == == ==

I'm failing this year, I know it. I don't care. I'm not scared my life is going nowhere, so who cares. I am going to be dead. We all will, so fuck it, I don't care.

Okay I'm being emo I'm not giving up completely I will try to find some other way to do school.

=== === === === === === === === === === === === === === ===

IRL JOURNAL TRANSCRIPTION TIME (from the 10th of September /24)

I want to cry; I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't. Why am I broken? Why couldn't you save me? Why must I be stuck this way? Why do I have to hurt everyone? Why do I have to hurt myself? Why did I hurt you, why won't you hurt me??

I'm always tired, mentally; physically. Everything is draining, even the most simple of tasks. I feel lazy, I don't want to be. I want to be a good daughter (I am non-binary.) I've always wanted to be a good friend, a good partner, a good person. But no matter how hard I try I seem to fail. I fail and ruin everything. I don't deserve kindness.

I can't take care if myself, I can't take care of anything. I'm sorry.

END OF TRANSMISSION

MEEEEE >-< ^^^^^

I am Mikey Slay.

Short entry this time I will write again soon!! BYE BYEZ :P - SATURN

I am alive!!

saturnplaza — Wed, 18 Sep 2024 23:20:57 GMT

Quick note to whoever follows me on here, I have not abandoned this account, I just tend to forget to write, I will work on positing more!!

Trauma Brings Love Among Other Things.

saturnplaza — Thu, 01 Aug 2024 09:12:10 GMT

He wraps his arms around my waist keeping his gaze locked onto my eyes.

I press myself closer to him.

Arms around him, Staring right back.

Looking into his eyes. Everything around seems quiet and slow.

Shallow breaths.

Hold on tighter.

You know this is when you’ll meet your demise.

Embrace your death while holding onto a stranger.

Someone you’re intertwined with, in such little time.

A bond that couldn’t compare to any companionship.

No matter how long the time.

The urge to survive is gone. It's time to accept it.

Me and You at the end of things.

If you had asked me yesterday i’d say:

I’d say you were no one to me.

Now look, what are we?

This is real love, and I see it in your eyes.

We both can feel it.

Real love.

Not what they tell in tales.

Real love is death in the arms of a stranger.

Cause no matter how little you know of each other.

Trauma Brings Love Among Other Things.

No matter how strong a bond may be — You can never have your souls intertwined

Unless you’re like this.

To have lived together.

To have survived together.

To have lost and regained hope.

To have it all means almost nothing.

But to know it all had a reason.

So you can both feel it.

Real love.

Entry #2

saturnplaza — Wed, 31 Jul 2024 08:37:58 GMT

also the format of this may be fucked up depending on where its being veiwed

♫'Can we keep it together somehow? You know if I come around this way again. It's gonna be a surprise. She's putting lipstick on homeless boys in Korea Town. Driving angels down right now-'♫ — Get The Gang Together, Gerard Way.

Me currently

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I'm coming down off a three week long high — Only reason being I wanna save my shit. But god I feel like shit and very desperately want to smoke. I have nicotine which is ok — But I want my weed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I have to see a phycologist next week — I asked, but am dreading it. What if they tell me I'm fine. I know I'm not fine, I'm fucking unsatiable and if they tell me I'm okay I'm going back to feeling fucking Crazy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I genuinely fear the person I've become — I mourn the person I could've been.

=======================Off any pre-existing topic why the fuck is Pete Wentz in Ryan Ross makeup and a Teletubby costume...

=======================

Yo wait I got photos of Pete and Mikey on here — The Summer Of Like?! Amazing New Mexico Sunset?! PETEKEY?!

[Sorry I was reading a petekey master doc earlier for the 30th time]

=======================

=============================[]==========================

I hate my therapist — She dismisses every single fucking thing I say and it pisses me off. Also I'm officially off suicide watch. Well I have been for a month I just forgot I was till now.

==============================[]==========================

I LOVE BOY DIVISION SM ITS SO GOOD

https://open.spotify.com/track/7wzNovIu5urOjulGX4VzFo?si=127403e55ee94d36

Banger song — ♫'If all my enemies. Threw a party, would you light the candles? Would you drink the wine while watchin' television? Watch the animals and all the tragedies, and sell your arteries to buy my casket gown♫ —

I actually have no clue what to talk about — my life is so uneventful — I don't do anything — I've been rotting in my room for the past month. I have school in a month though and I'm terrified.

I LOVE THIS PHOTO OF GEE SM ITS MY PFP FOR ALMOST EVERYTHING

So for reference — In my school division, everyone on one side of the division goes to one high school meanwhile the other side goes to a different. I moved schools last year to a different one but in the same side of the division and I have some really bad shit regarding my old class who is going to the same high school as me. Cause though I moved — I have to rejoin them this year.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have problems — I've done shit I shouldn't have and it ruined me and my reputation. I'm not gonna get into it but it includes a lot of 'whoring around' [I use that term lightly as I wasn't actually having sex] and ruining friendships / relationships. — and it caused the majority of them to hate me — Which recently turned into all of them but one. For the record it wasn't me who fucked myself over — But it was — It's hard to explain and the best way I can is that I wasn't in control of myself. ANYWAYS — They all hate me — and I know for a fact that all the shit I did in the past will be spread around due to the gravity of it and how many people GENUINELY ACTUALLY hate me [that is not even an over exaggeration] and I fear how that is going to affect me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ORIGINALLY POSTED TO MY TUMBLR {has correlation to what was said above}

Oh god... I didn't think I'd see his face again, I thought I at least had another month... I can't do this fuck... It's been so long why does it still hurt so fucking bad it's so fucking pathetic.

I'm so fucking pathetic. It's been three fucking years, and god seeing his face made me collapse. I feel like I can't fucking breathe. I miss him, I miss him so much it's not fair.

we're both going to the same school next year again (it's complicated) I though I at least a month till I had to see him. Not this early... To early.. I don't even think I can do it. It hurts so bad, hurts to hear his name, his voice, see his face. Anything and anyone who reminds me of him it hurts.

I'm going to be in classes with him, what if they make me talk to him, what if they partner us or something, I can't. I can't. I can't.

Not only him though, I have to see everyone from my old school, cause I'm going to the same high school they are this year. All those people hate me. I can't do it.

I can't go.. I can't see him... I can't see them. I can't do this. I want to move again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That's all for tonight — I don't know what else to speak of.

-SATURN

ENTRY #1

saturnplaza — Fri, 19 Jul 2024 14:10:41 GMT

(NOTE THIS IS AN ONLINE DIARY POST — VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED AS THERE CAN BE TRIGGERING SUBJECTS SPOKEN OF — YES THIS IS OVERSHARING, I DO NOT CARE — DO NOT LIKE DO NOT READ — THIS IS ALL BASICALLY TRANSCRIPTION OF MY BRAIN --- SOME OF THESE THINGS I POST ON TUMBLR AS WELL AND THEY GET IN HERE)

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚

╭──I guess sometimes people forget──╮

Itz emo trazh pozt1ng n!ght

T!ME TO TURN ON THE G!RL(?)BLOGG!NG PLAYL!ST

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5YzOnsaQcLmawtwa0GERG1

SO ITZ 5:33 IN THE MORNING AND I HAVE NOT SLEPT OOPZIE

I'M SUPPOZED TO HAVE PROPER SLEEP BEFORE MY COUNSELING

~~BUT NAH I'M HIGH AND FUCK THAT.~~

So I don't know why I'm using typing quirks, guess they're kinda cute.

╭──Sometimes I wish I could forget──╮

♫'All alone now nothing feels right, just find ways to cope with feelings you don't really understand. Cause no one really cares how you feel, just as long as you act like EVERYONE ELSE WANTS YOU TO ACT-'♫ — This Song is a Curse, Frank Iero

Image

[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]

I actually don't even understand what I'm doing — This is just an online diary for me which for the record I transcribe these and write them in my actual journal and vice versa. This is just me formating my brain in a reason semi comprehensible (it's all still a mess)

LITERAL DIARY PAGE OF MINE LOLZ

!!CRINGE ALERT!!

-SATURN

ZERO ZERO — GERARD WAY

saturnplaza — Thu, 11 Jul 2024 02:10:28 GMT

I got an offhand way

Of getting information

I got to walk away

Jet-lag is suffocation

Call me zero, zero, zero

Call me zero, you are zero

Call me zero, zero, zero

Call me zero, you are zero

Another cloudy day

Another observation

They keep my DNA

Down by the record station

Call me zero, zero, zero

Call me zero, you are zero

Call me zero, zero, zero

Call me zero, you are zero

You'll be coming around, and you'll be off your station

Oh, oh, oh, and you'll be hanging around until you go in make-up

Man, give me social-disease and give me teenage razors

Man, give me social-disease and give me high-end phasers

I got an offhand way

Give me some information

She gotta walk away

Jet-lag is suffocation

Call me zero, zero, zero

Call me zero, you are zero

Call me zero, zero, zero

Call me zero, you are zero

Call me zero, zero, zero

Call me zero, I am zero

Call me zero, zero, zero

Call me zero, I am zero

Untitled Poem

saturnplaza — Mon, 01 Jul 2024 03:32:27 GMT

When standing becomes dizzying

Her nighttime routine turns from sleep to late nights using substances to keep her stable.

Pain on the daily, a shot toward self-malice.

Headaches into the morning; sickness carrying into the day

A blank slate of who she once saw herself to be

A loss derived through her own actions, a vision interpreted by other views to those around her

A cry for help was silenced beneath the yells of peers

Ergo foreshadowing her upbringing and stating that she'd settle at A low pit beneath her she'd soon sink

A loss to no one around her only to herself

saturnplaza — Thu, 20 Jun 2024 06:07:51 GMT

Litterally my entire friend group who I care about more than anything blocked me and told me they hated me. I literally cannot make this shit up but hey atleast I got silly lil bands to Listen too and cope, not fully alone y'all 🙏

To those I loved, why'd you do it?

saturnplaza — Thu, 20 Jun 2024 06:06:09 GMT

Why no text, no words, just broken off; static and radio silence.

What had I done wrong to you? Why not tell me. Am I not worth enough for even a goodbye.

All those I cared for and stayed alive for what was the point.

For you all to talk behind me, plan an escape?

An escape from me.

All of you, all of everyone I cared for gone in minutes.

I really did mean nothing.

But you all meant everything.

I know I have my moments where I've lashed out, and hurt unintentionally. But you all are aware I am unwell and told me it was okay; 'You understood'

You said you did anyway.

But while I'm getting better at trying to fix what's wrong, you all talk.

Talk all this talk about me behind my back, how do you think it felt when I read the words.

"A whore, A narcissistic bitch, A self-centered slut."

Why? What had I done?

If you all hate me what was the point of keeping me under the illusion that we were all friends then block me out of nowhere.

Without a reason or second thought, could've at least given me the grace to say goodbye.

I may not be the best person but I've been trying and the courtesy of saying bye and telling me why you're leaving would've been nice.

But no you all block me out of nowhere.

Why did you lead me on like that? I sat here genuinely excited to see you guys, talk to you all, and hang out with you all.

Being the friend who had to move was hard, and every chance I got to talk and see the people I cared for so dearly, I cherished.

So where did I go wrong-- In the year I was away from you, what did I fuck up.

I know I said it before, but I'm aware I'm not the best friend at all times, as I said I have problems that are left needing professional attention I cannot recive. You all knew this and led me to believe it was okay; you guys told me it was okay-- 'You understood'

But I guess not really, you all told me that you care, I deserve love, and I'm not a bad person.

But almost unprovoked, you all turn away.

A goodbye and a reason for leaving would be nice; I feel like I at least deserve that. Or maybe not, I'm sorry for whatever I did.

I don't know what I did to make you all hate me.

I'm sorry for what it was.

I've been struggling and I've been trying; not like you guys care though.

Cause no one even cared to tell me what I had been doing to make you hate me.

Why didn't yall just say something, what was the point in leading me on, and talking shit behind my back?

If you have a problem why not tell me? Why not let me try to fix it? Now I've lost everything. Be it my fault which I'm sure it is. I'm sorry.

Unpopular (Or maybe popular opinion)

saturnplaza — Tue, 18 Jun 2024 19:38:31 GMT

I love being the weird nerdy emo kid. Like yeah, I sit in the corner and keep to myself is there a problem with that?

I love listening to Emo bands and writing on my hands.

I love writing poetry and fanfiction.

I love my messy side part and dyed hair.

I love my band tees and accessories.

Not being normal is fun, normal is boring, and I don't wanna be like everyone else.

Being weird is just better!!

Who the hell was gonna tell me LiveJournal was still around?!

saturnplaza — Tue, 18 Jun 2024 03:39:18 GMT

Now not only do I have Tumblr and Spacehey (Which I'm still leaning to use :c) Now I also have LiveJournal, and my heart is happy.