somebody to watch over me
•October 11, 2012 • Leave a Commenti am alone. i think we all are alone, only some of us dont feel it as much. some of us never come to realize it. thats what i think anyway. it hurts. am i the only one that hurts?
i can play the blame game but where has it got me so far? i want to get rid of all my stuff. i want to feel unencumbered by things. i want to own nothing but what i need to survive. i dont want to be in THIS world anymore. i dont want to compete on a playing field where i find it so difficult to understand the reason for their rules. yes, it is me and them. do we all feel that way?
what if i simply dont want to do this anymore? there is nothing i am getting our of this world that seems to make it worth the daily struggle.
i think death would be peace. i have to rack up good deeds so that i am in a good place in the world to come.
i just hurt. it feels like all the time. i want the self hate and the pain to stop.i am not doing well in this world. i am not a competitor. i want another world. another playing field. a place where i feel right. a place where i love myself. a place where i fit in. a place where i dont have to fight everyday to try and like myself.
lost and forgotten
•May 18, 2010 • 1 Comment
If I went to the park in the dark
would you know I was there?
I wander my house, no longer a home
and I feel all alone
in the depths of my soul to that hole in my heart
life for me is painful
every day is a test, can I make it through…
I’m not always sure how
much more pain I can endure
I cant quite figure out why I want to
what keeps me here
it used to be hope
hope of a happy future
now I am old
how much future is left
how much can i alter it
change it
make it happy
find a reason to laugh
I end up more skeptical every day
and more alone
in my the pain deep in my heart and my soul
where I’m at…
•May 9, 2010 • 4 Comments
good days and bad days!
Today is a good day.
I am feeling in control AND have a friend without benefits!
Certain helps a momentarily loveless marriage survive.
Invisibility kills a woman, living hell I think.
If you’re not going to make me feel female then you will find yourself dealing with a totally nonsexual being.
Make me FEEL female and the magic is in your hands!
MEN…think it out…wisely…it’s your marriage and your choice!
Feeling female DOES NOT mean kitchen or bedroom duty!
It means that when you look at me and only me you feels that your life would end without me noticing you!
That I make you weak in the knees and you are strong but will turn off anything in your life at any moment for a chance to spend time with me.
That making me laugh makes you excited and seeing me vulnerable makes you protective!
I am looking for that man, maybe it is a fantasy, but I will still look for and dream of the man that wants to be with me or it isnt worth it to breathe!
Barbi's Blog-run by emotion! 
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