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Editorial Reviews

Review

“This is not just a riveting read about how to understand others better. It’s also a revealing look at how to be understood. Charles Duhigg delivers a winning combination of stories, studies, and guidance that might well transform the worst communicators you know into some of the best.”—Adam Grant, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Think Again and Hidden Potential, and host of the podcast Re:Thinking

“Our personal and professional success depend upon our ability to understand and be understood, and yet we typically leave this up to intuition. In Supercommunicators, Charles Duhigg goes through a mountain of research—and some riveting stories—and unearths practical tactics to show that anyone can become a more effective listener, speaker, and even social media poster.”—David Epstein, bestselling author of Range and The Sports Gene

“This book stayed with me. I found myself thinking about how many questions I ask and how often I laugh in conversation. Given how much talking we all do, it’s amazing how little we understand. A much-needed guide to connecting in disconnected times.”—Amanda Ripley, author of High Conflict

“Charles Duhigg does it again, with a book we all need to read. Using his unique mix of stories and science, he gives us Supercommunicators, a guide to better conversation and deeper human connection. If you want to improve your communication skills at work and in life, this book is the place the start.”—Arthur C. Brooks, professor, Harvard Kennedy School and Harvard Business School, and #1 New York Times bestselling author

About the Author

Charles Duhigg is a Pulitzer Prize–winning investigative journalist and the author of Supercommunicators, The Power of Habit, and Smarter Faster Better. A graduate of Harvard Business School and Yale University, he is a winner of the National Academies of Sciences, National Journalism, and George Polk awards. He writes for The New Yorker and The New York Times Magazine, and was the founding host of the Slate podcast How To! with Charles Duhigg.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

1

The Matching Principle

How to Fail at Recruiting Spies

If Jim Lawler was being honest with himself, he had to admit that he was terrible at recruiting spies. So bad, in fact, that he spent most nights worrying about getting fired from the only job he had ever loved, a job he had landed two years earlier as a case officer for the Central Intelligence Agency.

It was 1982 and Lawler was thirty years old. He had joined the CIA after attending law school at the University of Texas, where he had gotten mediocre grades, and then cycling through a series of dull jobs. One day, unsure what to do with his life, he telephoned a CIA headhunter he had once met on campus. A job interview followed, then a polygraph test, then a dozen more interviews in various cities, and then a series of exams that seemed designed to ferret out everything Lawler didn’t know. (Who, he wondered, memorizes rugby world champions from the 1960s?)

Eventually, he made it to the final interview. Things weren’t looking good. His exam performances had been poor to middling. He had no overseas experience, no knowledge of foreign languages, no military service or special skills. Yet, the interviewer noted, Lawler had flown himself to Washington, D.C., for this interview on his own dime; had persisted through each test, even when it was clear he didn’t have the first clue how to answer most questions; had responded to every setback with what seemed like admirable, if misplaced, optimism. Why, the man asked, did he want to join the CIA so badly?

“I’ve wanted to do something important my entire life,” Lawler replied. He wanted to serve his country and “bring democracy to nations yearning for freedom.” Even as the words came out, he realized how ridiculous they sounded. Who says yearning in an interview? So he stopped, took a breath, and said the most honest thing he could think of: “My life feels empty,” he told the interviewer. “I want to be part of something meaningful.”

A week later the agency called to offer him a job. He accepted immediately and reported to Camp Peary—the Farm, as the agency’s training facility in Virginia is known—to be tutored in lock picking, dead drops, and covert surveillance.

The most surprising aspect of the Farm’s curriculum, however, was the agency’s devotion to the art of conversation. In his time there, Lawler learned that working for the CIA was essentially a communications job. A field officer’s mandate wasn’t slinking in shadows or whispering in parking lots; it was talking to people at parties, making friends in embassies, bonding with foreign officials in the hope that, someday, you might have a quiet chat about some critical piece of intelligence. Communication is so important that a summary of CIA training methods puts it right up front: “Find ways to connect,” it says. “A case officer’s goal should be to have a prospective agent come to believe, hopefully with good reason, that the case officer is one of the few people, perhaps the ONLY person, who truly understands him.”

Lawler finished spy school with high marks and was shipped off to Europe. His assignment was to establish rapport with foreign bureaucrats, cultivate friendships with embassy attachés, and develop other sources who might be willing to have candid conversations—and thereby, his bosses hoped, open channels for the kinds of discussions that make the world’s affairs a bit more manageable.

Lawler’s first few months abroad were miserable. He tried his best to blend in. He attended black-tie soirees and had drinks at bars near embassies. Nothing worked. There was a clerk from the Chinese delegation he met après-ski and repeatedly invited to lunch and cocktails. Eventually Lawler worked up the courage to inquire if his new friend, perhaps, wanted to earn some extra cash passing along gossip he heard inside his embassy? The man replied that his family was quite wealthy, thank you, and his bosses tended to execute people for things like that. He would pass.

Then there was a receptionist from the Soviet consulate who seemed promising until one of Lawler’s superiors took him aside and explained that she, in fact, worked for the KGB and was trying to recruit him.

Eventually, a career-saving opportunity appeared: A CIA colleague mentioned that a young woman from the Middle East, who worked in her country’s foreign ministry, was visiting the region. Yasmin was on vacation, the colleague explained, staying with a brother who had moved to Europe. A few days later, Lawler managed to “bump into” her at a restaurant. He introduced himself as an oil speculator. As they began talking, Yasmin mentioned that her brother was always busy, never available for sightseeing. She seemed lonely.

Lawler invited her to lunch the next day and asked about her life. Did she like her job? Was it hard living in a country that had recently undergone a conservative revolution? Yasmin confided that she hated the religious radicals who had come to power. She longed to move away, to live in Paris or New York, but for that she needed money, and it had taken months of saving just to afford this brief trip.

Lawler, sensing an opening, mentioned that his oil company was looking for a consultant. It was part-time work, he said, assignments she could do alongside her job at the foreign ministry. But he could offer her a signing bonus. “We ordered champagne and I thought she was going to start crying, she was so happy,” he told me.

After lunch, Lawler rushed back to the office to find his boss. Finally, he had recruited his first spy! “And he tells me, ‘Congratulations. Headquarters is gonna be overjoyed. Now you need to tell her you’re CIA and you’ll want information about her government.’ ” Lawler thought that was a terrible idea. If he was honest with Yasmin, she’d never speak to him again.

But his boss explained that it was unfair to ask someone to work for the CIA without being forthright. If Yasmin’s government ever found out, she would be jailed, possibly killed. She had to understand the risks.

So, Lawler continued meeting with Yasmin, and tried to find the right moment to reveal his true employer. She became increasingly candid as they spent more time together. She was ashamed that her government was shutting down newspapers and prohibiting free speech, she told him, and despised the bureaucrats who had made it illegal for women to study certain topics in college and had forced them to wear hijabs in public. When she first sought out a job with the government, she said, she had never imagined things would get this bad.

Lawler took this as a sign. One night, over dinner, he explained that he was not an oil speculator, but, rather, an American intelligence officer. He told her that the United States wanted the same things she did: To undermine her country’s theocracy, to weaken its leaders, to stop the repression of women. He apologized for lying about who he was, but the job offer was real. Would she consider working for the Central Intelligence Agency?

“As I talked, I watched her eyes get bigger and bigger, and she started gripping the tablecloth, and then shaking her head, no-no-no, and, when I finally stopped, she started crying, and I knew I was screwed,” Lawler told me. “She said they murdered people for that, and there was no way she could help.” There was nothing he could say to convince her to consider the idea. “All she wanted was to get away from me.”

Lawler went back to his boss with the bad news. “And he says, ‘I’ve already told everyone you recruited her! I told the division chief, and the chief of station, and they told D.C. Now you want me to tell them you can’t close the deal?’ ”

Lawler had no idea what to do next. “No amount of money or promises would have convinced her to take a suicidal risk,” he told me. The only possible way forward was convincing Yasmin that she could trust him, that he understood her and would protect her. But how do you do that? “They taught me, at the Farm, that to recruit someone, you have to convince them that you care about them, which means you have to actually care about them, which means you have to connect in some way. And I had no idea how to make that happen.”

How do we create a genuine connection with another person? How do we nudge someone, through a conversation, to take a risk, embrace an adventure, accept a job, or go on a date?

Let’s lower the stakes. What if you’re trying to bond with your boss, or get to know a new friend: How do you convince them to let down their guard? What should you say to show you’re listening?

Over the past few decades, as new methods for studying our behaviors and brains have emerged, these kinds of questions have driven researchers to examine nearly every aspect of communication. Scientists have scrutinized how our minds absorb information, and have found that connecting with others through speech is both more powerful, and more complicated, than we ever realized. How we communicate—the unconscious decisions we make as we speak and listen, the questions we ask and the vulnerabilities we expose, even our tone of voice—can influence who we trust, are persuaded by, and seek out as friends.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Random House Large Print
Publication date ‏ : ‎ February 20, 2024
Edition ‏ : ‎ Large type / Large print
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Print length ‏ : ‎ 448 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0593862066
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0593862063
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6.02 x 0.94 x 9.17 inches
Best Sellers Rank: #521,669 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #4 in Business Negotiating (Books)
- #10 in Conversation Etiquette Guides
- #16 in Communication & Social Skills (Books)
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(3,081)

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Charles Duhigg

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My name is Charles Duhigg, and I'm a reporter for The New Yorker Magazine and the author of The Power of Habit, Smarter Faster Better, and Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection (which came out in 2024!)

While I worked at the New York Times, I won a Pulitzer Prize for a series about Apple named "The iEconomy". Before that, I wrote about the 2008 financial crisis, how companies take advantage of the elderly, and reported from Iraq. (For those and other articles, I won the National Journalism Award, the Investigative Reporters and Editors' Medal, the National Academies' reporting award and other recognitions.)

But let’s be honest, you aren’t visiting this page so I can brag about series and awards. (Unless you’re my mom. Hi mom!)

I’m also a native of New Mexico. I studied history at Yale and received an MBA from Harvard Business School. I now live in Santa Cruz, CA with my wife and two children and, before becoming a journalist, was a bike messenger in San Francisco for one terrifying day.

I would love to hear from you.

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Customers find this book a thorough masterpiece that masterfully delves into the nuances of effective communication, providing real-world examples and strategies. They appreciate its well-researched content and easy-to-follow writing style, with one customer noting how it translates complex concepts into understandable language. The book leaves a lasting impact, with some customers reporting genuinely astounding results. The story quality receives mixed reactions, with some finding the stories riveting while others find them long and drawn out.

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84 customers mention content, 78 positive, 6 negative

Customers find the content of the book compelling and thorough, with one customer noting that the first third is particularly interesting.

Great book. Extremely valuable insights on how to be a better communicator and listener....Read more

Excellent book! After one chapter, I immediately bought copies for my entire staff....Read more

Great read... good rational on how to really listen and ask questions to really understand what the other person is saying.Read more

...this book to many people I work with because I’ve found it to be interesting and practical....Read more

50 customers mention communication, 46 positive, 4 negative

Customers appreciate the book's approach to communication, noting how it masterfully explores the nuances of effective interaction and helps guide conversations.

...and breaks down the most important aspects of communication and connection....Read more

This book, Supercommunicators, includes excellent foundational ideas for great communication sprinkled with stories that stick to help you...Read more

...It explains how to effectively develop lasting business and personal relationships and will be a great teaching tool for everyone that reads it!...Read more

...The authors delve into the art of effective communication in a way that is both insightful and practical....Read more

46 customers mention practical, 45 positive, 1 negative

Customers find the book practical, appreciating its real-world examples and strategies that provide valuable tools and techniques.

...many people I work with because I’ve found it to be interesting and practical. I believe I understand communication more and I see my issues....Read more

...Highly recommended for its actionable advice and transformative insights.Read more

...With insightful strategies and practical tips, this book illuminates the keys to fostering meaningful connections in today's fast-paced world....Read more

Useful and EntertainingRead more

40 customers mention informative, 38 positive, 2 negative

Customers find the book informative, appreciating its well-researched content and practical information, with one customer noting how the case studies and anecdotes enhance the presentation.

...delve into the art of effective communication in a way that is both insightful and practical....Read more

Very informative, conversation guide. The take away being, most communicators are good listeners....Read more

...The entire book is informative and well written. One item that I particularly enjoyed is the preplanning for a difficult discussion....Read more

This book is easy to read but more importantly gives well researched, actionable steps that anyone can take to improve their communication at work...Read more

31 customers mention readability, 28 positive, 3 negative

Customers find the book easy to follow, with one customer noting how the author translates complex concepts into understandable language.

...It’s a quick, easy read and well worth your time.Read more

This book is easy to read but more importantly gives well researched, actionable steps that anyone can take to improve their communication at work...Read more

...This book is a quick read and is one of the best that you will read if you give it a chance!Read more

...Super easy read, filled with plenty of useful application and analogies.Read more

13 customers mention writing style, 13 positive, 0 negative

Customers appreciate the concise writing style of the book.

...The entire book is informative and well written. One item that I particularly enjoyed is the preplanning for a difficult discussion....Read more

...The writing style is engaging and relatable, keeping me hooked from page to page....Read more

Charles Duhigg is a great writer who tackles topics in a way that are both entertaining and instructive....Read more

...The author's clear, concise writing style makes complex concepts easy to grasp....Read more

9 customers mention impact, 8 positive, 1 negative

Customers find the book impactful, with results that were genuinely astounding, and one customer mentions it has the power to heal the world.

...described and the stories that are mentioned are very important and impactful....Read more

...valuable insights to enhance your interpersonal skills and leave a lasting impact....Read more

Great examples of how to effectively communicate!Read more

...of the principles of this book in conversation and the results were genuinely astounding. I highly recommend this readRead more

13 customers mention story quality, 9 positive, 4 negative

Customers have mixed opinions about the stories in the book, with some finding them riveting while others criticize the choppy narrative style.

...Loved the stories and practical frameworks to approach communication. Absolutely loved this book.Read more

...practical information which I hadn't encounterd before, and interesting stories. Very highly recommended. Very well written -rivetting....Read more

...Personally, the stories were long and drawn out and I couldn't relate with his agenda. It should be renamed "superagenda".Read more

...The stories are riveting, and I find myself almost daily using some tip or thought I gleaned from the reading.Read more

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