Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce are reportedly tying the knot this summer. The Onion shares everything we know about the big day so far.
THE DRESS
Inspired by Swift’s love of Elizabeth Taylor, the custom gown will be embellished with over 30 of the legendary actress’s teeth
THE VENUE
New York City, with overflow seating in
Rhode Island
THE DATE
In homage to Taylor Swift’s favorite number, the ceremony will take place on 13/13/13
THE THEME
Taylor Swift
SOMETHING BLUE
Travis Kelce’s tongue after getting into the Jolly Rancher bowl
THE GROOM’S ATTIRE
The groom will be wearing a bucket hat designed by Vera Wang
RING BEARER
The congregation will be charmed as Swift’s private jet adorably taxis the rings down the aisle
THE CAKE
Plain Costco sheet cake
GUEST ETIQUETTE
The bride has firmly requested no sack tapping
GIFTS
In lieu of presents, the couple asks that guests sue Scooter Braun
REHEARSAL DINNER
For ease of comprehension, the rehearsal dinner has been renamed the scrimmage dinner
THE PHOTOGRAPHER
TMZ
VOWS
Both Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce will recite vows written by Taylor Swift
THE GIANT ICE SCULPTURE OF A T-REX
A compromise
THE FAVORS
A bunch of the Target-exclusive vinyls that didn’t end up selling
