The Onion Reviews ‘Scream VI’
Published:
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Nation’s Elderly Hit Hard By Closing Automatic Doors
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Switzerland Finally Snaps
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Sector Five Breached
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Drummer Unwanted
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That Asshole From High School Now That Asshole From TV
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Area 5-Year-Old Has To Go To The Doctor For Her Buh-gina
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Harvard-Educated Texan Not Sure Which Place To Mention First
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Mormon Family Trying To Ignore Dog’s Huge Boner
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Guy At Gym Keeps Offering To Spot Everyone
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Toddler Thrown From Dog
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Space Pen Explodes
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Gay Man Comes Out To Cat
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Designated Driver Stoned
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Mom Sends Picture Of Grapefruit To Son Who Sometimes Eats Grapefruit
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Sniper Takes Out Forklift Operator Within 200 Feet Of Las Vegas Sphere
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Kegels Audible
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Well Water Still Tastes Like Toddler
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Crime Scene Fetishist Dusts For Toe Prints
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Silent Protest Sparks Silent Debate
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Dept. Of Tautology Rereleases Report For Second Time
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Tesla Launches New Model Of Explosions
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Bill Gates Invests In New Sex Trafficking Startup
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OpenAI Announces Construction Of New Data Center On Top Of Sick Child
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Doctors Say Digging Own Grave Keeps Bones Healthy After Menopause
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Depraved Inbred Community Distances Itself From Prince Andrew
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Fractures Emerge Between GOP’s Pro-Pedophilia, Extremely Pro-Pedophilia Wings
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Soaring Gas Prices Forcing More Americans To Drink Less Gas
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Epidemiologists Confirm First Airborne Transmission Of Mar-A-Lago Face
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