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Nexus
•June 16, 2014 • Comments Off on Nexus
What is the Nexus?
Ooh, yea! It’s that crazy network of connections between two or more different entities. More importantly in this instance, it is the center of the web of bridges and bonds between a Dom and his sub.
Really though, that bonding connection is so important. I cultivate and defend that very primary, yet often overlooked, ingredient in my relationship with Gorgeous. To not have that bridge of souls between us is like trying to make lemonade without any lemons, and don’t get me started on the lemon frosting!
It’s different for everyone. Mine is just very specific. Having been asked many times what was it that I valued the most in any relationship; it was always that connection of very intimate and raw honesty between two people. That is my nexus. I need THAT! Everything else is secondary to me because without that (and the constant maintenance of it), it was pointless for me to continue seeking anything real with a potential submissive.
You have to know what it is that is absolutely the most important to you that you just cannot live without. Know it, recognize it, and keep it safe always. Make it a part of you at your very core. Gather all the ingredients you need for a happiness-filled, fully functional, no-holds-barred, adventurous and complete Dee to the fucking ess relationship!
Once you know what it is, you can build from there. Let’s start with what I consider a Primary ingredient.
My Moment
Without any warning or precedence, it came. A very spontaneously beautiful moment bared itself to me and became forever chiseled into my memory.
It wasn’t that late, but we had been having a great (busy) week so far. It was a haphazard plan at best. She was to make the long drive and pick me up for a five day excursion of bliss hidden behind closed doors and cozy starch white linens. My dominance had gone into overdrive, and I gave Gorgeous no respite.
Midway through, she had crashed early one night. When you don’t really see the sun, and all you hear is the chatter of premium cable television drowning out the hum of air conditioners and speeding traffic, you don’t notice the time. It almost stops. I measured it by my phases of hunger. No, it wasn’t very accurate at all, but I didn’t care. I was with Gorgeous, and that was all that mattered. She dozed quietly.
I am a “heater” of sorts. I’m just always hot, so I sleep naked with barely the sheet to cover me. She, on the other hand, had that classic phenomenon that makes women’s bare asses drop to near frozen temperatures at nearly the same late hour on a nightly basis. Buried under covers, her red hair was the only part of her daring to peek out from under the mountain of blankets.
I could have turned the air off, but my hot nature, well, it was hot!
The television went off. I wasn’t really watching it anyway. Setting the tablet on the nightstand, I turned to gather my Gorgeous to me, sleeping so soundly. She didn’t have a care in the world, I don’t think.
Lifting the blanket, “Come here, Baby,” was all I said.
Without missing a beat and with no hesitation, she snuggled into me laying her head on my chest like I like. She didn’t open her eyes or mumble some incomprehensibly sleepy grumblings. She just came to me without fuss or any sign of remote consciousness.
I know it seems like not much to most, but anyone that knows me knows that I value the “little things” more. It’s ironic I say that considering the grandiose nature of my proclamations.
Live your life on purpose, yea?
Recognition & Value
So why is that the moment? Why is it not some other classic moment like our first kiss, the first time we made love, or our first scene together as Dom and sub?
It is the culmination of all of those things that led her to this level of submission to me as her DaddyDom. Extra points if you realized that before I said it.
I had shown her my true and very real dominance. I was her protector, her professor, her playmate, and her partner; all that she needed me to be. It was so complete that I was able to reach her subconscious with three little words. One tiny command called forth, pulling at the very strings of her, and for a very split second, she was the perfect submissive I had always dreamed of.
The bonds we built between us tightened like the ropes we had played with earlier, and I think my soul smiled a little bit as I pulled her even tighter to me.
Later, after #MorningService, we talked about her falling asleep early on me, and she just sort of watched me in amazement as I recanted that moment. Being asleep the whole time, she doesn’t remember it at all, but she did acknowledge the importance of it.
PTSD is par for the course for most survivors, and she was no different. During sleep, she revealed to me, it would manifest as a physical turning away of her body. She didn’t want to be held or cuddled, but with me, she always felt safe.
“Spooning is mandatory,” my dominant side bellowed in my head. “Lay your head here, tits here, hand holds me here, leg there,” it continued. Of course, I can’t dominate in my sleep. Bodies ache, limbs get stiff, and joints get strained. Sounds like vigorous sex, yea? We just don’t always stay as we lay. She usually does with me, and that’s great, but I’m rambling again.
Her involuntary submission to my command in her sleep, it was a pivotal moment, for sure! I will cherish that forever. It is my most surreal and sublime moment. She has truly given me thee most precious of all gifts, a complete surrender to my ownership of her. I truly felt that all our pieces finally fell into alignment with each other in that tiny split second. It is our fixed moment in time and space, our nexus.
I am Daddy and I dom in her dreams.
Countdown: Final Post! WSC moves to Private status 30 June 2014
Flexing Dominance
•June 6, 2014 • 1 Comment
Angels lose their wings when they cannot fly. Their beauty fades when you keep them locked in a box. You can’t hold on too tight. Most of all don’t just have courage to let her run. Have the faith that she will return to you. Strong is the bond between a Dom and his sub, so trust in it.
I speak of this because it’s what I’m going through right now. With Gorgeous out of town, our interactions sink to a minimal level. It’s barely enough. Ok, not really. Even when I have her right up under me all day long, it’s still not enough. That’s the way of it, yea?
Flexing My Dominance
So what do I do to avoid this temporary state of codependency? I can’t just sit and become a lump in a corner, so I find other ways to flex my dominance—even literally.
- Educate myself by:
Reading a book/blog – Gaining insight into current affairs and gossip
Engaging others – In the life (ooh, the discussions I can find!)
- Energize myself by:
Exercising
Calisthenics – For the cardio
Lifting – Weights are so fucking heavy!
Eating (self-confessed Foodie here)
- Equalize myself by:
Yoga
Meditation
Candle Meditation
Quiet Space Mediation (solitary space)
Temporary Mental Occupation (chores)
So this list can go on and on and on and on and… [sigh].
The fact is, I still have a life outside of my relationship with Gorgeous. Don’t get me wrong, I can just sit in the same space with her doing a whole hell of a lot of nothing and be completely happy. That’s just the nature of us. We can be like that with each other, and it’s ok.
The Real Issue
Something that seems to be missing from a lot of D/s or DD relationships is the individuality of the partners involved. Having a relationship with someone or many ones doesn’t mean you give up yourself. You only need to give of yourself and contribute to the union or partnership.
This key element is always paramount because it’s too easy to be domineering or become afraid to speak freely in any relationship that has and/or is based on a defined power dynamic. As a Dom, I have to maintain a steady vigil to this aspect and more often than not, for the both of us. Gorgeous loves to just sink into me and let everything go. I know. That’s probably the main goal/side effect of submission, but it’s not relevant to this post.
Many have heard me say, “I want you safe, even from me.” What this means is that because my little girl wants and needs that safe place to be able to let go and just be, I have to put aside my own wants and needs. This is where her submission owns me because I do and always will put her before me. I’m quite good at it too, and this is why her absence throws me for a loop. I’ve steadily focused on her so much that I forgot there was a Me in there, the individual Me that makes up a part of the Us.
My own individuality, I have put it aside too long, and now I don’t know what to do with it. Yes, there is the “I can’t breathe without you” longing and yearnful romanticism, but let’s just face it. No matter how it may feel without, we will all get by just fine and no worse for wear. So what do we do with ourselves in the meantime? You can scroll back up to my handy list above if you like, but really, that list is just a placebo. It’s only there to occupy us until the situation changes. The good thing about that list is that it has many things that we like to do (mostly). It’s very appealing that way.
Now, here is the magic of the list. You can go through it like a menu, picking and choosing the things you want to do, or you can use it as a check/to-do* list, ticking off each task as you complete them.
*I hate to-do lists for their very DEmotivational nature preferring instead to use a Done list (Yin & Yang mentality, shh!)
Whether or not we need another list in our lives is questionable, but still, it’s a start. Magic or not, it still is only a start. If you’re like me, you see that list and immediately discount it. This brings me back to the beginning of my post.
We hold on so tight to the things we don’t want to lose but end up losing them anyways. It makes us want to hold on tighter, but the tighter we hold on, the faster we lose it.
Nobody wants to be kept in a box or a cage. Nobody wants to be just a toy to be taken out and played with and thusly returned to the box from whence they came. We want more than that because we’re individuals underneath it all. No matter the roles we take on, assume, or struggle with, we are still the individuals we (should) see ourselves as, and we need to run free.
Life, love, and even D/s is about reaching beyond our limits and evolving into the beings we have always dreamt of being in our hearts.
Flexing My Wings Instead
So, the point is this. There’s always a piece of you in everything you do. Don’t be so fixated on one thing when there are plenty of other things to be done as well, and not all of them involve others.
As much as Gorgeous needed this little mini vacation of hers, I needed it just as well. It allowed me to “remember” myself and my part in my own happiness.
I’ve climbed out, and now I am IN IT—my life, not my box. I balance on the edge until the feathers dry.
Flight, just as natural as falling, but with grace.
Countdown: 2 posts left!
Honesty: The Road to Self Actualization
•May 2, 2014 • 1 Comment
I long have had the ability to assume any role in whatever capacity was needed or desired by others. It can sometimes be seen as a weakness in the greater scheme of things especially in the business world where it is often more critical and adverse if you don’t “Stay In Your Lane.”
Like in my food service career, I had to start at the bottom, but it did not mean that I couldn’t do more. It meant I was hired for a job where there was no need for me to do more than the job I was hired for. As my career and my exposure grew, I slowly took on more and did more…
as I was hired to.
In the workforce, and also in many social circles, we often handicap ourselves among our peers with a pseudonym under the guise of a pecking order. You know that happens in every little clique or grouping of peers. It’s in our nature to be accepted, right?
In our personal and private moments, and especially in our heart of hearts, we will always be that low person on the totem pole if we’re always afraid to be more than everybody expects. This is where staying in your lane defeats you. You become less than you are and begin to wonder where it all went wrong. How many times have we all been there, yea?
It’s time to mix it up, and it all starts on the inside. Take a good look at yourself. I mean really see the person underneath that physical exterior, that person on the inside. You know, the one that’s been too scared to be their own self for fear of rejection or humility or any number of preconceived nonacceptance.
That’s you.
That’s the you that you’ve let you become, and if you don’t do something about it now, you may not get another chance to.
So, no more being scared. The time for your own personal truths has come. No matter how large or small you may think it is, let it shine. Own it, that part of you that no one else can ever take away from you. Your True Self.
Be honest with yourself. It will only promote being honest with others. Then, you become a force to be reckoned with, a creature of your own making. Most people are scared of that REAL person, but if you ever want something lasting and real, you have to be real with yourself.
When you realize your true desires, you realize the life you’ve been missing. Somewhere, somehow, you settled for less, and now it’s not enough. This moment now becomes your moment of Self Actualization, so I say break the mold. Now, your life can really begin.
I am Daddy, and I don’t stay in my lane.
Safe Wording Out
•April 13, 2014 • Comments Off on Safe Wording Out
From time to time, I play a well known mmorpg called World of Warcraft (WoW). There’s a well known cliché or motto that goes like this,
“When in doubt, Hearth out.”
My fellow gamers will know exactly what that means, but for those that don’t, here you go.
While nobody likes to die while out and about in the game world, it is more of a pain in the ass to resurrect with minimal penalty by going back to the place of demise in ghost form. On a side note, when you get ganked by another player, they’re often laying in wait for you to come back so they can grief you some more. Nobody said gaming was honourable. So, many of us will “rez” and “hearth” out back to our current home port. Things got dicey, and we call a “timeout” of sorts to regroup, recruit, or even ragequit. Yea, it happens. The point is that we used our “Safe Word”.
So, as not to make this post about gaming, the same concept would also apply in a relationship, D/s or vanilla (ew). Just last week, Gorgeous and I had a tiff. It doesn’t happen often, but it’s a part of the natural order or process of things, yea?
It’s not about fault here. I was ill. She was ill. To some degree or another, we are all to blame for the issues, big or small, in our relationships.
The argument was over as soon it began, almost not really happening at all. I put my foot in it, and she informed me of it. Good girl, right? Of course, but then she promptly disappeared. I disappeared in return. We both “hearthed out”.
The following day, we had an uneasy start but eventually were able to discuss it. Apologies were issued and accepted first and foremost. I won’t get into the particulars, but in an effort to prevent further missed moments being together, we arrived at the revelation that we should have used our Safe Word. We use a 2 step “Yellow and Red” system, but I believe any Safe Word mechanic will work.
Think about it. The Safe Word is there to protect BOTH participants. So, this means even the Dom, HoH, Top can use it, too… and it’s OK. Regardless of that, if either one of us had used the Safe Word to, in essence, pause the situation, we would have had the opportunity to course correct and spent the rest of the evening together.
There is no reason that the Safe Word mechanic cannot be used outside of the scene for the benefit of the relationship even as a temporary fix. In this desire to have the 24/7 D/s relationship, it only makes sense that the tools we use in our scenes are also viable in our day-to-day interactions as well.
It is this same principle that empowers the HoH in a DD dynamic to not only seize control but maintain it as well. Plus, we know that it works in BDSM. We are effectively hitting the “Pause” button on what could be a potentially damaging moment. Notice, I didn’t say the “Stop” button, so all of you that argue that you should remain “in character” can relax those muscles on your back side.
For those of us in the 24/7 dynamic where D/s is always present, our “hearthstone” is always available, but like with S.S.C. and R.A.C.K., there is no replacement for good judgment. Especially when emotions (and serotonin levels) are elevated, the need for a pause becomes even more paramount when “The Machine” starts to go off-track.
As a reminder: Anyone that would “play” without setting up a Safe Word needs more education before engaging in scene play. Practice Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC) and Risk Aware Consensual Kink (R.A.C.K.)
I am Daddy, and I use my Safe Word
The Lifestyle, the Tool, and the Bond
•December 9, 2013 • 1 Comment
D/s seems to be, in my varied yet still limited experience, the only construct where the punishment is often also the pleasure, where the only quasi-tangible difference lies only in the Intent and not the act itself.
I know, it seems like a pretty deep thought for one such as myself, but after all, D/s is truly the mental side of BDSM. It is where the habit becomes the lifestyle. No, I don’t mean it is now “the reason”. It’s not even “the choice”. After so much trouble, hassle, and even internal personal struggle, D/s becomes less than what I originally perceived.
No more is it the reason for me seek out a partner willing to be subjugated by my will, but merely the tool that keeps the relationship on the straight and narrow. It is a tool. Let me reiterate. It is “The Tool”.
Like a claw hammer, I use it to build, demolish, break through, and rebuild again. I’ve done it so long, it becomes automatic, and like a skilled tradesman, I swing my hammer with an efficient determination. I am committed, to D/s and to the dynamic, but it is only now while I sit here on this train that I fully realize and comprehend why I do what I do and why I am who I am.
It is the bond. Some may call it the glue in any relationship, but for me, the bond is the reason for the relationship itself. Simply put, I just need that connection and feeling of belonging because without it, I’m just a wandering soul looking for my space to call mine.
I had originally intended for this post to revolve around the Pleasure vs. Punishment aspect of many fulltime D/s relationships, and I have strayed from my original concept. Still though, I think it is a good observation on my part.
I’m still on the train sitting in the lounge car. Besides a brother and sister sitting in a booth together, and a young male apparently baffled by the technology in his phone, the rest of the compartment is filled with older couples reminiscent of nana and ‘andad. They have collectively taken over the center of the car and having a grand time. Imagine that! It’s the Cocoon version of a munch but with white hair and hip replacements. I wish all of my readers could see. They’re just sitting around and talking as if they’ve known each other for years. Funny how after having “been there, done that” affords one many opportunities for discourse, a thing many couples still struggle with even after being together for over 20 years.
Obviously, I do NOT want to talk about P vs. P at all, so I’ll save that for another snowy cold as fuck day. Okay, maybe just after I get home.
I am Daddy and am determined.
Holiday – Part I
•December 9, 2013 • 5 Comments
The California Zephyr
First stop
NY Arrival
Once I got to New York though, my day had already begun to turn around. I had slept most of the way during the last leg and was anxious to meet up with a Twitter bestie. Okay, surprises never cease. I was hit with that proverbial blast of chilled air as soon as made my way out of the terminal. Immediately, I began to rethink my purpose in New York that early cold as fuck Friday morning. What was I thinking? Going to New York just weeks before Christmas? I must be crazy, right. I was determined not to let the cold get to me though.
We stopped for some breakfast which was mediocre at best, but the ambience of the rushing New York crowd was definitely endearing. I’m a cook, by nature, so I rather enjoy the “madness” of a busy restaurant. I was in my element, but on the other side of the counter. It definitely felt a little bit weird and out of place for me, but oddly amusing.
Memorable Place
No, not one of these
It seems my own openness will always attract interested looks and possible wonder
Not this either
Still not really familiar with the city, my bestie opted to hang with me all night and make sure I made it to my train on time, albeit, extremely early. Extra checked baggage was once again paid for and we parted ways. I had four hours to kill and nothing to do but think.
Napping, whether it’s on a bus, on a train, or in a terminal is anything but productive. It could just be me, but the strange voices, the rather obnoxious barely comprehendible public addressing, and clickety clack of suitcase wheels mixed with heeled boots was not an easy thing to tune out no matter how tired I was.
Masks
So, to sum up my story so far, the trip thus far, has been pretty decent. The only complaint I have is the whole “Checked Baggage” ordeal with Greyhound. The one day holiday in New York was splendid despite the growing chill as the night came around, and now, I am happily on my way to California.
Arrival Departure
Hudson
Lake Mississippi at night
Stay tuned for “Part II” in a couple days after I get back home (mom’s).
I am Daddy and I write my own story.
The Nines: Leaving the Palmettos
•November 26, 2013 • 7 Comments
Just a quick update today.
Nine days until I say goodbye to the seemingly incessant rain down here in the Palmettos this week. I’ll have a quick jaunt up to NYC and then it’s the train to sunny CA.
This Daddy is tryna do sum thangs! Here’s to hoping for an adventurous trek cross-country on the train.
Will check in before I bounce. I’m not leaving, just relocating.
Loves and Spanks!
I am Daddy and I’m adventurous.
The Dying Art of Touching
•November 25, 2013 • Comments Off on The Dying Art of Touching…It doesn’t matter if you are man or woman, you need touch…
I love this post and sooo true.
Unbreakable: Daddy’s Four Golden Rules
•November 21, 2013 • 8 Comments
My rules are quite simple. Because I want you to always be the person that you wish to be, it is much easier to deter bad behavior in favor of a positive outcome for our relationship no matter what level of intimacy we strive for. I’ll try to be brief.
You will NOT:
Disrespect…
We are equals always regardless of any power exchange or lack thereof. This relationship is about lifting each other up and not belittling one or both of us.
Disobey…
Directions are given for specific reasons and most often to maintain our dynamic and our safety. Our dynamic instills our preset roles and arrangements.
Dishonor…
Never seek to undermine me nor tear down what we are building together. The moment you do becomes the beginning of the end and we will be hard-pressed to recover.
Deny…
Never deny what we have. Never step outside of it to handle or address any issues within our relationship. If we cannot communicate effectively within the boundaries of our roles, then we have no positive dynamic in our relationship and we would become… Vanilla (ew).
These are relationship rules and NOT House Rules. House Rules are solely to be determined by me as the HoH and you will have proper opportunity for discussion or dispute through amicable and adult discourse.
Because of previous issues, these rules are unbreakable. Break one, we talk. Break two or more, we don’t talk anymore.
*I should restate that these are MY RULES for any relationship that I am in. I supply them here for many reasons up to and including:
Reference for new or aspiring Dom(me)s
Representation of the foundation I seek to build on
Resilience, simply publishing it requires my own adherence to it
Comments always welcome but be prepared to debate should you disagree.
I am Daddy and I have rules.
Random Vomitous: The Lust, Pounding, and Rushing
•November 14, 2013 • 6 Comments
The lust, the desire, the want, and the need.
I would bend it all to my will
It’s not the body that I want
But the mind that moves it
Pushing and pulling and prodding
I form the thing that would be my undoing
Smoothing this bump, raising that one
Jaggedly smooth along all the edges
Then she springs to life
More alive than she’s ever been
Consuming my devouring eyes
I fill and swell
The pounding, relentless
Breaths, short and rapid
Moans hid behind pursed lips
Only the sucking air escaped
Eyes squinted under furrowed brows
The anger of pleasure
Inhibitions gave way to desire
Fingertips elongated
Nails brandished and sparkling
Crimson daggers, swooshes against skin
Matching pinholes along necklines
Drips run and stain
The rushing, it stirs and rises
Voices, now strained
Pitched to a crescendo
Irises become mirrors, coloured and glossy
Not really seeing
Fearing the end
Balancing on the precipice
And the entire ledge falls away
Sinking, swirling, euphoria
The heat in between
Sealing us, becoming one
Now, one heart and one mind
One thought, one feeling
Complete
I am Daddy and I lust
Deviance: The Darkness of My Dominance
•November 14, 2013 • 4 Comments
Do you ever just give in to that dark desire? The one that you can’t tell another living soul about. Where just the thought of it makes you tingle, and you wanna tell? But you can’t for fear of what others may think about you? You know what? If you can’t tell your chosen partner, who can you tell?
I’m sure many of you felt this way when coming into your dominance or submission or both. It was a hard choice to accept, but the fact is, it’s why you’re you. It’s why you are the way you are. It hasn’t been an easy road for anyone except for maybe the rare few. I’m not talking about them. I’m talking about YOU (ME).
You’re just like me. I struggle with my own dominance and desires. I remember telling a very close friend, “I just want my sub”. They said they knew how I felt, but do they?
This year has been self improvement year for me. I dealt with a lot of things that were holding me and my happiness back. I also spent a lot of time mentoring and coaching Doms AND subs. Some of them loved and accepted my input and some just used me for all I was worth to them. I still wish every one of them good fortune and success in finding their true happiness, and true to my slogan, #LoveHard, I loved them for my part in their life.
We’re all put here for a reason whether you believe or accept it or not. Sorry, friends, there is a bit of order in all the chaos. I even told my “Gorgeous” that I was thankful for every decision she made that brought her one step closer to me. They may have been or not been the best decisions at the time, but I wouldn’t change a thing because she is with me now in every moment possible. No, this isn’t a post about falling or being in love. I leave that to our own private discourse, just for her an I. If I wrote about all the things we’ve discussed in private, well… you’d be in love with me or seriously thinking about it.
I read a tumblr post that said, basically, writers don’t remember to pay bills or anniversaries, but they can remember what you were wearing when you first met them and things like that. They could describe five different ways how your hair smelled on that day your life changed forever. It’s the important stuff, right? Come on, who doesn’t secretly wish for that?
Like our darkness, it’s part of our secret desires we never tell anyone and just wish the other person just ‘get’s it’. Oh, what a world that would be. Unfortunately, we live in a world where judgment is very much a part of our existence. This is better. That’s not right.
Blah! Fuck all that shit!
I say be honest with yourself. Accept everything about yourself, even the bad stuff you might not like and/or want to change. “Denial is the first symptom,” right? Fucking own it. Own yourself. How can you give all of yourself to someone else if you don’t even know who you are? How can you expect others to except you if you can’t even accept yourself? Never ask from others what you wouldn’t give of yourself.
I can say that with distinction. I’ve subbed before. I’ve personally felt every implement that I now swing myself. I know what it does and how it feels. The effect of every implement, I know them intimately.
Yea, yea. Formerly subbing makes me a better Dom. So what? The fact is, I’ve accepted that fact about myself, and it was with much deliberation before I decided to tell all of you, my readers. As a matter of fact, I even do my own self discipline, but do you know why?
After all is said and done, I just fucking need it. It’s better than cutting, which I used to do. It’s my darkness and not many understand it, but you know what? They don’t need to. It’s purely for me and nobody else.
So, many of you may have been wondering what dark and deviant desires I have. I will only say that my own deviance matches my dominance: intense and relentless. Yea, I said it. My own brand of dominance is only superseded by my deviance.
I am Daddy and I am Deviant
Wooden Spoon Chronicles 
