Hi, did you receive an email saying "your friend a_wa has posted for the first time in 2 years"? Yeah, I know. I'm surprised too.
But apparently, according to this post on BlueSky, LiveJournal might be going down permanently? The idea of that is honestly confounding to me. (Not sure I'm using that word correctly, whatever.) This website has survived the Crossthrough, the mass migration to Tumblr, and people turning towards visual-audio mediums for their primary social media usage. (Whether LiveJournal counts as social media is another post, but regardless, you know what I mean.)
It is, of course, possible that people are overreacting and that this post right here will sit still on this blog as the website continues for 20 more years... but maybe it won't. Maybe people aren't overreacting.
I know I haven't been on here but that doesn't mean I want it gone. It has all of my middle school memories inside it - the good, the bad, the ugly (oh, so much ugly! that's middle school for ya) - as well as the account of my friend Ramsey, may she rest in peace. I don't want that gone from the entire internet - my "connection" to Ramsey, even though she has been dead for 15 years. The memories matter. The memories of the GroovySmoothie (iCarly community that I was a member of with Ramsey), the memories of nickelodeon femslash, the memories of even the nasty drama on iw*nkarly (I still can't say the name even though I am 31 years old :P), and yes - later on - the members of ONTD and the 1D community. Those memories are great too, of course, but that's my young adulthood whereas the first things I mentioned were my teenhood.
And the unfortunate truth is a lot of those communities have already been deactivated long ago by the original moderators (not ONTD though, of course...) so in that sense the memory is already "gone" but I still liked returning to this blog once every year (just to keep it from getting deleted) and being able to feel that connection. (It sounds cheesy but so what, I love cheese.)
I am grateful that all my embarrassing middle school posts were under a lock and key, only to be seen by friends, instead of with my real name, my face, my voice, and even my town attached to them (Vine, Tik Tok, Instagram). Like thank goodness.
Dreamwidth can import your entire LiveJournal (that link leads to how) and I think that's what I'm gonna do. Even if I'm wrong and it turns out this post just sits here on this blog for 20 more years before I post again, oh well. At least I have that backup. I also need to figure out how to save Ramsey's blog, if I can. Her blog is on "memorial status" meaning it's not supposed to get deleted ever (unless they changed that rule too...) but I should try to save it if this is real and LJ is really going down at last.
I am assuming that all of you already know my Tumblr or AO3 if you happen to be on those websites (I deleted my Twitter 3 years ago thanks to Elon Musty) but, you know, if you don't have it and you want it, I can give it to you. As long as you know that I'm not the same me I once was (whom of us are? let's just be honest here). I still love One Direction though, and I am enjoying Louis-Harry-Zayn's new albums. <3
Hello... I don't know who is reading this, if anyone even is, because [Liam voice] it's been so long, it's been so long...
but it felt right to come back to LiveJournal specifically for this, as this is where I met a bunch of One Direction friends and had so many fun One Direction memories (even though Oh No They Didn't was a mess 9 times out of 10 and I'm sure it still is).
I'm looking at my own blog and laughing almost at the post that was at the very top (but won't be once this is posted). I gave it the year 2020 because as a teenager that seemed so far away that it would always be in the future and never in the present, and yet here I am. In 2024. Talking to the void about Liam Payne's death, another thing that was always going to be in the future and never in the present, because we were in the same age group and so of course we were going to all die at the same time.
Hi guys. So throughout this blog I feel like I've had a lot of things I've gone through and a lot of questions both answered and unanswered - I still have a lot of unanswered questions but don't we all? - and I feel like one of the biggest questions that's been a constant basically is: what is my faith? What do I believe in?
Well, after going to Young Life camp again this year, I think I've found an answer. I think.
I have decided I'm going to give a relationship with God a chance. I have been praying a lot recently and I have started noticing God in a lot of things I do now.
Yes I'm still asexual and biromantic, yes I still believe in evolution, and no I don't believe that my biromanticism is a sin. Even before I accepted God into my life I had read a lot of interpretations of the bible by LGBT+ Christians and those are the interpretations I believe.
It's okay if you don't agree with me/my religion, it's okay if you don't agree with evolution being real. I don't mind either of those things. But I wanted to make this post on here because I feel like LJ is where I first started posting about figuring out my faith and I wanted things to like, come full circle if that makes sense.
I'm still not 100% sure what this entails, and I'm a little bit scared still because a lot of conservatives over the years have ruined my view of Christianity, BUT I am going to try this and I'm sure God will lead me to the correct answer for things. I have two LGBT+ Christian friends in my life and I'm thankful God led me to them to show me that God is not spelled GOP, like a bumper sticker I saw once said.
So yes, I believe in God. It's a little scary but it also makes me very happy and I'm so glad to be able to finally be able to say it and really mean it. :)
I originally posted this on liferuiners, but I wanted a copy on my blog as well, so here we go. :)
It's safe to say 2015 was full of a lot of ups and downs with Zayn (especially for OT5 Zayn fans like me) but I still love my boy so much and hope he has an amazing birthday. <3
So, in honor of his birthday, let's take a trip through 2015 in pictures of Zayn.
(Please no negative comments on this post. You can feel how you want about him but I'd appreciate if you kept your negative comments elsewhere. Thanks. :))
So many amazing Zayn selfies this year. I love it.
Zayn's very first magazine cover! :) Even though there was no actual interview from him in the magazine, I still searched like EVERYWHERE to find it. It was almost impossible to find, but thankfully Amazon had my back a few weeks later. ;)
What a rebel. :P Hahaha. I love that one post on tumblr that was like "Zayn: have you taken the picture yet? Quick, someone's coming." So true. Hahaha.
Zayn and his mom on Halloween were the cutest.
He's so gentle looking here. I just want to touch his shirt and cuddle with him.
Zayn's boobs were one of my favorite moments of 2015 to be honest.
Before this we hadn't heard Zayn's voice in like forever, so I was so happy I kept playing these fan videos over and over again. :')
FADER MAGAZINE. I pre-ordered this one ahead of time so I wouldn't have to spend a million years tracking it down like with Interview Magazine. Hahaha. :P
And so begins Zigi. I don't really know anything about Gigi, but she makes Zayn happy, so I'm happy. <3
And so concludes 2015 for Zayn. I'm not going to lie, this wasn't anywhere near my favorite year for him or for 1D in general (and I know I'm not alone hahaha) but it got happier towards the end (for me at least). Because when I see how happy he (and the other boys) are at this point in time, how can I be anything but happy for all of them? Happy birthday Zayn! Thank you so much for still being amazing. <3
And now, time for the ships (my favorite part hehe). For each of these I'm going to start with moments from this year, and then do flashbacks to some of my favorite moments from previous years. :)
What I would've given to be at that Japan show to be honest.
They looked so close to kissing in that one to be honest.
These two are so silly. Hahaha. I love them.
Did you know: ALL of these so far are from this year alone?
What Makes You Beautiful must be about Zouis to be honest. They sung it to each other like all the time.
OTRA Zouis was the cutest. I cry.
They were always together???
We honestly got so much Zouis during OTRA.
Harry is me to be honest.
This was the moment my soul came back to life. I'm sad that the person who hacked Zayn made him unlike it. >:(
And, before I move onto flashbacks, I want to link this in case you were wondering what the lj-spoiler title for this section is supposed to be a reference to. There was an article written in French of an interview Zayn did during Paris Fashion Week and one of the questions was: "If you had to choose a memory from each one of the guys, what would it be?" and Zayn answers "Louis' smile". :') It's here if you wanna read it: (xo)
So, flashbacks to some of my favorite Zouis moments pre-2015:
And, of course, let's end this with the best Zouis moment of all time: :') I love these two so so much and am never going to give them up to be honest (insert rickroll here). <3
[Thanks bro 😀 x (Ziam)] Oh Ziam. This ship will truly never die. They love each other so much and I think that's beautiful. :')
Huggies and kisspering <3
If WMYB is about Zouis, then You & I is about Ziam. Seriously always singing it to each other.
Is it so wrong, that Ziam makes me strong?
It's like they can't go one second without staring at each other and/or following each other. I love it.
If there had to be a last OT5 photoshoot, I'm glad it was this one. Everyone looked so good and I liked it a lot.
I honestly can't tell if I'm repeating GIFs or not because there are SO MANY GIFS OF THEM STARING AT EACH OTHER. Goodness. They can't keep their eyes off each other, for real.
All microphones on Liam. Same.
And even after March 25, they still sing each other's praises/won't let the world forget how much they love each other. <3
OUR BROTHER ZAYN. ALL MY TEARS. ;_;
I'm probably still missing some things but oh well. Hahaha. You get the gist, they love each other a lot. <3
Flashbacks to some of my favorite pre-2015 Ziam moments: I seriously can't believe this is Liam's reaction to Zayn judging him. "You're judging me :) <3"
I hope this thread didn't slow down anyone's browser. It ended up way longer than I expected. Hahaha. ;_;
I couldn't find as many things for OTRA Zarry and Ziall. :/ With Zouis I remembered tumblr user zouisneedsmorelove had made an OTRA Zouis masterpost, and there's a literal blog called ziamotra, but I didn't have an idea where to look for OTRA Zarry/Ziall, SO. That's why these next two threads are lacking in comparison. But I hope you still enjoy them.
From tumblr: Louis asked Niall to describe the show in 18 words, Niall described it in only 16 words! Louis asked then if he should accept it! Zayn said yes and then this was their reaction.
When I saw Niall followed Zayn's new Instagram, I exploded to be honest.
Honorary shoutout to this "behind the scenes" video for a photoshoot from 2012 that the fandom just found this year:
And if you're wondering what my title for this cut is a reference to, it's from that interview Niall did with Eoghan. Eoghan asked about Zayn and Niall called him "Zayno" and I just thought that was adorable. <3 Link - (xoxo)
Flashbacks to some of my favorite pre-2015 Ziall moments:
Zayn singing Loved You First to Niall was one of the cutest things ever. :')
Let's conclude with them celebrating Niall's b-day in Vegas in 2014: Also, no picture for it, but insert "I just wanted to make you smile, is that okay?" "Yes Zayn, I love you." <3
Happy birthday Zayn! <3 I hope 2016 is a really good year for you. I love you with all my heart and I can't wait to see what you do next. :) <3
So I haven't really gone on ONTD anymore since March, unless my friends link to a post that intrigues me. And now that Zayn has gotten his own tag on there, I doubt even more that I'll ever go back to being dedicated to that comm, because:
1. Zayn hate in 1D OT4 posts 2. OT4 hate in Zayn posts 3. Zayn is no longer in the "one direction" tag. Because he's no longer in the band. So it's just a constant sad reminder... 4. ONTD is just in general a terrible place to be honest...
However, I don't want to lose this LJ account. There are too many beautiful memories on it. So I'm gonna attempt to make posts on a regular basis (even if "regular basis" means like one post every 3 months).
But ANYWAY, on a much brighter subject...
MARRIAGE EQUALITY IS LEGAL IN ALL 50 STATES!!!! I mean it has been legal for like a week now, but STILL! It's so exciting! :D I'm so happy that now I can get married to whoever I want wherever I want in the US. <3
This is what I (and so many others) have been waiting for for so long. :') And yeah, the fight for mogai (marginalized orientation, gender alignment, intersex) rights is by no means over, but STILL. This is a HUGE step forward!!!
I also wrote 2 tiny 1D fics to celebrate the announcement. ^_^
Title: You're Weird, But That's Why I Love You
Fandom: One Direction
Rating: G
Pairing: Niall/Harry
Summary: Niall’s having a moment with Obama’s speech. Harry doesn’t get it, but finds it cute anyway.
Summary: Marriage equality is legal in all 50 states of the US. Louis wonders how the heck that has anything to do with them when it’s been legalized in the UK for way longer, but Zayn seems to think it very much does have something to do with them.
It's been approx. a month and a half since Zayn left One Direction and I'm still so sad about it. Everyone else has moved on to either the OT4 or solo-Zayn, but I'm still stuck here sad. I'm trying to remove myself from the fandom, but it's so hard??? because this is all I've known for almost 3 years. This is my life. As weird as that may sound to some people, it's the truth.
But anyway, rather than trying to put it into words in this way, I'll instead show you all the poems I've written since then, because they explain how I feel better.
So I haven't really posted any of my fanfics on here in a long time and I know real person fanfiction is an uncomfortable thing for some people but I just feel like I have to post this fic here because it's definitely one of my best writings to date.
Title: Kiss me where I lay down
Fandom: One Direction
Rating: T
Pairing: Zayn/Louis
Summary: Zayn is a patient at the coma hospital Louis works at. He’s been in a coma for a few years now, and there’s controversy over pulling the plug. Louis doesn’t want that to happen, but after a while, what choice do you have?
Soooo, on the 11th I got to experience one of the best days of my life. I GOT TO SEE ONE DIRECTION. This year I've experienced both of my dream concerts. First meeting Fifth Harmony + watching them and Demi Lovato live, then watching One Direction live. The only way it could've been better would've been if I had met 1D (but they took away the M&Gs and I was broke anyway so whatever).
In honor of 1D's 4 year anniversary, I was binge watching old videos of them to celebrate. For a while, it was a really happy day, remembering all the cute little moments and reblogging old tumblr posts. But then, as often happens, I started getting sad.
So I posted this on tumblr, but I felt like it needed to be here as well because this is where it started. If you haven't read it on tumblr yet and you're my friend, please read this.
Well, I've graduated (that happened on May 25) and tomorrow I'm gonna do class registration for community college.
Nothing else really eventful has happened recently, except one of my sisters (Caroline) got a kitten named Hazel Anne and today I hung out with Hailey at an ice cream place which was pretty awesome. :)
So if you're reading this post, thank you for being one of the few people who still reads this journal.
My new grade resolution for senior year was to go on LiveJournal more and I did. I've been over at ohnotheydidnt as well as 2 One Direction communities on here posting comments like crazy.
Anyway, the point of this post is that I am still here. I'm just not posting as much anymore. I think I'm going to become one of those journals that uses LJ mostly for communities.
So yes, this account is still active. I'm still alive. I just use this for communities more now. :)
And hey, this could change. Maybe even tomorrow I'll start posting like crazy on here like I did 8th - 9th grade again, who knows? but this entry is just to let you know that yes, I am still here. I just am not using LJ for journal entries much anymore.
