Hi all.

I am an OG LJ user and just trying to get back into writing about my life. I would definitely be more inspired if I had more friends to read about trying to do the same. 

Quick synopsis: 30s. childfree. loves traveling. anxious girly.

**Please, before you go any further, understand that mine is going to  be a very personal, dark journey. If you are ok reading that kind of  material, please simply read my first entry, copied here, to see what  you are getting into.

To any who add, you are in for a ride.

________________________

Everything you read from here on out is true.

Every single word.

I have no reason to lie.

I went to great lengths to protect my identity as much as I could.

I'm never gonna say my name. Call me Guy.

I'm a fucking mess and I need to get this shit out of my head.

I'm bi-polar.

I'm depressed.

I'm on meds, but I'm about to lose my insurance.

I've  had numerous, debilitating health problems my entire life,  including  cancer, and tumors. Because of this, I live in constant pain.

I'm recently off a 9 year long distance-relationship, with a married woman.

I'm into kink. There is a specific part of female anatomy that drives me wild.

I'm  living with and taking care of someone who is currently dying of  lung cancer which has spread fucking *everywhere.* A guy who never  smoked in his life.

I suck my thumb.

I have OCD.

I have problems. Problems that most people don't have.

I  have journaled for the better part of my life. I have them  scattered  across txt documents, across word documents, across wordpress  sites,  across sites coded in HTML that I, myself designed.

I have had reams of paper and books with locks with my words for as long as I can remember.

When I am hurting, it seems to help, and I'm hurting.