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Subject:	so, it's been a long time..
Time:	2:08 pm.

a lottt has happened. but in the whole romance department i am feeling very ill even thinking of being with anyone ever again. each choice made is something i chose. but emotions tend to overrule logic by a longshot, and we make the wrong ones which can have a reverberating impact for years to come.

so, here..to get all my stuff out i will write a very personal entry/reminder as to why i am so grossed out by the idea of all things romance. i am not so much bothered by it in others unless it's false (and it usually is).

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Time:

2:36 am.

'it could be worse'

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Subject:	beautiful.
Time:	2:34 am.

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Subject:	halloweenies 2009 version
Time:	3:24 am.

i wasn't fully finished w/the makeup here. i went as the female version of frankenstein's monster. =]

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Subject:	zombie cake!
Time:	8:31 pm.

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Subject:	badaboom
Time:	3:48 am.

so i have a boy, and he's really cute. and yeah, he's cute. ^_^

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Time:

12:55 am.

i hate him.

lol!

wow.. life has been crazy lately. love it!

things on my last list have fizzled due to circumstances out of my control. but things are different and nice. and poops.

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Subject:	!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Time:	1:11 am.

okay, so major life shifts.

1. i might be going back to school pretty soon.
2. i'm kinda seeing someone..he's a firefighter/machinist/survivalist/DIYguy! ahh aw.
3. i have been signed. i share a label with some amazing ladies- zavoloka,sadore,psgirl,klyxn,fear of symmetry, and many other wonder beauts! expect an autumn release with one track from each of us. =] this is it!
4. i might be re-locating in january to good old Cali. my closest friend is there..and so are the amazing oceans that have been calling me! i have a few friends out there as well..so i won't be completely alone! wheeeeeee!
5. i finally learned how to shut off my emotions. sure in the morning everything that is in the back of my mind moves to the front, but towards midday i am okay again. finally! (his loss =P not mine!)
6. my sister is moving until dec. she got a temp. job. she is moving to virginia! ahhhhhhhhh so another place to visit!
7. i want to get my TEFL license so i can live abroad. not a near future goal.. but a-- in reach but not quite kinda goal. yaknow? =P i'm thinking about the czech republic, or poland. cause those darn polish guys. and the polish guy i dated, his sister moved back there. so i have a contact! wheee!
8. i still need to start working out again. i lost 15lbs then gained it all back. i need to go back onthe depression diet. haha noooo! it's all about diet for me me thinks. =P

9. that's it for now. =] i hope everyone is well!

10. bonk bonk bonk! i just needed an even number!

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Subject:	when someone says they love you
Time:	1:34 am.

don't believe them... unless it is their last words before death.

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Time:

1:38 am.

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Time:

11:54 pm.

i still love him.

=[

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Subject:	=] i made a little purchase for myself.
Time:	2:31 am.

this is my first piece of hardware. i also re-installed ableton live and i got a really great plug in of a arturia cs80 synth. (uh vangelis did the whole blade runner score using that! my fave score!) [thanks to my friend michaels (mittens) =) ]

also, if you are in the city (NY)and near the nautica store..take a gander at the ocean display, the music...well i made it. =] mmhmm for 30 days it will be playing a loop. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i know, insane! it was so spur of the moment too! i made it in like 5 hours? srsly. haha luke's brother helped with the whole video/display, so props to him as well. =] he worked his darn ass off for it!

hmmm yeah, my last post. well, bad things did happen, but i'm not dying over anything. thanks for the concern though, it means alot. i hope everyone is well besides. and i'm sorry i have been so absent.

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Subject:	i
Time:	12:43 am.

i can't really do the whole livejournal thing anymore. i sorrys!

i'll be here and there
but not as active. as you can see!

lot's of shit has happened too. good and bad, but that's life. so =]

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Time:

2:52 pm.

username: elekrisiti

or ( if ) elekrisiti [i'm in a group now, so it may be diff.]

on LEft 4 Dead [pc]

add me, and let's play!

=]

also, i keep having dreams where we are in nature with my ex-coworker/friend Alex. I miss her! =[

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Time:

2:48 pm.

so my brother went to best buy to get Call of Duty :waw.
and i was browsing the PC games. i decided to purchase Left 4 Dead because i heard nothing but good things.
it was fun. i haven't lpayed a FPS in ages.. [well, a year..]
and after i installed it i realized all my halflife2 data is gone.. so i have to replay that one again..d=!!

hmm, the exercise thing. i'm just doing, without even thinking. i don't feel like i'm losing chubs, i feel like i'm gaining muscle. i feel so much stronger. and after riding my bike to work for 2 years, my legs are never really sore.,, just my upper body is a bit. i feel like after a week i got used to the first workout quickly {there are 3, lvl 1 being easiest]. i mean, i still feel it. but i never ever feel sore. i don't know if that is a good thing or not.

i'm more into gaining muscle, rather than being slim. idk, the slim look is.. blah to me. and if the end of the world was to happen.. those people would most likely wither away and die.

hmm..

also, i had a dream my dad brought home a chocolate lab and 3 pups.
then i was in a lab creating some mixture with some european scientist man.

lately i've been dreaming of foreigners.. and speaking some polish to them. very weird. it's as if it was real.. not lucid though.
oh, i still have yet to have a completely lucid dream.

*sigggh*

but yes, my name is: elekrisiti

on steam, so add me if you want to play.

=]

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Subject:	dreamsss + past memories and folk
Time:	11:23 am.

i have been dreaming of this certain town alot. it looks like..a place i have never been, yet so familiar. it feels like somewhere on the northeast coast. well more north of NY. it gives me vibes of Massachusetts [i've never been].
it's strange.

so yes, an old friend was in this dream and we were talking. his name is toby. i actually saw toby about a year or so ago, randomly in a pizza place. i didn't say anything because it was the most random of randoms. i wish i did.
his mother actually shops at the place where i work [well once a year.]
i mentioned to her that i think i saw him, but i did not say anything. she said i should if i see him again.
i asked around and heard that he was back for some time. so i felt like a jerk not saying anything, but then again.. awkward.
he did keep staring at me, maybe wondering if i was who he thought i was as well.

hmm.. let me go back further. so yes, when i was a youngin' i used to be watched by different people randomly throughout my childhood. i must have been 4 or so when his mother watched me.

i remember they lived in this beautiful home. it was actually part of the vanderbuilt estate, used as a ice house. [which i just found out.]
i don't remember much.. only the wood walls, the huge room filled with large glass windows and plants, the walks through the nearby woods,the large attic space,and the little play we held for people.. which all i can remember is being nervous and giggly and uncooperative. haha

so yes!

onward!

so when i woke up, i had an urge to search for toby...myspace/facebook, andywhere. but nothing! so i searched for his mother, and i found her blog. first page on google. and i read it. i felt a bit weird, but she was once a mother figure to me during one of the most intense developmental stages for a child.

and wow! the life she lived. they lived in the bahamas in a farming/fishing village and had a 12 mile bike ride to the nearby town. they lived in greenwich village and had a daycare, the kids were fed miso and seaweed. they were all about macrobiotics and organic eating. they moved to LI and lived in an old farmhouse and had their own farm. etc..

it's just so interesting. i think about my grandpa alot ..and how i wish i was older when he passed so i could have at least learned more about his past. all i have is the words of others.
which is great, but not as intense as hearing an experience from the person who had them.

it's just.. so weird to know someone more so when you don't know them. you know what i mean?
i should really ask her for toby's contact info next time i see her.

gosh..

so weird right now!

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Subject:	serious bidness
Time:	5:53 pm.

seriously.

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Subject:	ooo
Time:	1:01 pm.

i see dubsteps starting to make it's rounds.

a bit late peoples!

same with the chiptunes!!

ugh! haha

i need a raise.

i'm probably going to sell the car i bought. i settled too fast for something. i needed to do more detective work... and that's what i have decided. i need something a bit more reliable. just a tad.

:P

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Time:

1:06 pm.

i love technology, but i feel like it is really ruining people.

just last last i was bowling with luke and baron..and i look to the table to the right of me.

5 people, 3 girls + 2 guys, all texting. their faces in their phones.

why even hang out with people? i find it to be so rude.. it's almost like "you're too boring for me to hang out with you, so i'm going to text other people instead".

idk.

so i started exercising again. and i am proud to say i am not tooo too sore. which is a good/bad thing. it means i exceeded the level i placed on myself..but it also means i should work even harder.

i gained alot of weight back this past holiday season. seeing family often, with food..lots of it. i love home made goods.. and well reese's.

so i'm trying to just start the new year a bit more fresh. i'm going to slowly work back into it. because if i just throw myself into it.. i most likely will fight myself and stop.

i still have my muscles. but i have been feeling a bit weaker, which i don't like.

i freaking hate winter. idk..it's almost like my body goes into hibernation mode - the sleep.
i eat, and am just blah.. unmotivated.
granted it is still winter.. i'm trying to just do it without even thinking about it.

i always use the apocalpyse as inspiration. if the world started to cave in on itself, i would like to be more fit and able-bodied to handle things.

hey, whatever gets you going?

hmm..

so..yes. sara moved to LA. well, closer. she still wants me to come visit. i really should. i'm just nervous about planes.
she may be coming back here for a bit mid January, for her dad's wedding party thing. it's almost been a year since i've seen her in person. idk..it's so weird.

everytime i get close with anyone, they move away. this has been happening since elementary school...
stupid life.
so i tend to not be too social because i don't like losing people. honestly...

because now Monique is moving in April...

argg.

i'm bored of the internet.

[end]

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Subject:	so many
Time:	7:56 pm.

so many different emotions are happening @ once lately.. i can't.

i exploded on a customer the other night.
she triggered me. idk why..but when parents or teacher's curse.. it fuels me.

i bugged out. i won't go into it. but.. gosh. i had such an adrenaline rush.

i don't know what to do though. i feel emotions, but i feel like it is only on a surface level. it's kind of sad. i feel bored and angry all the time. i laugh and have fun, but it's..not long-lasting.

oh..becoming an adult. how sweet it is!

=/

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