....................I NEED YOU LIKE WATER IN MY LUNGS.

Subject:	blah
Time:	12:32 am.
Mood:	blah.

i have to wake up to go to work in less than 8 hours, but i cant sleep.

i'm in such a funk right now. i don't know what to do about school and its killing me. i'm racking my brain and crying on a daily basis because i just don't know what to do. i don't really want to go back to suffolk. that school bring out the worst in me. after coming so far from the lowest point in my entire life, i'm really scared if the temptation is there i'm going to fall back into addiction. it doesnt even have the major i want, i'm deffinetly not going back for junior year, and almost all of the few good friends i made at school last year are not coming back. not to mention that its 2.5 hours away from gil which is going to kill me seeing as how i miss him after not seeing him for a day when we're in the same town.

i dont know. i applied to the new york film academy. its in a big city, i would be near 5 of my best friends plus all of the wagner kids i've met. i would get my degree in two years and would know pretty much everything there is and that i need to make it in the film industry. and sure, i would still be far from gil, but it wouldn't be so bad since i would be learning how to do something i love.

its wierd. i've just been in such a funk the past few weeks. i've been so stressed and so upset and i've been doing my best to hide it and try to just work it all out in my mind but its not working.

and i have no reason to be upset. i have great friends. i'm in love with the most amazing guy i've ever met. i do fun things. i know people care about me. maybe its about time i need to start taking the antidepressents again as much as i hate the idea of it. i think that its coming down to the point where if i dont i may go nuts.

not to mention the more i think about it, the more disgusted i get with how out of shape i've let myself get. i wish i could just snap my fingers and be the person i was before i left for college.

i suppose i have a lot of thinking to do.

anywho, i'm working 40 hours a week at the crapstone so chances are of you come visit i will be there. so come visit.

<3

8000 sippin bacardi - party like it's yo birfday.

Subject:	boredededed
Time:	10:08 pm.
Mood:	weird.

party like it's yo birfday.

Time:	8:28 pm.
Mood:	tired.

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
credit card

2. Favorite Place to eat a romantic Dinner?
either a night picnic at the beach, or ION

3. Last time you Puked from Drinking?
ahh, a week ago?

4. When is the last time you got drunk and woke up in a strange place?
not since first semester

5. Name of your First Grade Teacher?
mr bruche

6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
seeing the boyfriend

7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
palientologist

8.How many colleges did you attend before you settled on the one you graduated from?
so far just one but i can't see myself going there past sophomore year

9. Why did you wear the shirt that you have on right now?
because i dont feel like wearing a bra and this one has a bra built in

10. Gas Prices! First Thought?
whatever. they're not going down anytime soon, so might as well just accept it

11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you where would you go and who would you take?
i would take gil with me to live in beacon hill

12. First Thought When the alarm went off this morning?
ahhhhh tired. lets sleep another half hour and just rush getting ready

13. Last thought before Falling asleep last night?
i fell asleep in his arms and i was thinking how amazing my life is right now

14. Favorite style of Underwear?
commando

15. Favorite style of underwear for the opposite sex?
boxers, i can deal with boxer briefs, but no tighty whities

16. What Errand/Chore do you despise?
dishes

17. If you didnt have to work would you?
hellllll no!

18. Sex or Sleep?
it depends

19. Your Favorite Cartoon Charater?
peter griffin

20. Favorite non sexual thing to do at night with a girl/guy?
cuddle and watch movies

21. A secret that you wouldnt mind everyone knowing?
there are naked pictures of me on the internet

22. What was your First Car?
the saab, i still have it

23. Your Best Your Mamma Joke?
uhhh, i dont think i really know any

24. Your Favorite Lunch Meat?
i'm a vegetarian

25. What do you get everytime you go into a WAWA?
i don't know what that is

26. Beach Or Shore?
beach

27. Do you think Marriage is an outdated ritual that was invented by people who died at 20?
no, but i deffinetly don't think it works for everone

28. Who do you Stalk on myspace?
YOUR MOM

29. Favorite Guilty Pleasure?
ashley simpson, mean girls, the notebook

30. Favorite Movie you wouldnt want anyone to find out about?
either mean girls or the notebook

31. What's your drink?
midori sour

32. Cowboys or Indians?
cowboys!

33. Cops or Robbers?
robbers, fuck the police!

34. Do you cheer for the bad guys?
sometimes

35. What Hollywood Star do you think resembles you best?
apparently i resemble a young kathy bates... but i don't know if thats good

34. If you had to pick one which cast member of Lost would you be?
locke!!! he's the man

36. where did 35 and 36 run away to?
your mom's house

37. What do you want when you are sick?
cuddle with the boy

38. Who from High School would you like to run into?
i don't know, i never mind seeing the band hallway kids

39. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
105.9

41. Stiffler or Oz?
uhhhh i only saw american pie once a jillion years ago

42. Norm or Cliff?
see above

43. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons?
simpsons

44. Worst Relationship Mistake that you wish you could take back?
umm, the major mistakes in my past relationships i don't feel were my fault

45. Do you Like the Person who sits directly across from you at work?
i don't work at a place where you sit across from someone

46. If you could get away with it who would you kill?
not sure, thats a big decision

47. What Famous person would you like to have dinner with?
wes anderson or quentin tarentino

48. What famous Person would you like to sleep with?
jason schawrtzman or kieran culkin

49. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
nope

50. Last book you read for real?
ahhh, hunter s thompson's hells angels

51. Do you have a teddy bear?
no but i have a manatee

52. Strangest Place you have ever had sex?
public bathrooms in a dorm building

53. Strangest Place you have ever wanted to have sex?
somewhere in public, or my pool

54. How many times a day do you text?
ehh maybe once every few days its quite costly

55. at this point in your life would you rather start a new career or relationship?
i just did both

56. Do you go to church?
never been to church

57. Pencil or Pen?
pen

party like it's yo birfday.

Time:

12:34 am.

there is no better feeling in the world than waking up and having the first thing you see be your dream man sleeping next to you.

i finally found that final piece of the puzzle thats always been missing.

this is the start of something huge. the start of something i've always deserved. and all of the losers and jerks i've had to weed through finally led me here, to the first person to ever like me for me, who thinks i'm perfect exactly how i am.

neither of us know how to ride a bike. it was meant to be.

4000 sippin bacardi - party like it's yo birfday.

Time:	12:39 pm.
Mood:	hungry.

so i made the concious decision a few days ago that i don't want to smoke pot anymore. i gave away my pipes and about 30$ worth of weed. its not that i dont enjoy smoking, but im doing it too often and its leading me to being more and more of a fatty. when i smoke, all i do is eat... and munchies get expensive!

ive been going to the gym, going running, and eating pretty healthy since ive come back to CT. i'm really going to try to keep it up this time. i know i always say i'm going to quit... but i never do. this time it's for real. i wanna be the person i was before i started college, when i could be happy and have an awesome time with no drugs involved. i was a lot more addicted to it than i thought, because i'm deffinetly getting mild withdrawl symptoms. so if i see you and i am extremely bitchy, i apoligize!

anywho, i'm going to hk's prom with my darling love justine! needless to say, im pretty excited. and that same day joe and bekka get back from europe!!!!!!

also! my mom is letting me go to bonnaroo! YEEAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!

what else. CT is boring. i need to find a job, and an apartment for next year, and i wouldn't mind finding a boyfriend...

especially if it was one boy in particular who i just can't seem to get out of my head.

BAH.

3000 sippin bacardi - party like it's yo birfday.

Time:	12:57 pm.
Mood:	depressed.

you would think that i would be excited to be done with my freshmen year of college.

i'm really sad! we started taking all the posters and kick knacks out of the apartment and its so bare. i'm really going to miss this place, some of the best times of my life have been here. and i'm going to miss courtney a ton, even if we didn't always get along she was a great roommate. like, i was literally crying today with each poster i pulled off my walls.

and when i went into work today to give my two weeks i wanted to cry again. i love starbucks its the best job i've ever had i'm going to miss everyone so much. especially hannah and jasmine!! how am i going to go hannah and jasmine-less for 4 months!! it breaks my little heart.

to make matters worse, kalin, the best friend i've made in boston, is going to school in LONDON next year. if i get to go see her, i'll be lucky.

so basically in a nut shell, i wish the year wasn't ending. it went by so fast and there is still so much i want to do.

i dont know. as much as i bitched and complaied about how much i hate suffolk and all the drama, its been a great year. ive learned a lot, experienced a lot, and realized who my true friends are.

you know who you are, and i love you all.

CT... get ready for the most rockin summer ever. we're gonna go balls out with the trickery. <33333

9000 sippin bacardi - party like it's yo birfday.

Subject:	what i did during finals week
Time:	6:16 pm.
Mood:	hungover.

yes... that is me... REDICULOUSLY drunk and dancing on a box with two male strippers at a club on gay night.

best part? i came home with three dollars stuffed in my pants! haha

2000 sippin bacardi - party like it's yo birfday.

Time:	12:47 am.
Mood:	pensive.

so... my first year of college is winding down. i can honestly say its been an intense emotional rollercoaster i hope i never deal with again. it's amazing how much a person can change and go through in 9 months. in the course of this year i have:

lived on my own for the first time
had my first real boyfriend
fallen in love
had my heart broken... about 10 times
became sexually active
tried drugs
gotten my first tattoo
gotten my second tattoo! hehe
dealt with an alcohol problem
met some of the best friends ive ever had
made some of the worst enemies ive ever had
cried more than i ever thought possible
laughed more than i ever thought possible
realized how much i need c-town, as much as i thought i hated it
packed on 30 pounds
started smoking
was diagnosed with clinical depression

in all honestly, the list isn't too positive. however, i'm realizing more and more where my priorities need to lie. i'm working on getting back to who i was before college, back in shape and clean... and respectful of myself and my body.

this year has also tought me who my true friends really are. and i can honestly say, not a one goes to suffolk university. okay well a couple do, but from my experience at suffolk most people are bitches who are only out to get me. for whatever reason that may be. however, my posse loves, i have never needed you more in my life and love all of you and am so glad summer is almost here.

so yeah, its been an intense year. those of you who i have dragged through it can vouch for me. i ought to make a movie out of this, lifetime would eat it up.

this is not to be taken as a negative entry i am pretty pleased with my life right now despite how sucky it has been. i wouldn't change anything that has happened because without it, i would never have learned so much about myself. that and its almost summer so i can hang out with my lovelies and go for drives and hot box my car and go to hammonasset and see my lacrosse girls and just be back to normal for three months!

oye.

7000 sippin bacardi - party like it's yo birfday.

Time:

11:50 am.

*×About Me×*
×Basics×
Name*:	marissa
Nickname*:	riss, rissa, bourbon
Birthdate*:	3-6-87
Birthplace*:	springfield, MA
Hometown*:	c-town
Current Town*:	c-town/ boston
Eye Color*:	green
Hair Color*:	brown
School*:	suffolk university
Heritage*:	irish, english, native american
Height*:	5.2
Weight*:	heavier than it should be
Righty or Lefty*:	righty
Age*:	19
Middle Name*:	lin
Pets*:	3 kitties who i love dearly
Glasses/Contacts*:	glasses
Marital Status*:	single
Siblings*:	none
Grade*:	freshman in college
×Favorites×
Color*:	pink
Animal*:	kittens
T.v Shows*:	cartoons and the food network
Movie*:	city lights, igby goes down, party monster, eternal sunshine, garden state
Song*:	hey jude - the beatles
Sport*:	lacrosse
Sport To Watch*:	lacrosse
Actor/Actress*:	mark ruffalo
Food*:	everything bagels
Drink*:	tea
Alcoholic Drink*:	midori sour
Number*:	9
Clothing*:	anything from urban
Book*:	perks of being a wallflower
Snack Food*:	granola
Season*:	spring and fal
Hobby*:	art
Restaurant*:	its only natural
Place To Be*:	home
Holiday*:	christmas
Thing To Do On Weekends*:	party
Hangout*:	my apartment
T.v Commercial*:	the hilton commercials
Board Game*:	cranium
Quote*:	all you need is love
×School×
Do You Like It*:	i hate it so much
Ever Skipped*:	on a regular basis
Your Schedule For School*:	monday- thurs
Easy Classes*:	my film classes
Good Grades*:	i get decent grades
Want To Go To College*:	i'm in college
Where*:	boston
Ever Gotten Detention Or Suspended*:	yes
Why*:	being late, talking back
Play Any Sports*:	lacrosse and field hockey
Do You Daydream*:	sometimes
Your Best Friend*:	never really had one
What Do You Want To Be*:	fabulous
What Time Do You Wake Up*:	usually afternoon
Shower In The Morning Or Night*:	morning
Ever Cheated On A Test*:	yes
Always Do Your Homework*:	try to
Ever Cried In School*:	yes
Ever Fell Asleep In School*:	yes
×Love/Relationships×
Age Of Your First Kiss*:	14
Virgin*:	no
Do You Want To Get Married*:	no
Want Kids*:	no
Made Out With More Than One Person A Day*:	yes
Had Sex With More Than One Person In A Day*:	yes
Ever Cheated On Someone*:	no
Ever Been Cheated On*:	yes
Favorite Feature Of The Opposite Sex*:	eyes, smile, personality
First Thing You Notice About The Opposite Sex*:	eyes, teeth (i cant deal with nasty teeth)
Your Dream Location For Your Wedding*:	dont want to get married
Made Out With Just A Friend*:	yes
Made Out For 3 Minutes*:	yes
Made Out With Someone You Didnt Want To*:	yes
Kissed A Stranger*:	yes
Hugged A Stranger*:	yes
Made Out In A Theatre*:	yes
Kissed In The Rain*:	yes
×Childhood×
First Best Friend*:	sarah borgnis
Still Best Friends*:	um, i think becky, lindsey, kyle and dave are my longest time friends
First Pet*:	a dog named mandy
What Did You Want To Be When You Grew Up*:	i wish i knew
The First Big Trip You Took*:	hawaii in the 7th grade
City You Grew Up In*:	clinton
Did You Enjoy Your Childhood*:	not really
Howd You Meet Your First Best Friend*:	in school
Any Bad Injuries When You Were A Child*:	yeah i almost had my arm amputated when i was 7
×Pick One×
Night Or Day*:	night
Sweet Or Sour*:	sweet
Chocolate Or Vanilla*:	chocolate
Beer Or Hard Liquor*:	hard liquor
Black Or White*:	black
Summer Or Winter*:	summer
Hugs Or Kisses*:	kisses
Grilled Or Fried*:	grilled
Silver Or Gold*:	silver
Pie Or Cake*:	cake
Cough Or Sneeze*:	sneeze
Hot Or Cold*:	hot
Past Or Present*:	past
×Have You Ever×
Gotten Drunk*:	yes
Gotten So Drunk You Couldnt Remember Anything*:	yes
Gotten High*:	yes
Got Arrested*:	no
Smoked A Cigarette*:	yes
Gotten In A Fight*:	yes
Snuck Out*:	yes
Been In Love*:	yes
Been Out Of The U.S*:	no
Ever Stolen Anything*:	yes
Cried Over Anyone Of The Opposite Sex*:	yes
Traveled By Plane*:	yes
Made Yourself Throw Up*:	yes
Had Any Bad Injuries/Falls*:	yes
Came Close To Dieing*:	no
Swam In The Ocean*:	yes
Sat On Your Roof Top*:	not my roof, but a roof, yes
Danced In A Public Place*:	yes
Smiled For No Reason*:	yes
Cried For No Reason*:	no
Laughed So Hard You Cried*:	yes
Written A Song*:	yes
Gotten A Song Stuck In Your Head*:	yes
Performed On A Stage/Infront Of A Big Group Of Peopl*:	yes
Talked To Someone You Didnt Know*:	yes
Rode In A Car With Someone You Didnt Know*:	yes
Read The Paper*:	not often
Driven*:	yes
Regretted Something*:	yes
Drunk Dialed*:	yes
Ran Away*:	no
Slept Outside*:	yes
Pulled An All Nighter*:	yes
Cried Yourself To Sleep*:	yes
Slept All Day*:	yes
Broken The Law*:	yes
Been To A Concert*:	yes
Danced Naked*:	yes
Met A Famous Person*:	yes
×Last×
Person You Hugged*:	tasha
Person You Made Out With*:	i'd rather not say
Person You Talked On The Phone To*:	tasha
Person Who Imed You*:	andrew, i think
Person You Left A Comment On Myspace*:	marc
Person That Left You A Comment On Myspace*:	kyle
Person You Met*:	your mom
Song You Sung*:	bubble pop electric - gwen stefani
You Laughed At*:	i dont remember
Last Thing You Ate*:	soup
Time You Cried*:	yesterday
Thing You Said*:	i dont remember
Movie You Watched*:	reflections in a golden eye for my film class
Person You Yelled At*:	cant remember
Person Who Told You They Loved You*:	my mom
Person You Said I Love You To*:	my mom
Time You Sang*:	last night
Person In Your Bed*:	dylan
Song You Got Stuck In Your Head*:	bubble pop electric - gwen stefani
Person To Take Your Picture*:	tasha
Person To Text Message You*:	umm tim i think
Person You Text Messaged*:	tasha
Shoes You Wore*:	my clogs
×Random Questions×
Any Talents*:	blow jobs, singing, artsy stuff
Your Fears*:	being alone
Pet Peeves*:	feet
Have Any Tattoos*:	two, cassette tape on my ankle and a music note on my wrist
Have Any Piercings*:	nose, navel, monroe, gauged ears, nipples
Worst Thing That Happened To You*:	last traumatic thing was probably getting dumped
Have A Job/Where*:	starbucks and coldstone
Most Missed Memory*:	last summer
Have Your License*:	yep
Do You Drive*:	not well, but yes
Sing In The Shower*:	yes
Phrase You Get Most Often*:	i know, right
Have Regrets*:	yeahh
Favorite Memory*:	the posse, craigs bonfire, feeling infinite
Your Weakness*:	boys
Before You Die What Do You Want To Accomplish*:	fall in love
Your First Thought When You Wake Up*:	RHJGJKBHOLKVGTFCLHK
Shampoo That You Use*:	thermasilk
How Big Is Your Bed*:	full
Things You Cant Live Without*:	thc, friends, music
If You Were Stuck On A Deserted Island One Thing Youd Bring Is*:	you!
The Best Feeling*:	love
The Worst Feeling*:	love
The Thing Your Most Scared Of Right Now*:	being alone forever
How Many Pillows Do You Sleep With*:	three
Do You Own A Cellphone*:	yes
Do You Own An Ipod/MP3*:	yes
Own More Than 10 Pairs Of Shoes*:	yes
Take this survey \| Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

5000 sippin bacardi - party like it's yo birfday.