journalanon's Journal

Everything you read from here on out is true.

Every single word.

I have no reason to lie.

I went to great lengths to protect my identity as much as I could.

I'm never gonna say my name. Call me Guy.

I'm a fucking mess and I need to get this shit out of my head.

I'm bi-polar.

I'm depressed.

I'm on meds, but I'm about to lose my insurance.

I've had numerous, dehabilitating health problems my entire life, including cancer, and tumors. Because of this, I live in constant pain.

I'm recently off a 9 year long distance-relationship, with a married woman.

I'm into kink. There is a specific part of female anatomy that drives me wild.

I'm living with and taking care of someone who is currently dying of lung cancer which has spread fucking everywhere. A guy who never smoked in his life.

I suck my thumb.

I have OCD.

I have problems. Problems that most people don't have.

I have journaled for the better part of my life. I have them scattered across txt documents, across word documents, across wordpress sites, across sites coded in HTML that I, myself designed.

I have had reams of paper and books with locks with my words for as long as I can remember.

When I am hurting, it seems to help, and I'm hurting.

I try to journal every day. I do it for a while, then I stop, then I come back years later, and I feel like shit because I haven't done it in so long.

Its a long, fucked up cycle, and I hate it.

I have no idea how long I'm gonna be here for, but I'm gonna try forever.

I have lived in fear my entire life about being able to fully divulge myself for fear of being labeled a fucked up wacko.

Who sucks their thumb, or likes shaved female armpits?

I do. And I don't want your judgement.

I want to tell this story. I've been thinking of compiling a book. I still have all those documents, and could compose 10 volumes of shit already.

Any way I do it, I think its going to start to come out.

But the only way I can have this form of self therapy is if I'm able to do it fully, and completely, and for that reason, I need my anonymity.

This isn't a story for kids. That's the only warning I'm gonna give.

And while I may reveal things to you that you absolutely despise me for, I will repeat, just one more time:

"Everything you read from here on out is true. Every single word. I have no reason to lie."