Granted this was posted like three years ago but it's worth reading:I will admit right away, as someone who has only read the sample pages, this isn't an entirely fair review.
But from what I have read, I have no idea why anyone would have the desire to buy it and put themselves through the whole thing.
(I will assume that the sample pages are the first few pages of the book.)
First of all, the author switches from Morgalla's perspective to random passerbys for no other reason than to showcase how magnificent Morgalla is. Omniscient writing is tricky to begin with, and it's even harder when the writing is amateurish at best. The author glosses over major things like the fact that Morgalla is 'returning to earth', but we get full detail of the outfit she puts on after doing it. It's also quite purple prose like, with its random musings of "So many people starting their day" and odd, and mostly unneccesary descriptions. I don't need to know she has knit gloves with the fingers cut off. I already know a school bus picks up children. I don't care if it is ALMOST cold enough for frost. None of these things are important, and take the reader more out of the scene than draw them in.(And I wouldn't really call the music of the 70's something as gentle as "a wonderful melody". It's not like it's Beethoven's 5th that's being described here.)
Everything is described in strange cutouts. There's too much desciption, but of nothing that really helps me understand the story.
The whole first section is really just a throw away part to showcase how awesome his character is.
Which brings me to my second point. I have a problem with "the young red-headed heroine".
The author seems to have forgotten that we don't know Morgalla as well as he does. We have no prior connection to her, and it's very difficult to make one at all with so many expositional things being thrown at us before we even get a chance. She really quite reeks of the dreaded 'Mary-Sue' that everyone seems to despise. Within paragraphs of meeting her, we already see her saving a nun.
And that she gives off good vibes when she's happy.
And that she can feel other people's emotions.
And that she's a demon.
And that she can transform.
And that she's heroic.
And that she's the same height as the nun. (Really? Did I need to know that?)
I don't know what to think of this book, because the author clearly is inexperienced and because I haven't read it entirely. But despite that, it's clear that more time needs to be put into this.
With all that said, I do not want to crush the author entirely. I think this is a clear example of 'Get this edited and try again', because as it stands it is just... difficult to read the entire way through. Not at all ready to be sold as a book.
If the reader doesn't get hooked on the plot in the first few pages, then it needs to be written again, and I didn't even get a sense of what this story could be about.
Source:
Here
malreaddoald
Chris Hennick
