crushedWell this is my first time blogging so, sorry for when i make mistakes or piss anyone off >.<" wait.. am i allowed to say piss off? well if i annoy anyone.. I'm basically going to write stuff how i say it, so if you dont understand what i type.. you probably wouldnt understand me in rl either(:
Basically, i started this blog thing because my boyfriend used to have one. wait, my bad.. EX-bf.. ): hahaha yeahh.. not getting used to it yet. Yeah, so as i was saying, my ex-bf used to have a blog.. although he only wrote two entries.. and they were both kinda about me. the thing that annoyed me was the fact that he put my FULL NAME on the internet.. yeahh.. i would die if anyone read it.. cos the first blog was a semi-dodgy topic..
So yeah.. about me, you're probably wondering how i look and stuff.. [i have a major urge to type ''and shit'' cos thats what i usually say..] Well, i'm from Hong Kong.. so ASIAN ~_~" and being from hk and asian.. it comes with the following.. short, small eyes, asian teeth&c. [although i have had braces so they're ''straight'' now(: ] yesss... i know youre thinking that im racist and like.. wth is she basing herself on stereotypes and stuff.. well honestly speaking.. i am racist.. i'm not really proud of it.. but since i was little, thats how my parents brought me up, so i kinda followed after them.. ANYWAYS.. i'm gettin WAAAAAAY off track):yeahh.. i'm like average i guess. for an asian..
anyways back to my ex.. yeahh.. well to this date, we would have gone out for 4.5 months.. but yeahh.. this is basically what led to our BIG BIG breakupp..
i leave for hk. my father is trying to make me move back to hk permanently, so to satisfy him, I say that i will go back. the original plan was to go back for a few months and depending on how things work and my health&c, maybe end up moving back there permanently.. During my stay in hk, i found out something about my health. this made me pretty messed up and confused, and i really really missed my boy, so i bought the first ticket i could get back to aus to spend as much time as i could with him.
After I come back, all i could think about was how much i missed him so i didnt see all the things that changed.. later on that week i started to realise and i asked him if he still felt for me. he said ''to be honest i dont love you as much'' ... ''he likes me'' blah blah.. you catch the drift. I was really broken after that. I tried to fix it.. mend it back.. but i dont know. it never really worked.. i guess maybe he just didnt want us?
sorry for jumping all over the place.. i dont even know what im talking about anymore.. but its good to get stuff off my chest.
i guess i probably knew that he never actually loved me.
my relationship with him has always been with me as the ''guy'' because he hardly opens up, even to me. I call him, txt him, arrange outings, go over to his place, buy him presents.. yeahh.. you get the picture.. i'm not saying that he wasnt a good bf, because he was amazing to me. but; he never smiled when he saw me,
it seemed effortless for him not to contact me, like call or txt or even msn.
he never had the urge to just wake up at 4am and catch uses for 2 hours at 2 degrees celcius to go see him for 30minutes before school.
he never had the urge to come over to my house unannounced to surprise me.
he never had the urge to just buy me a gift because he saw it and it was cute.
he never wore the presents i bought him, just because i was the one who bought it and when other people compliment it or anything say ''yeah, thanks, my gf bought it for me''
he never felt a need to tell me how much he loved me or needed me
he never just zoned out and stares at me when im speaking cos he cant take his eyes off of me.
he never neglected anyone or anything because of me [this is probably a good thing..]
he never offered to come over when i was feeling broken and down and needed him.
he never did a lot of things to show me that he actually knows i exist and care.
yeah.. this is getting really bitchy and emo.. }:
and because he never did a lot of things;
i always pretended to be happy without him even though i was crying inside, just to see if he would show an ounce of emotion.
i always pretended to notice other boys, just to try and make him jealous, to see if he would be possessive of me.
i always pretended to flirt with other people to make him get angry with me, then hug me and tell me he loved me afterwards.
i always started the fights just so i could hear those three words from him, without asking for him to say it.
i always went over unannounced and tried to surprise him just to see if he would take a hint and do the same just once for me?
i always created chances for him to do anything for me.
yeahh... these two lists are endless...
well i think im heading off to bed now, evcen though its 6.40pm.. i havent slept for a few days.. yeah we broke up a few days ago..
OFFICIALY?? i guesss? i think it's official because he hasnt called me, txted me, or even talked to me on fb or msn or anything.. it's quite depressing actually.. ): hahaha.. heh.. erm, yeah it's killing me.
BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
xx
p.s. if you think i should stop with the blog thing, tell me so.. because i think im boring and i suck t this too.. :/
p.p.s SORRY FOR ANY INCORRECT GRAMMAR AND/OR B
p.p.p.s i swear this is the LAST ONE!!! good song(: Tong hua {fairytale} - Michael Wong and SWIFTYS WHITE HORSE AND YOU BELONG WITH ME. cos you do :D (:
