The silence screamed a warning

But only now do I realize

Now when it’s too late

The abyss screamed in the silence

Giving me every chance

Falling in the helpless dark

My love, never forget me

I don’t want to be just another

The daily routine hides more

The demons as they jeer

Now I scream a warning

In the silence of my poetry

Do not fall, my love, do not fall

It’s too late to save me

The abyss has won

Never forget, never forget me

I’m screaming, though not breathing

I can’t breathe, I’m dying

Do not fret for me, my love

Just do not become like me

Do not fall, resist the abyss

My mistakes are a silent warning

I love you, don’t run from me yet

Do not let me pull you down too

I ignored the silent warnings

Hear mine, my love, hear mine

Do not ignore this, please

Please, promise I won’t be just another

Another face, another name, another love

As I fade into the abyss

God, the belt, I can’t breathe

I ignored the warnings, every warning

Laden in the silence

I should have feared the demons

Before they dragged me down

Fear the demons, fear the graves

Do not ignore this silent warning

Hear the warning, do not repeat this

One soul lost to the darkness is enough

Do not follow me, my love, don’t follow

This is my warning, my last warning

Do not follow me here, my love

The abyss has taken enough already

I ignored the silent screams

Of the ones who came before me

Do not mourn me, my love

But please, love, please don’t forget

Don’t let me fade among those lost to you

I’m not just another

Don’t forget me or this silent warning

Do not ignore as I did

Do not suffer as I did

Nor should you let yourself fall

The abyss cannot take you, my love

It’s too late for me to make it

Save yourself, love, listen, be warned

Hear my last silent warning

Do not join me, love, not yet

Hear the warning, do not forget

Remember that song we danced to
the very first night we kissed
Oh baby, I hope you hear it
and I hope you remember
how you felt
I hope that when you see the stars
light up like they did
in your eyes that night
I hope that when you start to see
life like I said it should be
I hope you think of me

When the rain falls down
like it did that day
that we went swimming
when they left us alone
And we just wanted to
get lost in each other's arms
I hope you remember me
For who I was with you
And not the way
we left each other
in a bitter rage

'cause memories
are all we have now
But they're stronger than an image
When you've loved like we have

So when that rain falls down
when you hear that song
We danced to that first night

When you think true love
and your desire to be free
to be so in love that
a simple kiss
will leave you so happy
you can't speak
Baby, think of me

The phone disconnected. I heard the faint clicking sound that couldn’t do justice for the breaking of my own heart. My eyes burned with tears, and I watched my hand shake as I searched for the number in my cell phone to call him back. It’d been so long since I felt like this—so unbelievably afraid and shocked—that I was hysterical.

It took three tries before he answered the phone, only asking “What?” in an extremely rude manner. I asked him why he did that, and he could only answer that he didn’t know.

My entire world was crashing. Memories played through my head of the way things used to be. I remembered the first time he had asked me out. Back then we were kids, just discovering what love really was. We’d never tasted true love before, and we could only tell that it tasted a lot like the sweet things that you shouldn’t always have too much of, but just enough. I remember how awkward the first kiss was, but how the last time we’d kissed seemed much easier and more comforting. Things with him were always comforting. I couldn’t understand why he was trying to destroy everything we’d worked so hard to get. It burned my chest to compare the way he used to be to the way he is now.

“I don’t love you anymore,” he lied.

It wasn’t denial that I knew it wasn’t true. I just couldn’t give up on love completely, because he had taught me that.

“I’ll always love you,” I said helplessly, through tears that were only reaching for his heart to care. He showed no compassion. He showed nothing, but the desire to be free of his tie to me.

This conversation was the worst ten minutes of my life.

Ten minutes could not destroy two years, though. Two years of fun, joy, pain, hard work, marriage proposals, one expensive ring, hundreds of dollars of gas money and first-time sexual experiences, that he almost made so hard not to regret.

We both hung up a conversation of which I did not want to leave, and I cried. Quotes ran through my head of how a person was supposed to stop when the only one who could stop the tears is the one who caused them. I hated the idea of loving once and losing is better than never.

Even still, I gave up. I gave up my dignity and my way of fixing things when he had told me what he’d done with a girl who isn’t me. I had already watched him try to get me to do something I didn’t want to, as if it was going to fix everything, but I refused. But it almost seemed like teaching him that sex wasn’t going to fix everything would be worth it, but someone else got to do it for me in a way that only hurt me.

I couldn’t save him.

He was broken, lost, and had no values. I clung too hard to my own values; a trait that only made me, now, like other times I’d been hurt, to build my walls and let no one into my heart.

He taught me not to.

Despite how bad he had made it end, true love is one thing many do not get to taste. He shuts me out now, but I’ve seen something he doesn’t share to others. I’ve seen his heart. That is something one does not reveal by anything physical, but it is revealed through the soul connecting to another. Despite its rarity, true love is one thing that is proven the strongest when it must be let go.

I let him go, and then, after two years, I learned what true love really was.

"Never Enough"
2-23-07
Jessica "Jade" Wettig

I'm not sure that this is right
I know it's just not fair that it is
I used to be so sure,
so sure of everything
And now I'm losing all of me
I sit here wishing it was
like it used to be
when dreams didn't know
that reality would keep them
from coming true

So I finally learned what love was
finally got someone under my skin
Far enough to be miserable enough
And learn that love isn't enough

We're both on two ends of a phone line
Neither one of us has called
Sitting here with everything
We've believed in at our hands
Growing up to learn that it's not enough

I drowned inside your soul once,
lost myself inside your arms
Forgot the harsh reality at my door
Then you went away from me
And I sat, learning that the truth isn't
something you run from
It just catches up to you in the end
But you will always be one of my dreams
that I could never keep a hold of
Because reality tore us apart
Just like it always does
And I sit, unsure of everything
wishing still that you were here
that both of us were stronger than this
that I really was stronger than you

I gave up
gave up on what other people think
And gave in
went back down the road
after I found out who I am
decided not to be anywhere in between
But myself in a light
wearing black and not darkness

I looked back at what I aid
when I told you I don't need you
but want you so bad
Held up the ring you gave me
and the ring with the cross beside it
I gave up fighting happiness
'cause what we both need is to be given love
'cause there's all this love in my heart
that God and I left for you

And you took it
You cannot take it back

I called you on the phone
found some verses
I imagine now telling you everything that's hard to say
stare at the Bible while I'm crying
Letting black tears flow a black river of glory and love
Love formed with a soul tie
between two people from different worlds
and habits and wishes
That came with a loyalty
we were both looking for

I gave up, I'm giving up shame
Letting myself go
'cause I've been hurting too long
'cause I was trying to be someone I'm not
But you saw me, you saw right through me

Also posted in christianpunkz

Look at the sky and watch it rain
Dance around, let the black smear from my eyes
And I'll be beautiful
'cause there's something going on today
Something new and free
that's fulfilled a void inside of me

I looked in the mirror
And accepted the girl
who never fits in
I could have obsessed over imperfections,
but beauty comes in its own forms
I wore that cross over black clothing
And I'm still the dark poet in the cornerAnd Ive still got that piercing in my nose'cause there's areason,
my heart is still full 'cause there's a reason

Look at the sky
while you're dancing in the rain
Let down your guard,
be free from shame
"Say I am Lord" he said
"And you'll be free from all sin"
It's amazing how truly simple
And accepting
True Christianity is

These were also posted in christianpunkz

Oh gosh...love. What is love? Look at what people think of when they think of "the one"...how perfect and ideal they are. Just look at the materialistic qualities and the superficiality of it all. I mean, come on...look at Romeo and Juliet. They died...for each other. Some might argue that that's not how love is supposed to be, and in a way they would be right. Love shouldn't be so limited and judged, but respected. Is that how life works? No. It's not, and it's never going to be. But Romeo...he killed himself because he thought he'd lost Juliet...and if she didn't wanna live then neither did he. Maybe someone shouldn't be your entire universe in theory, but it sure is nice to have someone who can keep you together when you lose everything else....because everything else that we consider to matter so much can be gone in a heartbeat. That's love. When someone gets inside your veins and makes you so happy and so hurt that it feels like you're bleeding endlessly and yearning for some kind of hope...that you really do have if you just give in...that's love. When someone comes in...and changes your entire universe...that's love. When you'd die for someone...really die...that's love. When you'd rather die than be without them, that's love. Don't you ever take it out of context. It's power is what makes it eternal.

I just kinda made this to see if anyone would wanna join.
Any takers?

I wrote this about my eating problems...
my dreams in music...
my boyfriend...
and life itself...inspired not to give up

Indeed, the very hairs of your head are numbered. You mean more to me than many sparrows.
Luke 12: 7

But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."
1 Samuel 16:7

( Not So BadCollapse )

Drama
Written 7-27-06

All this drama gets us nowhere
And your message is
I'm not getting what I want
I'm not gonna be happy this time
Just like last time
I'm gonna be yelled at and cursed
I'm supposed to sit here,
take it, and something else
that we're not quite sure of
And me not doing it
is really getting on your nerves

I'm gonna be alone tonight
No one but you
is allowed in my world tonight
'til you say so
'cause I did something wrong
like I always do
I'm just so bad to you
I always deserve all this anger from you

All this drama just gets deeper
You make me hate my life
I can't have this
I can't have that
I can't grow up
And I can't stay young
I'm so confused
I just want out of here

'cause I'm just crashing harder
I'm never left alone
I just want out of here
before I turn out like you