| (no subject) |
[Jan. 29th, 2006|02:46 am]
sarah84182
|
Molly: Dr. Kelso's all bluster. Underneath it all I bet he's a real sweetheart.
Dr. Cox: No, no underneath it all he is pure evil.
Molly: No one is pure evil. I mean, yeah, some people have a hard outer shell but inside everybody has a creamy center.
Dr. Cox: There are plenty of people here on this particular planet who are hard on the outside AND hard on the inside.
Molly: So... they'd have more of a nougat-y center?
Dr. Cox: Lady, people aren't chocolates. Do you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard coated bastards with bastard filling. |
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| Hoosiers |
[Jan. 23rd, 2006|12:33 pm]
sarah84182
|
All true Hoosiers will probably find this amusing, especially the "You Might Be A Hoosier If" Section towards the bottom.
GUIDELINES FOR UNDERSTANDING THE HOOSIER CULTURE
Know the state casserole. The state casserole consists of canned green beans, Campbell's cream of mushroom soup, and dried onions. You can safely take this casserole to any social event and know that you will be accepted.
Get used to food festivals. The Indiana General Assembly, in an effort to grow bigger athletes, passed legislation years ago requiring every incorporated community to have at least one festival per year dedicated to a high-fat food. It is your duty as a Hoosier to attend these festivals and buy at least one elephant ear.
Know the geography. Of Florida, that is. There are Hoosiers who couldn't tell you where Evansville is but they know the exact distance from Fort Myers to Bonita Springs. That's because all Hoosiers go to Florida in the winter. Or plan to when they retire. Or are related to retired Hoosiers who have a place in Sarasota. Hoosiers consider Florida to be the Lower Peninsula of Indiana. If you can't afford to spend the winter in Florida, use the state excuse ... which is that you stay here because you enjoy the change of season. You'll be lying, but that's OK. We've all done it.
Speaking of Indiana weather, wear layers or die. The thing to remember about Indiana seasons is that they can occur at any time. We have spring-like days in January and wintry weekends in October. April is capable of providing a sampling of all four seasons in a single 24-hour period. For these reasons, Indiana is the Layering Capital of the World. Even layering, however, can pose danger. Golfers have been known to dress for hypothermia and end up dead of heat stroke because they couldn't strip off their layers of plaid fast enough on a changeable spring morning.
Don't take Indiana place names literally. If a town has the same name as a foreign city --- Valparaiso and Versailles, for example --- you must not pronounce them the way the foreigners do, lest you come under suspicion as a spy. Also, East Enterprise has no counterpart on the west side of the state. South Bend is in the north. North Vernon is in the south and French Lick isn't what you think either.
Become mulch literate. Hoosiers love mulch and appreciate its subtle differences. Learn the difference between hardwood, cypress and pine bark at a minimum. Researchers think the state affinity for mulch derives from its relatively flat terrain. People have a subconscious need for topography, and when it can't be supplied naturally, they are more likely to make little mulch hillocks in their front yards.
You gotta know sports. In order to talk sports with obsessive fans in Indiana, you have to be knowledgeable on the three levels -- professional, college and high school. The truly expert Indiana sports fan knows not only the name of the hotshot center at Abercrombie and Fitch High School, but also what colleges he's interested in, how much he bench-presses, who he took to the prom, and what he got on his biology quiz last week.
Remember that Hoosiers are never the first to embrace trends. When they do embrace them, they do so with a Midwestern pragmatism. For example, if you see a Hoosier with a nose ring, there's a good chance he's had it undercoated to guard against rust.
The best way to sell something in Indiana is to attach the term "Amish" to it. The product need not be genuinely Amish. This would explain the existence of Amish moo shu pork.
You Might Be A Hoosier If...
You've never met any celebrities
Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway
You measure distance in minutes
Down south to you means Kentucky
You know several people who have hit a deer
You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Terre Haute"
Your school classes were cancelled because of cold
Your school classes were cancelled because of heat
You know where all the Yoders live
You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way
You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day
You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July
You shop at Marsh
Stores don't have bags, they have sacks
You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.
You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, or grain
You go to the fair every night of it's week-long duration
Detassling was your first job. Bailin hay was your second. OR You could stack hay, swim in the pond to clean off, and then have the strength to play a couple of games of hoops all in the same barn lot on the same day.
Your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun and accompanied only by ketchup and a dill pickle slice
You've heard of Euchre, you know how to play Euchre, and you are the master of Euchre.
You say catty-wumpus and kitty-corner
You know what FFA stands for
You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows
You consider being called a "Pork Queen" an honor
You carry jumper cables in your car
You drink pop. You catch frogs at the crick. If you want someone to hear you, you holler at 'em.
You know what "cow tipping" is
If you can see at least 2 basketball hoops from your yard
High school basketball game draws a bigger crowd on the weekend nights than movie theatres.
You actually know what the CART vs. IRL debate is about, and you have taken a side.
The biggest question of your youth was "IU or Purdue?"
You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at? or "If you go to the mall I wanna go with"
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
You carry jumper cables in your car regularly.
You know that Bailin' wire was the predecessor to Duct tape.
You know that strangers are the only people that come to your front door.
Kids and dogs ride in the passenger seats of cars and the backs of pickups.
You think nothing of it in spring and fall to be stuck behind a farm implement driving on the roads. You just hope it's not a hog truck or a manure spreader.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1 page, but requires 6 for local sports.
You can repeat the scores of the last 8 IU games, but unless the MVP is a Hoosier, you are not sure who he is.
You know several different definitions as to what a Hoosier really is.
People at your high school chewed tobacco.
Everyone knows who the town cop is, where he lives, & whether he is at home or on duty.
To get to school you had to drive on a gravel road, a road with several right-angle turns in it, or if you were really lucky, over a covered bridge.
People in your neighborhood, really, REALLY like Nascar.
To you, a raccoon is simply a "coon"
You're a BIG John Mellencamp fan.
You've been to the Covered Bridge Festival.
You took backroads to get there- why sit in traffic?
In the fall, one of your favorite pranks was corning cars.
You know what corning is.
Wal-mart is the most exciting place in your hometown.
Technically, you don't even live in a town.
You know what FFA and 4H stand for.
A typical party at your high school consisted of a bunch of people driving trucks into the woods or an empty field, lighting a bonfire, and staring at it while drinking a few beers.
It is a 30 minute drive from your house to the grocery store.
You have all the same teachers in high school that your parents had.
You know what chip-and-seal is, and your high school was located on just such a road.
You think that Notre Dame is a college in South Bend, and not a cathedral in France.
You know people who own belt buckles with their initials on them. These buckles are the size of a dinner plate.
You think the state Bird is Larry.
You can say "French Lick" without laughing out loud.
There's actually a college near you named "Ball State."
You know Batesville is the casket-making capital of the world and you're proud of it.
You could never figure out spring forward-fall back, so screw Daylight Savings Time!
Your feelings get hurt whenever someone points out the acronym for Purdue University is PU.
The "g" in words ending in "ing" is always silent.
If you are a Hoosier or have Hoosier roots you will have read this and found everything to be perfectly normal. In fact, isn't that the way it is everywhere? |
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| just a little note from your friendly neighborhood subway employee... |
[Jun. 21st, 2005|01:22 pm]
sarah84182
|
1. Every subway has stopped giving out stamps.
2. I cannot/will not initial your stamp card, as we are trying to phase out the sub club program.
3. No, I do not have any extra sub club cards.
4. No, we will not be getting any more stamps. They are all gone. Finished!
5. Contrary to popular belief, it is not my fault that subway is getting rid of the sub club program, so please do not yell at me!
6. Just cause we arent giving out stamps anymore doesn't mean it's the end of the world.
7. In the 5 years i have worked at V-Town subway, we have never had a credit card machine. No you did not use your credit/debit card here last time... i should know, so stop being rude to me about it.
8. Don't try to pay for your $4 sandwich with a $100 bill. It's Subway, not the bank. Idiot.
9. Don't pay for your $4 sandwich with nickels and pennies. That's ridiculous.
If you have any questions/comments/concerns please contact the following:
Subway Franchise Headquarters
325 Bic Drive
Milford, CT 06460 USA
Tel.(203) 877-4281 / (800) 888-4848
Oh, and tell them the "mean olive-skinned girl" wouldnt give you your stamps. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 18th, 2005|01:26 pm]
sarah84182
|
i dont like mean people.
that is all.
-sarah
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| anchorman |
[Mar. 30th, 2005|12:02 am]
sarah84182
|
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
Brick: I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party.
Veronica: Excuse me?
Brick: The... party. With the... with the pants. Party with pants?
Veronica: Brick, are you saying that there's a party in your pants and that I'm invited?
Brick: That's it.
Veronica: Did Brian tell you to say this, Brick?
Brick: NOyesss! Yes. He did.
Veronica: Okay. No. I don't want to go to a party in your pants.
Brick: Very well. Ian, would you like to go to a party in my pants?
Ian: No, Brick.
Brick: All right. Lets go. |
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| the political poseur |
[Oct. 27th, 2004|01:23 pm]
sarah84182
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| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
this is a pretty funny article!
the reporter who wrote the article dresses up in busy/cheney or kerry/edwards garb and goes to neighborhoods that strongly support bush or kerry. while in democratic neighborhoods , the reporter wears george bush t-shirts, etc. while in republican neighborhoods, he wears kerry clothing... i think you get the idea. anyway.. read it!
here's an excerpt:
I enter the faux-rustic Brentwood Country Mart, a collection of shops intended to look like an olde-time barnyard. On the central patio, I pass a woman who looks up from her gaggle of children to see me passing and exclaims, "Ick! God!" A group of teen skater boys waiting on line to buy the Mart's famed "Chicken Basket" discuss whether Bush will be removed from office by the time they turn 18, thus saving them from the draft. I sit down to eat. Dining nearby is a young girl who looks to be about 6 years old; she gazes at my shirt with a look so forlorn, I expect to learn that Dick Cheney just stole her crayons. Her mother arrives and gives her a hug of consolation. The girl starts to talk, but I can only make out "Bush shirt," which she says to her mother as she points my way. The mother turns and glares, shaking her head at me. I start to wonder what sort of person I am to inflict this on a poor child. |
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