Trying My Best to Empress

I'm playing Animal Crossing again! I deleted my last island and now kind of regret it 😕 I miss some of my villagers ☹️ But hey ho, we're starting again!

It's so delightfully bonkers.

Having a great time hanging out with Alice 🤭

https://flic.kr/p/2qH4okC

Alice, are you okay? Alice??

https://flic.kr/p/2qH3ah7

Fuck you, Gulliver!

https://flic.kr/p/2qH4pbj

Selling the essentials at Able Sisters

https://flic.kr/p/2qGXBDX


I swear this game is my safe space. It pretty much saved my sanity during the pandemic, and I've gravitated back towards it now. I wonder why? 🤔🤔🤔

Behold, my enormous toe!

https://flic.kr/p/2qGS35W

I had my toenail operation today, and the nurse said it always reminded her of 'one of those squishy marshmallows' when the toe was all bandaged up. I mean, she's not wrong. Like, REALLY not wrong.

B came with me, after I bought him lunch to celebrate his birthday which was this week. I had a moment when I brushed off needing anyone with me, as the weather was set to turn squally and windy when we had to get the bus, and it was also a longer walk to the Podiatry unit. But then I reminded myself that it's okay to need that help and to ask for it, so I said that it would actually be nice to have someone there.
I forgot that B can take things very literally sometimes, when he asked me after arriving if I wanted him to stay until it had finished, or go now 🤔 I said I'd like him to stay, but he didn't want to come into the room.

I pick up on vibes very easily, and sensed a vibe between the nurse and her assistant, who I realised must have been shadowing her. The nurse wasn't as friendly as when I popped in to take a look at the room and ask questions about it a couple of weeks ago (I was told I could do that if I was anxious). She seemed a bit peed off and irritated. The assistant was very nice, and I felt proud of her for being assertive and not taking any bullshit. She was apparently a bit lax because she was meant to stay in the room after I'd had some anaesthetic injected, and she'd gone into an adjoining corridor to drink some water. I was laying on the bed drinking water too, and clearly fine, but obviously had to take my mask off. The assistant was wearing one too, so I thought maybe she did it because of that, so she wasn't breathing near me. Anyway, the nurse didn't like it 🤷‍♀️

I needed more anaesthetic than they thought I would - it was painful when they injected it, but I have a high pain tolerance and just breathed and squeezed the stress ball they gave me. I didn't watch the operation - they put a screen across, which gave me the option to peek if I wanted to - I did, and it wasn't as gory as I thought it'd be. It didn't take long. I could feel the sensation of it being done, but also couldn't feel it.

Then they made my toe into the marshmallow, the nurse put my sandals on me (what a nice feeling for someone else to put your shoes on! Seriously. The only other time I remember that happening was at a foam party in a nightclub - my shoe came off, some guy knelt down and very carefully put it back on, then kissed me 🤭 Oh, young Empress!), the nurse gave me instructions and a bag of dressings, and off I went.

My main anxiety (which caused me to barely sleep) was my ride home not turning up. It's a volunteer taxi service, which I pay to subscribe to. But one of the receptionists always sounds bored and as though she's not paying attention.
It says in the leaflet that you're not guaranteed a dtiver, as they're volunteers, so they'll call you a couple of days before. I hadn't been called, so called them. I was told she'd sorted it all, and was going to call me later. I wanted to make it clear that I needed picking up from a separate building to the main hospital - after all, I wouldn't be able to walk properly. The conversation went something like this:

Me: I need picking up from the Podiatry Dept, NOT the main hospital

Her: Okay, so you'll be picked up from the hospital...

Me: From the PODIATRY DEPT, - it's a separate building to the main hospital

Her: Yes, so she'll pick you up from the hospital...

Me: Yes, but I'll be in the PODIATRY DEPT - it's a SEPERATE BUILDING. I won't be able to walk around to find them if they're in the wrong place...

Her: Yes, you'll be picked up from the hospital...

😑😑😑

I left it there because it could have gone on for hours, and decided I'd have to call them if there was a problem. They'd already got one of my appointments confused (I have to go to a local clinic for a redress tomorrow).
Then last night I suddenly thought 'How do I know which car it is? Is there a sticker on it? Do they. come in & get me?' 🤔 No one explained the actual process to me at all! So I barely slept last night, not so much from worrying about the operation, but of getting home afterwards 🙄

I phoned up this morning and they said' So, you're being picked up from home at 1.30pm to be taken to the hospital... ' NO! I needed picking up from the hospital (PODIATRY FUCKING DEPARTMENT!!!) at 2pm, to be taken home! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️
I swear!

Anyway, she turned up right on time, in the right place, thank goodness. A bit of a awkward car journey - awkward conversation - but I got home, and she was a volunteer, so I'm grateful. I have to pay 45p per mile, which worked out at £7.20, which is fine. A taxi would have been around £25 or probably more.
I'm going to call up again tomorrow morning to make sure the times are right for my redress, because I don't fully trust them to have it right.

I had a takeaway tonight, after debating whether I should cook or not, but I'm not supposed to be on my feet, so I didn't. It's the cost, you know? They're so expensive these days! Plus I've apparently put on a few extra pounds of weight 😑 And now I can't exercise properly for a couple of weeks at least. Sigh.

So, a complicated day. I just wish I could trust people to do their job, you know? So I don't have to triple-check every bloody thing.

We have a horrible storm tomorrow, but my area isn't affected too much, thankfully. Hopefully I can just rest until next week, or longer if I need to.

It's official - betwixtmas has befuddled me.

I was convinced that I was going to B's house on Wednesday evening to celebrate NYE. But it's Tuesday that's NYE. So my plan to go for a bracing walk tomorrow, rest a day, then be fresh & ready to celebrate has been altered.
If I go for a beach walk tomorrow, I'll wear myself out and be too tired to go out. So it's a rest day tomorrow instead.

I feel a bit more centered and relaxed now, though last night was another adventure in admin hell.
I got ready for bed earlier than usual, but still late by most people's standards - around half past midnight. I'd looked at my bank account and seen the NYE games café refund, so I paid back B & A. I tossed & turned, *almost* fell asleep, and then my eyes shot open as I realised - *I* hadn't been refunded. I was still owed my ticket money 🤦🏼‍♀️
I made sure I did the maths correctly - awkward, because I'd paid for 3 tickets, been paid back by B & A, had a partial refund for myself and A (the café scaled down the event and halved the ticket prices), sent A her money, B asked for hers to be kept as credit on the night. Then had a full refund for B and the halved ticket price for A, which I sent back to them both.

Honestly 😑

I took screenshots from my online account, edited them to take out personal details, and messaged B & A to make sure my maths was mathing (numbers aren't my strong point).
It was, so I also messaged the café owner who told me I'd receive it in a few days, and that things got mixed up because of B keeping hers as credit. No apology for the inconvenience, mind you 🙄 I have a feeling that K, the owner, isn't that keen on me. Just from her not being as friendly to me (she knows B because she used to work with her, so they're good), subtle snipey comments she's made, and the fact that she responds on B & A's social media posts, but not to mine.
I mean, I've tried not to take it to heart because you can't like everyone, right? You can *not* make snipey comments about them, but 🤷‍♀️ Whatever.
The point is that, because of this, I wasn't sure if she'd argue that she didn't owe me any money, and I was anxious. But I am getting it back. Just with no apology for all the faffing about I've had to deal with 🙄

It looks as though Wednesday will get the really bad weather, later on in the morning, so hopefully we're all good, and plans are being made 🤞

I feel more relaxed now that I know I'll be more insistent on having phone medical appointments instead of face to face appointments while I'm still feeling so tired. I forgot that fatigue is an actual relevant illness that I have, and I can ask for adjustments for it.

This year really does have to be the year of making things as easy as possible for ME, not everyone else.

So, all's well that ends well, hopefully 🤞🤞🤞

It's December 27th! One of my favourite days of the year! Christmas is done until September 1st, because let's face it that's when it actually starts. Every day up until then is not Christmas - wooo!!

I've slept late for the last two days, which has been lovely. Turned my phone onto silent - I've answered messages, thanked people for presents etc. But I needed the silence. I've been overstimulated for so long.

My stomach feels better already - I still don't have my appetite back properly, but it'll get there. I cooked a big pizza on Christmas day (a frozen one, of course), a more expensive one than usual, but it wasn't that great. I finished it today.

I had some nice presents - I'm never exactly bothered about them, but it's nice to get them. B got me a ratchet screwdriver, which I'm actually thrilled with! L got me some delicious chocolates - dark, with an Irish Cream filling. F bought me 'candle pens', which are pens to draw on candles with. I didn't even know they existed. It's a thoughtful gift as I sell painted candle holders in my Etsy shop so I can draw something on the tealight candles in them. They're not easy to use - it's more a case of dotting colour on than drawing with them, but they're interesting.

J and her daughter S made some pottery especially for me 🩷 I love it so much! J was saying, when we last spoke on WhatsApp, that she should have got me something practical, but I love arty things, and it was made with me in mind, which is special ☺️

https://flic.kr/p/2qBKfYf

This one has my name on 😊

https://flic.kr/p/2qBHdQY

I had a big box of Lindt chocolates from my mum's friend K. I'm not a huge fan of Lindt - I find the chocolate too smooth. I have a problem with really smooth textures, for some reason 🤷‍♀️ But I've eaten some. Weirdly, I really like the white chocolate ones. Usually I love dark chocolate. The rest of them I'll take to the cat shelter for the staff to finish.

I'm worried about the parcel I sent to J & S in Sweden. It still hasn't arrived, despite me sending it at the beginning of December. I was excited for them to open it, as I made them both snoods, Christmas decorations, and some catnip toys for the cats. So I'm hoping that gets there soon.

J has a chest infection now and S has a cold. I really hope J will rest herself up as she needs to. Her ex took her to court to try and get S over Christmas but luckily failed. She doesn't want to go, and he knows it. It's purely about causing trouble and anxiety. He doesn't care about S's needs or wants - he doesn't even give her her meds when she's with him. Yet the courts keep entertaining his troublemaking. It makes me so angry. S is so stressed by it all.
But at least they've thwarted him for now. Honestly, he's like a cartoonish villain, but unfortunately real and potentially dangerous.

Our new year plans have had to change - the café owner forgot to get the alcohol licence needed to serve drinks later than 10pm. So the whole thing is cancelled. We're going to go to A's new flat instead, which hopefully isn't too far from the bus station for me to get home. I'm sure she'd let me stay, but I'd rather wake up in my own time in my own home.

I've decided I'm not going back to the cat shelter until January 9th - I'm taking time off to loaf around, get home chores sorted, and have me some beach wanderings. I'm hoping to go for one tomorrow but I'll take things as they come.

I'm just enjoying my nervous system calming down and not being bombarded with Christmas expectations.

I was dreading the Christmas Eve meetup meal in a way, as my social battery is almost in the negative, my stress is high, and the Christmas season doesn't do my gut much good. I think it's the stress of the season generally - my digestion slows down and I lose my appetite. Ironically, as it's the season of overeating. But it always happens, and the rich food doesn't help.

But I wanted to go because I've enjoyed the Christmas meals with this group for the last two years, I've paid a deposit, and otherwise I'd also just be indoors feeling down. So I got myself up, and decided to French braid my hair into two braids which took bloody forever, because I haven't done it in ages. Swearing, stropping and sore arms ensued but I finally got it done and it looked pretty. I've been so exhausted this year that all I do is scrape my hair into a ponytail or bun, and I wanted to see myself looking fancy again.

I felt so tired, as though I was dragging myself to the bus stop. I arrived very early - the pub wasn't too far away, but I'd never been there before and I always get there early if that's the case - anxiety 🤷‍♀️
There was another guest there already at the bar, so I ordered a Baileys (they didn't have a wide variety of drinks at all, considering it's a pub 🤔) and we chatted. His name was Peter, an older man. He told me he's worried about his old dog who has cancer ☹️ He rescued 7 doggy siblings, which he reared as puppies and now only has two.
Then my friend M arrived - I only really see her at the Christmas meals now - we used to go to a regular morning coffee group.

Eventually the table was ready, and our little group sat at the far end of it. For me it was kind of a safety thing - with only one person sitting next to me, there was less chance of catching germs from someone. It's something I have to consider 🤷‍♀️ Peter sat next to me and assured me he definitely wasn't ill so I hope that's true - if he lives alone, it's more likely though.
Eleven people arrived eventually - in previous years we've had 5-7 people.
Peter was given some books by the organiser, of a place he wanted to visit - Aushwitz 😕 So began a conversation about who'd been. I said I want to visit, but I'd be in absolute pieces, and two women described a couple of things they'd seen there, which very nearly had me in tears 😕 Luckily, we eventually realised we were talking about it at a Christmas meal, so we joked 'Merry Christmas!' and changed the subject thank goodness!

My starter - salmon cake/mousse/something or other 🤷‍♀️ I wasn't expecting two doorstep sized pieces of toast, so it was pretty filling, but tasty. I thought the toothpick had a grape on top of it, but it was something sour with white flesh, and tasted underripe - I've no idea what it was. Peter assumed it wasn't edible so I joked that oh well, it was nice knowing him, if I suddenly went quiet he'd know why 🤭

https://flic.kr/p/2qBHdSM

A traditional Christmas cracker joke - we hadn't actually heard this one. We didn't play charades. The 'gift' was a Christmas sticker, which I stuck on my hat.

https://flic.kr/p/2qBHdR4

Modelling the traditional Christmas cracker hat, featuring my actual face 🤭

https://flic.kr/p/2qBJqNW

Main - roast duck with cranberry sauce, celeriac mash (well hidden), and more cabbage than I've eaten in the last 5 years

https://flic.kr/p/2qBJrch

I was wary about the celeriac mash, not being a vegetable fan, but it was actually really nice. I still prefer just mashed potato though. This was a big old bowl of food, and I was stuffed. I realised I still find duck pretty tasteless - not my favourite meat. Usually there's a Christmas fish option for the main, but there wasn't this year - maybe because fish is really expensive at the moment.


Lemon tart dessert with double cream (I actually ordered ice cream, but never mind). I packed this up to take home - it was very good.

https://flic.kr/p/2qBJqMD

I actually had a really good time! Which is strange, because I barely knew anyone there. Conversation flowed easily, we laughed a lot - I felt way more comfortable and relaxed than I did at the WI meal, despite knowing more people there. But I realised that the WI women don't ask many questions - they talk about themselves a lot, or just stick to their own friends. I was thinking it was just something wrong with me, but I feel better about it now. Maybe going to the monthly meetings is a good thing, but Christmas meals without any activities aren't.
Also, there were more people in this group who were spending Christmas alone (although I didn't say I was), so there was maybe less judgement. Some of them are even meeting for a quick drink tomorrow.

It was good to catch up with M. I used to meet with her and another woman on Wednesday mornings and asked if they wanted to swap details, but they said they were happy just meeting as we were. Which hurt a little, but I was there to try and make more lasting friendships - they just wanted something to do 🤷‍♀️
M was really sweet though. I told her I'd had to deal with a lot of problems after moving into the flat, and my health had suffered for it. She told me to remember that I'd done really well in actually moving and doing it all 🥹 She reiterated that when we said goodbye too. That was really nice of her - I don't often get encouragement like that from people. I think people see an independent woman and assume I feel confident and self-assured, but we all need validation from others sometimes.

I think Peter may have liked the look of me - he was certainly paying me a lot of attention just before we left 😕 He thought I was younger than I am so his interest piqued when I said I was older. Oh well 🤷‍♀️ I think men tend to think that way about women if they've been talking, whereas most women I know just see it as a conversation with a fellow human being.

I had a call from my uncle and had a nap when I got home. I still feel exhausted. The rest of this week is for resting, and trying to get my poor stomach to unclench.

I decided to count today (well, yesterday now) as Christmas day, as I enjoyed it so much.

I hope everyone has either a great time, a restful time, or at least gets through the holidays as unscathed as possible.

I got my beach walk! At last! I was a bit sleep deprived, but it was worth it. Oh my goodness, it was good to be back! I stepped onto it muttering 'I'm back... bitches!' 🤭 I'm not even sure where the 'bitches' came from, but 🤷🏼‍♀️

I swear, it's the only place where I feel I can let my shoulders drop and properly breath out. I love being at home, but there's always stuff that needs doing there. All I need to do on the beach is wander along.
I don't like going there with a looming chore or time limit. That why I've barely been there this year. I want to go there as a stand-alone thing, not as something to fit in between appointments and errands.

I shared hellos with three strangers. I love that.' We're both on a beach - Hi! 😀' It's a cute human trait. As much as I love summer and warmth, the beach is so much better in the winter months. Just local people, with or without dogs, just enjoying where they live.
I saw one woman twice - she said a merry hello running past while her dog ran ahead of her on the lead. Then coming back the opposite way - her dog carrying a huge tree branch while she followed behind, genuinely trying to convince her dog to take a smaller twig 🤭 I've met them once before, when the dog (a female bull terrier) plonked herself down in preparation for attention from me. 'She thinks everyone's got time for her 🙄', the woman said. I did indeed.

I love how I see the same people with their dogs, and we greet each other and chat, despite not knowing each other's names.

Pictures which may or may not be interesting:

It doesn't look that special, but it is - Canada geese are on the shore

https://flic.kr/p/2qBkzwZ

I love walking on the sand ridges. With bare feet it's pretty much a free foot massage

https://flic.kr/p/2qBeJWM

I like the worn, holey stones

https://flic.kr/p/2qBjquW

Standing in endless ripples

https://flic.kr/p/2qBmrcs

Splishy sploshy feels good!

https://flic.kr/p/2qBkAH7

Half in & out of bed moon

https://flic.kr/p/2qBkziN

Bum/butt stone

https://flic.kr/p/2qBkzs5

Sea glass 🩷 I don't pick it up now unless it's a bit special, as I have so much. One day I'll hyperfixate on making pictures with it

https://flic.kr/p/2qBkAAd

This pottery is a bit special, so I can have it

https://flic.kr/p/2qBkAFZ

https://flic.kr/p/2qBeJSt

Teeny yellow shell - these look striking on seaglass/shell pictures

https://flic.kr/p/2qBkznF

Interesting driftwood

https://flic.kr/p/2qBkzmd


You'd think I'd never been to a beach before.

I ached when I got home, not having exercised for a long time, but took some paracetamol and had a sleep, and now feel fine.

I've been playing Animal Crossing again. I feel very relaxed 😌

I woke up just feeling really cranky and rattled emotionally today, despite (as far as I remember) being quite settled when I went to bed. Maybe a dream affected me? More likely hormones.

I felt annoyed enough, then realised my plan of a beach walk was thwarted yet again by my sleeping hours and the tide times. I just want a nice, peaceful beach walk, dammit! I don't want to walk on the street at an acceptable pace, seeing grey buildings and Christmas shit - I want to meander along the shoreline, hear the shingle under my boots (I love that sound) stop and look at interesting shells and say hello to random people, which is apparently only acceptable on a beach. I need to move my body, but I don't want to do that in my flat, on my own. Beach walking is a weirdly communal thing, where people kind of slow right down and share their pleasure of being in nature. No other walk/exercise will do.

J also messaged to say thank you for my congratulations and the screenshots of her graduation, which turned out amazingly well for a spur of the moment decision and ten seconds of pressing two buttons together. J looks so natural and happy.
Natural photos are so much better than posed ones. I hate hate hate posing for photos. Cannot stand it. I never ever look good. But take a sneaky shot where I'm not expected to grimace in a socially acceptable way, and I actually look nice.
Anyway, J looks so lovely in the screenshots because of this, I think. There's a gentleness to her smile which is really beautiful for not being actively watched.

She said she's now in bed because she collapsed after her trip home. Which has set off my anxiety for her health again. I'm keeping it in check by reminding myself that fainting is normal in pregnancy, and she now doesn't have to make two hour round trips and work on a uni course.
I feel annoyed though, because she clearly desperately needs to rest, but generally just won't. I'm very aware it's my own initial crankiness and anxiety projecting as anger and annoyance, so I haven't messaged her back yet until those have settled. If it were me, I'd have pushed myself to go to a special graduation ceremony too. She totally deserves that. But her health has been so fucking fragile for so long, and now she has pregnancy thrown in on top of it, and I know her well enough to know that she'll only rest for the shortest amount of time. I just want her to be okay, and for her to help herself to be okay.

I'm meeting with B & L on Monday to swap presents. This was actually arranged by B, which is almost unheard of! It's usually always left up to me, which annoys the hell out of me. So I'm pleasantly surprised.
It's made me realise how tightly wound I get about seeing L, though. It can be hit & miss, our friendship. The fact that she lives with and is so closely bonded to A, my former friend with narcissistic tendencies, obviously has a huge effect. I'd gladly never hear her name or hear any news about her ever again, but she's always a part of the conversation, and usually 'just happens' to message L every single time we meet. Sometimes to 'say hi' to me 😒 And if I give a negative response to it, L will tell her, which will feed A's narc tendencies. It's all about feeding from emotional responses, either good or bad. So I keep things deliberately blank when she's mentioned, or when I'm told she 'says hi', which doesn't make for an authentic friend meetup. I honestly can't tell if L is complicit or oblivious to it.
A lot of the conversation these days is about A's difficult behaviour, which L & B put up with with a kind of resigned parental acceptance, as though they have no choice in the matter. Despite A being someone they're not tied to in any way, shape or form except choice. It's like hearing about an abusive ex, except it's a friend instead of a lover.
So, we'll see how it goes 😕🤷🏼‍♀️ Could be nice, could be triggering and silently infuriating, who knows? It has made me think that L & A going to live further away is probably a good thing. And that this could be the last time I see L for a very long time, which is bittersweet. Her partner and my de-facto brother figure B is the person I'll miss the most. We check in with each other more often, and will hopefully be able to meet up in an in-between town.
We do favours for each other - B asked if I could add Darjeeling tea to my online shopping order, so that he doesn't have to endure supermarket Christmas hell in the next few days, and enjoy a cup on Christmas day. So I have, and he'll pick it up at some point on Tuesday (my order is arriving after our meetup). If I'm ill, B will gladly pick up prescriptions or get me some painkillers. Little stuff like that, which means a lot. That probably won't be possible now, because of the distance ☹️

I'm sure a new pattern will be established.

I had a sleep earlier, with the plan of being awake in the early morning when the tide is out. I will have my beach walk and it will solve everything.

I couldn't settle my mind after the WI meal, and ended up not sleeping all night. I was crocheting like crazy - I think it's a kind of processing/meditation tool for me.
I was thinking in the early morning that I'd go to bed for a few hours, when I got a WhatsApp from J in Sweden containing a link to a live stream of her graduation! It started 2 hours later, and I knew that if I napped I'd fall into a dead sleep and miss it. So I stayed awake. I really wanted to watch it as I knew how much it would mean to her - she doesn't have a huge amount of support, and she's been working so hard. But I was also really aware that I was putting my needs last again, and draining my energy. I wasn't angry at J - if I had slept my usual hours, I wouldn't even have seen it until it was too late, and I don't think she was fully expecting me to, but I had that feeling of 'I was meant to be awake for this', at the same time as thinking 'For fuck' s sake, really?? Now?? ' 🙄

Luckily the link worked well, apart from cutting out briefly twice. The service was beautiful (J has been studying as part of her work as a deacon in a church), and I think I enjoyed it more for not knowing the language. Swedish is a very pretty, lilting language, and they kept suddenly singing during their sermon. It was fascinating and beautiful. I only know a few words of Swedish, and there was obviously mention of Jesus too.
I enjoy short religious services and love the atmosphere of churches, but don't align myself with any particular religion. I think they all have the same basic principles - it's people who twist those principles for their own gain. It'll have good and bad people the same as any other area of life.
What I love about J is that she genuinely wants to help people. She has huge amounts of empathy and is just so GOOD as a person. She explained that she originally wanted to be a social worker, but the Swedish government is pretty right-wing, and getting people help is harder going through the government channels than it is working in a church. So she is religious, but not to the point where it's her entire life. She still has her own beliefs too, and isn't judgemental of my tarot reading/spiritual/Wiccan tendencies (again, I don't tie myself to anything in particular - I'm just drawn to certain aspects). I was worried, as I have friends who've become so religious that their personality seems to have disappeared, and as far as they're concerned there's no other god but theirs, and other religions are wrong. We've ended up not having much in common, especially as tarot is often (wrongly) seen as something evil. It's something that's important in my life, has helped me through difficult times, helped me to help other people, and is something I was drawn to from a young age. To imply that I was drawn in by something evil and need to find god is patronising and insulting. We can all have different paths and play nicely together.

Anyway, I digress! I couldn't spot J anywhere, and they kept switching camera angles, but then they called groups of people up to receive their certificates, and there she was! 🥰 She looked happy, healthy (🤞🤞🤞) and beautiful, and I had a tear in my eye 🥹 She's the closest person I have to a sister, and I don't usually get to see her actually living her life, so it was lovely. I got some screenshots too.

Then I had a text from the Cardiology dept. telling me they've booked me in for a phone call in January. I went for a nap, woke up and found a missed call from my dentist, telling me my plan allows for two cleans and check-ups per year, and I have one of each left on my plan for this year. Did I want to book that before Christmas or in the new year? 😑😑😑 I swear, I have so many medical appointments in January - SEVEN so far. Seriously. And it's always a case of phone tag with the dentist - they call, leave a message - I call, can't get through, leave a message - they call when I'm busy etc etc etc until the end of time 😫 So I have to call them tomorrow, and call the Cardiology dept. to check they have my mobile number, not my landline.

I have to rearrange a couple of January appointments, I've decided. I'm not desperate to. see the chiropractor (🤞) so that can wait, as can my regular hair trim. I can't afford to keep getting overwhelmed with practical appointments and not have any room for volunteering and socialising. It's affecting my health really badly. I honestly felt like crying today, because I had one fucking day of feeling all relaxed and as though things were in hand, before becoming overwhelmed again.
I'm hoping all this madness is going to be confined to January, and then life will calm down. PLEASE! 🙏🙏🙏

I love this music video. I grew up with MTV, so a video can often make a song much more appealing for me. I don't think I'd like this one as much without the video. It's mesmerising - Rosamund Pike is fantastic in it 😎

Massive Attack & Young Fathers - 'Voodoo in my Blood'

https://youtu.be/ElvLZMsYXlo?si=tIROGGY3_VTL78wA

Sight & contact lens test done. Astigmatism is worse in both eyes, especially my left, but there's no need to change my contact lenses to specialised ones unless I'm finding it a problem. I don't drive, so that's not an issue. It's annoying not being able to read writing on screen when I'm watching TV, but until it becomes much more bothersome, I'll stay as I am.
I have to change to a different type of contact lens when (not if ☹️) it gets worse, which have to be placed in a specific position in the eye. They sound like a real pain in the bum, but I prefer to wear contact lenses when outside because of weather and steaming up issues, especially as I'm still wearing a mask a lot of the time. Also, let's not lie, I just think I look better. I'm allowed a little vanity.

My glasses prescription has changed, but I want to keep my frames. It takes around 10 days to. send them off, sort them out and get them back, and with Christmas (😑) around the corner it makes it all the more awkward, so I'm waiting until the new year. I have a spare pair I can wear. The frames are from a different shop though, so if they break I'm not covered for it. I'll just have to hope they don't, then.

It sucks to have your eyes change as you age. I used to be able to thread a needle with no problem, now it's an issue. I have a cheap pair of reading glasses for reading and crafting certain things. And now astigmatism. They may as well make the letters on the sight test spell out YOU ARE OLD.

My cunning plan to have a nice beach walk beforehand was thwarted because I got the tide times wrong. I couldn't access the beach I normally walk on - the sea comes right up to the wall. I was disappointed. There's something about walking on a beach that's way more healing and satisfying. There's always something to look at and find interesting, people say hello to you... it's as though you've entered a calmer, friendlier universe.
Anyway, I walked along the parade and back again, just to get some steps in. It was nice to watch the sea. That never gets old for me, despite having been near it for so many years.