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How life looks when I relapse self harm, skip therapy, spend all my money on groceries for the next week, no class, can’t hold a job, can’t hold a sleeping schedule, be self conscious about being lonely, can’t function, haven’t showered in a week, can’t draw as much as I need to, can’t enjoy gaming, feel angry every time talking to friends
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 https://x.com/kasophism/status/1820421360029475031 Nobody in the current society cares about people. Nobody in power cares about those beneath their feet. It feels very useless to slave away fighting tooth and nail from my poverty. I keep thinking "As long as I keep trying." but then i get pushed back into a worse situation than I was in beforehand. My counselor says i need crisis counseling in a group therapy setting. i eneed to learn how to manage my stress. if i could manage my stress life would be easier, but at the same time life would introduce more stress. i am the snake that eats its own tail. |
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Really scared for this semester. Doing work 5 days a week and full week schedule for classes. Cried after work Monday and Wednesday but the rest of the time was fine. My teachers love me even though I’m retaking their classes, all of them except for one are retakes. The ethics teacher said “you should locally run deepfake software and present it to the class” I said ummm Sure ! But self hosting algorithmic software is so scary I could barely get image generation running and it still looks like shit compared to paid models online. I appreciate the fact it’s not good, lower level models are cute in a way with how they suck.
Anyways; medication situation Seems to be ok. I think the biggest influence was addition of birth control for PMDD. That was actively ruining my ability to function for weeks at a time (most of the time it was 1 week pre menstrual but sometimes it’d be the 2 weeks) and the hormonal issues making me emotional as fuck did not help with the stress of school and job and etc. |
