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frogfarmJust a few idle thoughts from a high school dropout with no further formal education.
In more ways than one, I squandered my twenties and thirties and remained a teenager. But when I hit forty and made a number of conscious changes ranging from diet to attitude, it felt like everything fell into place. I could see how narcissistic and entitled I'd been all those years, and the flashes and stretches of something better. I knew I couldn't change the past, but it seemed trivial to just be a better person. If only I'd always known it was this easy!
Except 99% of it in childhood and adolescence was just wanting to fit in. To be accepted. Like carbohydrate, a vital survival tool turned pure poison in the modern world, even before the rise of "always online".
Part of real adulthood is recognizing real threats and distinguishing them from hurt feelings, as well as not letting childish idiots hurt your feelings when they have no real power over you. Kids for the most part, IMO, haven't developed that necessary detachment and self-reflection. Everything is personal; every slight, every sling and arrow, is directed at them. The smarter you are in your youth, the more "self-aware" you might feel, but it seems to be the rare kid who can see past their natural solipsism and genuinely be able to put themselves in someone else's shoes and thoughts -- that's another skill that comes with age and patience, and hopefully learning from good examples.
Season 5 Wesley shattered the Orlon Window and restored Connor's "real" memories. But all the false ones of his adopted family are just as "real" -- even though Connor rationally now knows they aren't. All the anger and despair came flooding back to him -- except now, he was also able to look at it from the perspective of a normal kid who grew up in a loving family. You never forget the dumb and embarrassing stuff you did when you were still learning how to be a person -- but if you can laugh about it in hindsight, or even most of it? Trust me, you got off light. Connor now can see the absurdity of it all, how so much of it was his own fault because he knew he was right (righteous! On the side of the angels!). And he knows he can't change the past -- but his path going forward couldn't be more clear. He's integrated his past and present self, and taken the best of both worlds to help him build something even stronger.
So as the Kurgan said: "Happy Halloween, ladies!"
In more ways than one, I squandered my twenties and thirties and remained a teenager. But when I hit forty and made a number of conscious changes ranging from diet to attitude, it felt like everything fell into place. I could see how narcissistic and entitled I'd been all those years, and the flashes and stretches of something better. I knew I couldn't change the past, but it seemed trivial to just be a better person. If only I'd always known it was this easy!
Except 99% of it in childhood and adolescence was just wanting to fit in. To be accepted. Like carbohydrate, a vital survival tool turned pure poison in the modern world, even before the rise of "always online".
Part of real adulthood is recognizing real threats and distinguishing them from hurt feelings, as well as not letting childish idiots hurt your feelings when they have no real power over you. Kids for the most part, IMO, haven't developed that necessary detachment and self-reflection. Everything is personal; every slight, every sling and arrow, is directed at them. The smarter you are in your youth, the more "self-aware" you might feel, but it seems to be the rare kid who can see past their natural solipsism and genuinely be able to put themselves in someone else's shoes and thoughts -- that's another skill that comes with age and patience, and hopefully learning from good examples.
Season 5 Wesley shattered the Orlon Window and restored Connor's "real" memories. But all the false ones of his adopted family are just as "real" -- even though Connor rationally now knows they aren't. All the anger and despair came flooding back to him -- except now, he was also able to look at it from the perspective of a normal kid who grew up in a loving family. You never forget the dumb and embarrassing stuff you did when you were still learning how to be a person -- but if you can laugh about it in hindsight, or even most of it? Trust me, you got off light. Connor now can see the absurdity of it all, how so much of it was his own fault because he knew he was right (righteous! On the side of the angels!). And he knows he can't change the past -- but his path going forward couldn't be more clear. He's integrated his past and present self, and taken the best of both worlds to help him build something even stronger.
So as the Kurgan said: "Happy Halloween, ladies!"
