gaydeviants

The question puzzles Ed. “Of course,” he says. “Why would that matter? Is that not something humans do?”

Stede exhales. “Well, it's not really allowed, is it? It’s… frowned up in ‘polite’ society, I suppose,” he says with a frown of his own, and Ed can tell he’s downplaying it. He doesn't understand--

“And one of the expectations of a human marriage is to further the family name, to produce children, so…” Stede adds, trailing off.

“Oh,” says Ed, still feeling confused. “Izzy and I never had children. That was something neither of us had any interest in.”

Stede blinks.

“Are you saying, the two of you--you could have had children together, if you wanted?”

Ed’s brow furrows.  “Of course,” he says, beginning to realize they’re not on the same page. “I guess our, er, bits differ... quite a bit.” And doesn't that give him something to ponder.

Stede snorts. “Yes, I suppose so.” He looks like he’s still trying to digest all that Ed told him, so Ed’s quiet, letting him think.

After a moment, Stede gives his hand a gentle squeeze. “My apologies. Please continue.”

Ed nods. “For a long time, Izzy and I were on top of the world. We were untouchable, and we were ruthless. I'd find the blokes, get them to trust me, and then--and then Izzy would take over from there."

"Don't get me wrong, I've drowned more than my fair share in my day, but Izzy... he is something else all together. Loves the violence of the kill."

Stede shudders, and Ed rushes to continue.

"And at the time, I enjoyed it," he admits. He doesn’t want Stede to get a false impression of him. He feels like it’s important he’s honest about his past. “Izzy and I--we weren’t always kind to each other, but when things went right, when I did what he expected of me, he was almost… different. Almost.”



It’s difficult, thinking back on all the years he spent with Izzy, the scraps he got by on. How he came to associate his own brutality with the amount of affection he would get from his mate, his every attempt at sweetness rebuffed unless he'd done something right. How he convinced himself it was enough while he was starving for more.

For something soft, and easy. Free of complication and turmoil.

“And I know that Izzy cared for me, too, in his own way,” he continues, biting the inside of his cheek in thought. “Or, he cared for that part of me, at least. My title, my reputation, and who I was to him because of it. What that meant for him. But…”

“But that’s not all you are,” Stede finishes, sounding certain. Ed nods, stupidly relieved that Stede can see that. He wonders why Izzy refused to.

“All the violence, all the killing… it wears on you,” he says. “Or, it did me, anyway. I think Izzy loved every moment of it. And he expected me to feel the same.”
 

“You didn’t?” Stede guesses.

Ed nods. “I was so tired,” he says, closing his eyes for a moment. “I wanted out. I thought, I dunno, maybe Izzy would understand. I pictured us running away together, finding some warm waters to spend the rest of our days in peace."

"It was a really stupid idea.”

“It sounds like a lovely idea, actually,” Stede says, patting his hand.

Ed snorts. “If you knew Izzy, you would think differently,” he mutters. With a sigh, he continues. “He was disgusted I even brought it up. Said I was becoming too soft.”

“Nothing wrong with a bit of softness,” Stede murmurs, and Ed looks up at him, really taking him in. Stede is very soft. He thinks he likes that.

They stare at each other for a moment before looking away at the same time, both of them flushing. Ed clears his throat, throwing himself back into the story.
 

“We fought about it,” he says, remembering the altercation. “It was ugly.”

Stede rubs the back of his hand with this thumb.

“Merfolk traditionally mate for life,” Ed continues, and he feels Stede’s movements hesitate, as if he's about to stop touching him. Ed hurries on. “But I think we both knew this was going to be bond-ending.”

Stede resumes the careful stroking of his hand.

“And while there are some exceptions, a bond usually only ends with the death of a mate.”

Stede inhales a quiet breath, and Ed turns his hand over, pressing his palm against Stede’s.

“I really think he would have killed me if he could have,” Ed says, making Stede tense. “He would have seen that as preferable. Honorable, even. But I– I couldn’t do it. He was all I had. So I ran.

"I was upset, and injured, and distracted. I got caught by those other pirates, and Izzy left me for dead. Didn’t even try to help me.”