gaydeviants

good morning, first some gentlebeard for ur time

😊😊😊
ANYWAY!!!!
some stuff abt breathing underwater:

im not rly sure WHERE im going with this, which is a recurring theme in my life rn lmfao. i guess i will start by saying, if u didnt know, i have GAD and have struggled w it for as long as i can remember. it affects like, every aspect of my life, including writing/simming/sharing creative things. which, in part, is why i stepped away from sims for a period of time. i'd also lost interest due to general depression things, and my interests shifted to more handheld sim games for a time, too. i honestly wasnt sure if i'd ever come back to sims, and my writing desire kinda died, too, during that time.

gay pirates brought it all back, which i am eternally grateful for, lmfao. but, i went rly hard on writing and simming for like 2 months, as i tend to do, and surely enough i started to burn out after the initial intensity. i mean gay pirates are still living in my head rent free etc etc but like, the drive to create and play has kinda fizzled. or, idk if thats even it, maybe its just w this particular story that im running out of steam? idk. i still rly WANT to create things and play sims, or i WANT TO want to do it, at any rate, lmfao, which isnt exactly the same thing, but still.

writing and simming breathing underwater was so much fun at first!!! i was having a blast writing something with the intent to share it, and even though i know only a few ppl are reading it, that didnt matter because i was having fun. it was almost preferred, in a way, to have such a small audience. it def appeases my anxiety lmfao. ive never shared any writing before it was complete in the past, and i was nervous but excited to try this out. i may have learned that it is not for me, tho, lol.

when i first finished ofmd, i went super hard writing just absolutely self indulgent garbage that no one else is ever going to see, and it was some of the most fun i'd had writing in a long time!!! so i think, i may need to get back to that for a while. just writing w/o the thought of someone else reading it, because that holds me back a ridiculous amount. im frustrated w where im at, story-wise, w breathing underwater because i didnt rly plan it out further than the initial idea lmfao and i have SOME further ideas but idk how to execute them or how id resolve them, so this longwinded post is basically me saying i think im gonna put it on a tentative hiatus for now. and i know im allowed to do that, i know it doesn't SAY anything abt me that i have an unfinished project that ppl KNOW abt, lmfao, and yet.....

idk i have a bit more of it typed up, i technically could do a few more updates, but the thought of editing it and taking the pics and then ppl reading it is filling me w anxiety now rather than excitement and i just think i need to step back from it for a bit, if that makes sense. im not saying ill never finish it, and im not saying i ever will, either, lol, its all up in the air!! but working on it w/o the self-imposed deadlines and worries abt what other ppl will think of it seems like what i need rn. and to work on other projects, too, and just play the game. and i think, when/if i ever do decide to post more, i may very well wait until i have the whole thing completed, or at least until i have a firm outline of where its going to go and i feel confident that i can pull it off.

anyway thank u so much if u have been reading this, it rly rly means so much to me, and im sorry im kinda bailing on it for now, i know how frustrating that is to start a fic that gets abandoned. i can always tell u where i THINK i was gonna go w it and how i thought it would all end if u need some closure lmfao. but i also have several different ideas on which direction it could end up going, so even that would just be chaos lol.

i had finally started to feel like i was getting a bit of a handle on my anxiety the past few months, and im in the process of trying to get off one of my medications, which has brought back a lot of anxiety, and after a reprieve, it's even harder to deal w, lmfao, so that may be why im having such intense feelings abt writing in general rn. but i think anything i can do to ease some of that burden is what i need rn, and since this is causing me a lot of stupid anxiety, i just felt like this was the best decision for me rn. and i know the only pressure is the pressure i put on myself, but that is way more than enough lol.

anyway, im sure u r here from one of these places, but just in case:

sims tumblr, sims twitter

ive got to head out for work soon, but as im writing this, i feel like im doing the right thing, so, yeah! this is what ive gotta do for now. and i know its not as big of a deal and rly doesn't warrant multiple paragraphs of explanation, but here we are!!! lmfao okay!! thank u so much again for reading, both my sim fic and this whole thing!!! 😘