
What can Chihuahuas teach us about fixing politics?
Most Chihuahuas instinctively escalate conflicts. If a Chihuahua sees something that it perceives as a threat, it will bark. If one Chihuahua starts barking, its friends will also bark. If two Chihuahuas start barking at each other, they will continue to do so until their owners separate them or they pass out from exhaustion.

If a Chihuahua barks at you, do you take it as a personal attack? Does the Chihuahua hate you? Does it want you to die? Do you feel threatened?
You might not fear the Chihuahua, but it fears you. It doesn’t trust you. It sees you as a threat. You’re much bigger and stronger than a Chihuahua. Chihuahuas aren’t strong, but they still want to defend themselves and those they care about. The only way they know how to do that is to convince you that they are ferocious, terrifying creatures that can and will rip you to shreds if you take one step closer.

Because the Chihuahua is in a position of insecurity when it meets a new human, it’s more inclined to respond with hostility and defensiveness rather than waiting to see whether you’re nice and have anything good to offer. Humans work the same way. The less secure we feel, the more afraid we are, the less we listen and the worse our words.
When other humans disagree with our political beliefs, we feel threatened, and use hostile and defensive words like the ones below:
- You’re crazy.
- You’re stupid.
- You’re worthless.
- You’re disgusting.
- You’re evil.
- You’re not welcome here.
- You’re a monster.
- You’ll get what’s coming to you.
- Stay mad. I drink your tears.
You may have heard your political opponents say these things. This, of course, is proof that they are evil people. On the other hand, your friends and allies may have said some of these things about your political opponents. You may have said some such things yourself. But that’s okay; you were justified.
This line of reasoning is called the fundamental attribution error. When someone else does something less than admirable, it’s because they’re a Bad Person. When you do something bad, it’s because you were in bad circumstances. Maybe you didn’t have any better options, or were just having a bad day. You’re not normally like that. You’re a Good Person.

When we peel away the fundamental attribution error and take another look at political arguments, we realize that when we hear something horrible that the other side says, we are not hearing what the normal people on that side actually care about. We are hearing the barking of vulnerable mammals who feel threatened.
When that happens, we have to decide how to respond. Here’s the choice most people make:
After reading the other side’s barking, we feel threatened and bark back. Our friends join us in our barking. The other side will see us and our friends barking, feel even more threatened, and they will bark more in response.

This barking reinforces a powerful mutual illusion. The barking we hear from the other side is a facade to appear intimidating, but if we’re making the fundamental attribution error we think it exposes their true face. Inversely, if someone from the other side does express their legitimate concerns, we think it’s a pretense to justify anger that is actually rooted in selfishness and ignorance. We can comfortably ignore any genuinely good points they make because we already know their real motives are unworthy of respect.
Meanwhile, they’re drawing the exact same conclusions about us. When we bark at the other side, we aren’t articulating our true concerns in a way that makes sense to them. After all, we believe our concerns are obvious and the other side has already rejected them. All that’s left is to make noises to scare them the same way they scare us.
But they haven’t rejected our true concerns. They’ve rejected our barking. They just hear our barking and think it’s the real us.
The mutual illusion is that only barking is sincere, and anything else is deception.

That’s not the only mistake we’re making, though. We believe that the other side, the Bad Side, will eventually back down if we bark at them loud enough. When they bark at us, we just have to push back and out-intimidate them until they surrender and the Good Side can take over and figure out everything.
But nobody will surrender, because both sides think they’re standing up for what’s right. We all continue to escalate. Everything becomes barking. There’s no discussion of what people really care about, and no exploration of solutions better than the ones we’ve already latched onto. We come to accept endless barking as normal.

Meanwhile, politicians take advantage of this chain reaction of barking. Fearful voters are loyal voters. Politicians can be as corrupt as they want and we’ll make excuses for them, as long as they’re protecting us from the side that’s barking at us.
Now, maybe one side is completely in the right and the other side is just plain wrong. But when both sides are barking, it is very difficult to weigh the points, check the logic, and make a thoughtful judgment. How would we know if we were wrong, when we’re too busy barking to consider the possibility? By the same principle, how does barking create a space where the other side can feel safe realizing they’re wrong?
More likely, though, both sides have valid concerns and are failing to find a way to address them together. Even if our side wins, the other side’s concerns are still valid. Some of their barking is trying to warn us about problems with our policies. If we ignore the warnings, we’ll run right into those problems.

But since in our barking we declared the other side’s concerns to be Wrong and Evil, we’re forced to pretend those problems don’t exist. Trying to solve the real problems that the Evil Side was talking about would be admitting that they were telling the truth, that they were right. It would be worse than letting Evil win. It would be admitting that maybe our side was fighting against something good, which would make us Evil.

Even when we vehemently oppose someone’s political positions, we don’t need to label everything they do as bad. We can avoid barking ourselves into a corner by focusing on the problems that really matter to us.
Our defensiveness isn’t completely misplaced, though. Chihuahuas aren’t a threat even when they’re angry, but humans are. Even if the opposing side might not be evil and wrong about everything, they’re still dangerous. We need to be able to be dangerous back!
…Right?

Yes, humans are dangerous. That’s why it’s even more important that we stop barking and start using the power of language to discuss our concerns. Otherwise we’ll be tempted to escalate from barking.

Ending the spiral of barking means changing the conversation. When Chihuahuas bark, we don’t bark back at them. Instead, we speak in friendly tones. We give them space, avoid sudden or sneaky movements, and let them sniff us so they know more about us. To show vulnerability rather than aggression, we may take a seat.
These actions help the Chihuahuas feel safe enough to quiet down. We’re showing them that we’re not a threat. We’re comfortable taking these steps because we already know the Chihuahuas aren’t a threat to us. There’s no reason for us to threaten them, not that it would work anyway.
The same principles also apply to humans.

We need to communicate in a way that allows both sides to feel secure. People who feel secure in what they stand for can stand up for themselves without barking. I find engaging in a values conversation to be the most effective approach for this purpose.
A values conversation only requires one side to know how a values conversation works. That can be you! Here’s how to have a values conversation:
First, before we engage with a political opponent, we need to take a moment to understand why we care about the issue under discussion. What are our concerns? What are the outcomes we are afraid will happen if the other side does what they want? These are easy and effective ways to identify our values regarding the issue.
We don’t need to talk about what we think the best thing to do is. We don’t even need to talk about how we arrived at our conclusions about what’s true. Both of those things come later. Right now, we just need to center ourselves on the values that are most important to us. Doing so will help us avoid getting defensive or distracted during the discussion. We can feel secure, because nobody can take our values away from us.

Expressing our values as concerns lets us present our point of view without attacking anyone. Concerns are not barking, so we avoid triggering additional barking from the other side.
Conversely, our concerns are not susceptible to attacks from others. People can address our concerns, or disregard them, or second-guess them, or present their own concerns in response. However, our concerns can’t be “wrong,” no matter how unlikely they are. We don’t need facts to back them up. No matter what anyone does, they can’t make our concerns simply disappear. Our concerns will persist until they are addressed, one way or another.
Because concerns don’t depend on facts, people don’t need to agree about what’s true before we can have a meaningful conversation. Facts are useful tools for predicting the future, navigating tricky situations, and figuring out how we can change our circumstances to be more like how we want them. However, that all comes later. Starting the conversation by forcing people to accept the facts that we supply (and the response we think those facts call for) is just more barking.

Second, understanding our own concerns makes it easier for us to recognize the other side’s concerns. At that point, we can calm their barking by finding the things we can agree on, no matter how unlikely. Never mind that we don’t believe space aliens are going to turn us all into musical instruments–we voice our agreement that we don’t want that to happen either. (Well, it’s true, isn’t it?) Figuring out what’s likely and how to respond to it comes later. Right now all that matters is sharing concerns.

When we discuss concerns, we take the conversation out of the realm of “right and wrong.” That’s what allows the conversation to move forward.
Finally, after we understand each other’s concerns, we can start untangling the tricky details: what information do we need to make a decision, how will we gather that information, and what can we do in response to what we learn?
At any point in this process, we’re entitled to change our minds about something we believed or wanted. We’re also entitled to say we don’t trust a person or a source of information. That just means we need to figure out what it would take to earn our trust. Meanwhile, other people are entitled to have the same concerns about us.
As we learned from thermostats, there are methods of finding solutions that address everyone’s concerns. Finding those solutions is far easier once we stop barking.

If you’re struggling to express your concerns and move the conversation away from barking, don’t wait for things to calm down! Email me or schedule a meeting at https://www.visionaryvocabularies.com/, and we’ll find how to discuss what matters most. Looking forward to hearing from you!






























































































































