June 22, 2026:

i don't feel like mainstream dialogue contains enough discussion about the way racism is the driving force between lack of public and/or mass transit in the u.s. (i specify mainstream because i know scholars and activists are talking about it.)

the focus, even among lefty people, tends to be on the post-war capitalistic project of convincing every american that they need to have a car; that a car is freedom and convenience and you deserve that, don't you?; that a car is part of the american dream; that nothing else will work for your busy lifestyle. and like, that was a real project!

but lbr. the reason many communities became unwalkable was because white flight led to suburbs, and suburbs were specifically designed NOT to be connected to public or mass transit (except in the northeast where there were commuter trains to cities like nyc, but that's a major outlier) so that people of color, specifically black people, couldn't get out there. there are no sidewalks because they don't want people "loitering" (which is a crime that's only ever leveraged against people of color, the poor, and perhaps teenage boys) and because it's taken for granted that if you're rich enough to live in the suburbs, your family has at least one car (usually two for a nuclear family unit) and you don't mind driving not only to your place of employment but also to school, the grocery store, your place of worship, etc. this was all incredibly intentional and exacerbated by redlining.

so now there aren't many workable public or mass transit systems in most american communities outside of a small area in the northeast and some major cities like chicago, etc.

i hear a lot of rhetoric that buses and rail are underfunded and public buses between metro areas are nonexistent because "no one" uses them. by which they mean "no one white."

in my small southern city, black people who identify as not-mixed-race make up ~35% of the population and if you add in people who identify as mixed-race (most but not all of whom have african-american ancestry), the total comes out to about ~38-39%. white people who are not mixed race are about ~38-39% of the population.

i do not have firm numbers on the racial identities of people who use public transit (or inter-city buses like greyhound) but just judging by my own observations, i would guess that 70+% of the people who use them are black (i'm actually rounding down because i know there's a lot of studies that show that people in the dominant group overestimate the number of people in the non-dominate group when they think about group composition and i want to leave room for that unconscious bias on my part. my instinctive guess would be closer to like 85%). there's a smaller percentage of white people who use them for one purpose (park and ride to work) but not to generally get around (errands, visiting friends, etc.). the white people who do use the buses for other things are almost uniformly poor. the only people who use them are people who literally cannot afford another option.

it can take upwards of an hour or two to get somewhere that can take fifteen minutes on a car because of the way the bus routes are laid out and transfers and such. if i wanted to take a bus to work, i would have to walk 30 minutes from my house to a bus stop, take a 25 minute bus ride, then walk 20 more minutes to my place of work. that's over an hour EACH WAY and doesn't factor in things like weather (it gets very, very hot and humid here in the summer and we have big thunder storms; there would be no place for me to take a shower when i reached work so as not to offend people) and the fact that if i miss the bus i'm aiming for, it would be 30 minutes before another one came around. whereas when i drive, i can get to and from work in less than 15 (usually between 10 and 12) minutes.

should i still do the bus? probably from a moral, environmental perspective, i should. but i just can't sacrifice that much of my life to trying to get to and from work.

if you push people who aren't public transit fanatics about why the routes aren't designed better/don't run more frequently, they'll say it's because there's "not enough demand."

but let's be real: if white people were demanding public transit, it would exist. white people need to do this more. and we need to push our municipalities to invest in public transit FIRST and then hope the users will follow. because of course if your bus routes are inconvenient and take too long, people who have other options aren't going to use them! but if you design a quick, efficient system that goes lots and lots of different places, i do think people who don't have to use public transit would start to use it more.

white people these days are less racist (i know, i know, but i truly believe there a larger proportion of white people now are less racist than in the past) and more environmentally-conscious than they were in the post-war period up through the 70s when public transit was being killed off. yes, there are still people who are so racist or convenience-pilled or attached to their cars that they wouldn't use even the best and most convenient transit system. but i KNOW that there are lots of people who would, because i'm one of them and also because i have had this discussion with many, many friends.

anyway, i know many of you know this, but i needed to get it out of my system and articulate some things for myself before i contact my state and local reps and the people running for office about local infrastructure!!!


June 16, 2026:

oh yeah, that's one of my super specific pet peeves: people who attribute catholic theology/culture to protestantism or--worse still--the many americans whose only understanding of christianity is white conservative protestantism who project it onto other forms of christianity especially catholicism like the reformation didn't tear apart europe for centuries.

or let's go wider: people who talk about "christians" or "christianity" without specifying which specific flavor they're talking about
#like i'm sorry
#when you say 'christians' are you talking about medieval french catholics?
#17th century puritains in new england?
#victorian anglo-catholics?
#mainline protestants in the current day hanging up pride flags?
#the incredibly complex and nuanced tradition of african american churches?
#cultural latin american catholicism?
#the nationalism that crops up in the orthodox churches of eastern europe and the middle east?
#latin american liberation theology?
#african american liberation theology?
#korean presbyterianism?
#anglicanism in the former british colonies in africa?
#palestinian and lebanese christians trying to survive?
#southern baptists?
#the claremont institute?
#the heritage foundation?
#the re-imagining movement?
#billy gaham or jerry falwell or pat robertson?
#hildegard von bingen?
#the rev. jesse jackson?
#mark driscoll?
#augustine of hippo?
#nadia bolz weber?
#st. john of the cross?
#paula white?
#thomas merton?
#teresa of avila?
#che ahn?
#cotton mather?
#ann fucking lee?


June 9, 2026:

a pride message

i'm currently processing the papers of a prominent queer activist and writer (if you're into queer history/studies/activism, you would almost certainly know the name if i told you, but i am not ready to dox myself on tumblr dot com)

and one thing i'm very struck by is to what lengths this person went to ensure that they had a legal tie to their wife. this person had a ton of traumatic experiences with the legal system around gender, incarceration because of protests, etc. they hated state power and had suffered mightily from it in ways i can't wrap my mind around, but they also knew that the state is a power they lived under.

so as soon as it became legal to get civil unions formalized by the state, they and their partner did that in two different states. then as soon as same-sex marriage was legalized in the u.s., they got married in two different states too.

this was not because they believed in respectability politics. they were revolutionary in just about every way conceivable. but they had watched many, many loved ones die through the aids epidemic, beloved partners and friends kept apart because of a lack of legal relationship, the bodies of the dead given to their estranged families instead of the people who had loved and cared for them.

my activist and their wife were not going to let that happen to them. they took advantage of a legal mechanism that would protect their right to make decisions for each other. to physically be together in life and death. they did not view this as a moral compromise, but as a survival tactic. a necessity for the world in which they lived in the moment, regardless of how hard they worked to create a better world where such things wouldn't be necessary. they also made sure that their wills, executor paperwork, etc. was exactly what they wanted it to be. it sucks that these things matter, but they do.

ideologically, i am a person who wishes that our human relationships were not dictated by the state. i'll work towards that end. but i also know that we live under the power of the state now, and we have to take advantage of that to protect ourselves. we have to vote, we have to get legal documents affirming things that we don't really need affirmed by anyone else, we have to fight for and against laws that politicize our identities.

i'm wishing everyone happy pride and i hope you have lots of music, color, friendship, and joy during this month. but i hope you also remember that queerness is a political identity as much as it is a social/sexual/gender one and that one of the ways we take care of each other is by working within the systems as they currently exist even as we try to dismantle them. to mitigate harm and promote care and freedom, we have to do both. some people's work will skew more in one direction than the other, and that's fine.

but if you can legally vote, vote. in every election, especially the local ones, because many of the most consequential laws are at the local and state (or whatever your equivalent is in your country) levels. there are times when your vote won't "matter" (though that is almost never the case on the local level, just the national one) but there are more times when it will, and many people suffered and fought and literally died to buy you the write to vote if you have it. our enemies wouldn't be working so hard to take our votes away if they didn't matter at all. and voting can be a sacred act, a kind of ritual tying you to the people in the past who wouldn't be able to vote because they had something in common with you (gender, race, class, whatever).

if you are able to legally tie yourself to someone you have chosen to love, do that. it will protect you later. it doesn't have to be your monogamous romantic partner, just someone you trust! it will get you into hospital rooms if someone you love ends up in one. it will let you make legal and medical decisions for them if need be. and it will keep them safe from biological family who may not have their best interests at heart. if you're in the u.s., it could get you or your loved one health care. if you or your loved one have citizenship in another country, it could let you escape your current state if you ever need to do that (i'm jewish, so this is always a consideration).

get involved in some kind of local political action. it could be a mutual aid society or a food bank. it could be a political campaign for someone you think would serve the community well. it could be signing petitions, participating in court watch, compiling data, showing up at zoning or school board meetings. this will help you meet like-minded people. it will keep your priorities straight. it will give you hope when the world seems hopeless. it will save you.

i am fortunate that i get to work with the material legacies of extraordinary people, including many, many activists. i have been able to learn from their work and their lives. many of them are women who have spent thirty, fifty, seventy years fighting to make the world better. all of them had stinging defeats. all of them had incredible, unexpected triumphs. there was forward motion and backwards motion. but they kept working.

maybe pick a specific person who worked towards a cause you cared about. bonus points if they are/were in your geographic community! dig into your local archives to find them--i promise you, no matter where you live, they existed, and if there's evidence of that (there isn't always--many communities are under-served or not served at all by archives because of racism, classism, misogyny, etc.), familiarize yourself with it. it will inspire you! looking at a picture of black and white feminists organizing in rural arkansas in the 80s to help lift poor women out of poverty or watching video of act up! activists using performance art to push back against the culture of death that abandoned aids victims or reading the testimonies of women who were imprisoned in their attempt to vote or reading diaries of those who worked to end colonialism...these things will make you strong and resolute and defiant and grateful and joyful!

even better than all of this: meet some elders who can share their first-hand accounts with you. build real relationships with them! the people who have worked the hardest have the most incredible stories to tell and they would LOVE to tell them! it would provide them with comfort and validation to share them with you! you can be a source of hope to them that the next generation (or the one after that or the one after that!) is still working for the things they worked for!

and then when you feel discouraged, when nothing else is keeping you working towards change, think about these people in general and the person you picked in particular. and then you tell yourself: "[person i admire] spent decades refusing to surrender to the powers of hierarchy, violence, cynicism, and greed. who would i be if i didn't do the same? could i look them in the eye? if people who remember jim crow or violent communist regimes or the aids crisis or violent colonial rule or whatever horrible time could keep fighting, what right do i have to give up?"

of course you're going to need to take breaks. balancing this kind organizing work with play--hobbies, creating art, hanging out with your friends, communal meals, time in nature, naps, squeeing over your blorbo with other fans, shitposting on tumblr, doing absolutely nothing!--is vital, and as you get older you'll get better at calibrating the balance. you'll probably get burnt out a few times before you figure out what balance is right for you. make sure you get enough rest! fuel your body with the best food you can! fuel your soul with art and writing and memories from others!

dream big. dream HUGE. but also remember the world you live in and take concrete steps to protect yourselves and your loved ones. don't beat yourself up for living in a system you did not ask to live in. don't feel guilty for making concessions sometimes. be practical and be idealistic. find people, especially especially older people, who have the kind of life you want to live and learn from them. mentorship--both mentoring and being mentored--is one of the great joys in life and nothing can provide you with more hope and perspective than having meaningful relationships with people in different generations: those older than you who can share hard-won wisdom and perspective, those younger than you who have passion and fresh eyes.

i am feeling very tender towards younger vulnerable people these days. especially queer people during this month of pride and this time of backlash against the gains we have made. take care of each other! don't throw each other under the bus! don't assume that you can win your own safety by sacrificing the safety of others, because that never, ever, ever works and also it will curdle your soul.

we can take care of each other. in fact, it's the only thing in the world that actually matters.

May 27, 2026

i am listening to my boy ryan broderick talk about peter thiel funding the nyc arts hipster scene to propagate his disgusting beliefs. literally paying these people to say what he wants them to say in an attempt to change the culture to be what he wants it to be.

and ryan's talking about how the plan is to manipulate dirtbag leftists to believe that having any beliefs at all is embarrassing.

and i am thinking about how the unchecked desire to be cool makes you incredibly easy to manipulate. the fear of vulnerability and sentimentality drives you to apathy and then cruelty. you will sell out anything so long as you can avoid being thought of as cringe.

the only defense i know is sincerity. loving what you love without shame. being unafraid to risk being cheesy. in an increasingly apathetic world where most people are willing to sell out, the true superpower is earnestness and having actual faith in something.

if anyone is going to make the world better it’s people who earnestly believe in the power of all those trite things: love and community and hope and peace and creativity and redemption and joy and whimsy and nature and laughing at yourself.
#this gets easier the older you get
#it's easy enough for me to say as someone who's almost 40
#i don't blame 18-years-olds for desperately wanting to be cool
#but you have to grow out of it
#that's what maturity is
#also i work with the records of older women who have dedicated their entire lives to making the world a better place
#who are still doing so in their 70s and 80s and 90s
#and it's spitting in their face to check out
#like my mom emily says
#'at the drawing board the hopeful ones still try
#how can we help it when we’re fighting for the love of our lives?'
#the triumph of intellect and romance over brute force and cynicism
#the podcast is panic world in case you were wondering


February 26, 2026

i know that this is a fandom blog and i don't post political stuff on purpose, but i just need to rant.

i voted in the primary yesterday and it's so discouraging to me that all the elderly volunteers thanked me so profusely for voting like they were shocked that a youngish person was there.

i truly do understand the exhaustion with gerrymandering and the electoral college. it's profoundly fucking anti-democratic and i am furious about it. i am so angry about all the layers of bullshit in our country that undermine democracy, from the lack of representation of american citizens who live in d.c., puerto rico, guam, american samoa, etc. to the fact that we don't have automatic voter registration as soon as a person hits 18.

i also get the exhaustion of living in a fully red state and knowing your vote matters very little. i spent the first 25ish years of my life in such a state. though i live in a purple state now so the people around me don't even have that excuse! our races are SO important right now!

but leaving all that aside: PEOPLE LITERALLY DIED SO YOU COULD VOTE. the franchise was a centuries long project! if you are working class or a woman or not white, your spiritual ancestors (and perhaps your literal ones) fought so fucking hard to get you the vote and i am sorry, i do not respect you not taking advantage of that. it is the bare fucking minimum that you can do.

and if you don't like your options in the general? THAT MAKES IT ALL THE MORE IMPORTANT TO VOTE IN THE PRIMARY. we have some absolutely fantastic candidates going up against mediocrities or flat-out gross people. sooooo many judicial races! do people not understand how much goddamn power judges have over the everyday lives of people???? the school board???? your local reps???? local elections affect every aspect of your life! and your vote counts MUCH more in local elections than it does in the general, so even if you don't think it matters in national races, i guarantee you it does locally.

i just get so angry at people who don't vote. because your enemies? are absolutely voting.
#if your vote didn't matter at all
#people wouldn't be working so fucking hard to take it away from you


February 24, 2026

i feel like everything about the u.s. right now is the result of people asking the right questions and then latching onto the totally wrong answers

"why is it so hard to be a working person these days?" should have the answer of "the rich are hoarding wealth and destroying public services" but instead people are believing "it's because of immigrants!!!"

"why can't i get decent, affordable healthcare?" should have the answer of "because healthcare should not be determined by the market but should be a public good for all people" but instead people are believing "because doctors and the government are lying to you and all you really need is this crystal/peptide/right thinking that i conveniently happen to be selling!"

"why did e*****n get away with so much for so long?" should have the answer of "the rich and powerful protect their own, a surfeit of wealth rots the soul, but men love to bond over hurting women and children" and instead people are believing "jewish conspiracy/deep state/whatever"

"why does it feel like i can't make a difference at all in the direction my country is headed?" should have the answer of "because of gerrymandering, big money in politics, and media investment in the status quo" but instead people are believing "voting is a lie and democracy doesn't work so let's just have a king"

"why does it feel like the world is changing so fast that i don't know how to react?" should have the answer of "the world has always changed quickly, but the combination of social media and big tech companies controlling everything means that we're feeling more overwhelmed than ever" but instead people are believing "trans conspiracy/jewish conspiracy/whatever"

"what the fuck is wrong with the education system?" should have the answer of "our society has treated education like a business and not like a public good, we are devaluing the humanities and the pursuit of knowledge, and we pay administrations way too much and teachers way too little" but instead people are believing "education that doesn't directly lead to a very specific kind of job is worthless/marxists are running the universities/everything is too woke!"

"why does the u.s. establishment support the genocide in gaza?" should have the answer of "colonial powers support each other and racist societies are always going to side with the side that appears to be the most white" but instead people are believing "because cabal"

etc. etc. repeat ad nauseam

all these answers are chum provided by grifters, white nationalists, and and billionaires with dark agendas to keep people from finding the real solutions to our problems which are--guess what?--solidarity, organizing, justice, the arts, and taking care of each other