pomegrenade

i never really believed that pain had to be an integral part of art, in fact, i loved it when people twisted their pain into something beautiful. and i don't mean beautiful to look at, in an almost grotesque way. when authors and artists would walk through hell and come out singing, i'd read that kind of media and think that maybe one day i could do that.


if you have full access, you can read part of a WIP that i put a lot of myself into. a lot of my thoughts, and beliefs, and worries, and neuroses, and none of them get resolved at the end of the chapter. the only real "happy ending" for that particular part comes in characters realizing that they're not alone in their fear and their loneliness and their self-doubt.


once, i wanted to write stories with completely happy endings. i wanted the antagonists to be punished and the protagonists to be rewarded. then i tumbled into a world of adulthood where yeah, there were antagonists, but they were just as likely to be The System as they were to be some douchey ex. that the reward i'd busted my ass to attaim was another four years of school even more grueling than the four years before it.

but, you know?

through everything. through all the mental turmoil - the mania, the depression, the hypervigilance, the recklesness, through exam after exam after exam until i thought my eyeballs would melt out of my head. i had friends. i had people to say, "c, get some rest" or "yeah, that does in fact suck."

i don't write fairy tales anymore. there's a place and time for them, and i doubt i've outgrown them as much as i'd like to think, but...

i want to read about twenty-somethings being afraid of the future and what it holds, holding onto each other 'cause that's worked whenever shit hit the fan in high school and college. i want to read about chosen families. i want to read about love, not necessarily romantic love or sexual attraction, but platonic "these are my dumb friends and i will follow them into lava... wait, why are we walking through lava?"

in writing what i'd written earlier, i realized how much the love my friends had shown me had shaped the characters i'd written, and been writing for years. friends are not yes men. they do not stand by and watch you destroy yourself. and sometimes, they have to separate themself from you for one reasn or another. that's not bad. that's life.

i know being thankful for various whatnot is so thanksgiving, but this holiday whateverthefuck, i am thankful to all my friends, whether we still speak to each other or not, or whether they're even still in this plane of existence.

i was a lonely kid who wrote stories and poems to fill a void, and also so i could pretend like i was doing work.

and then i met other lonely kids like me in middle, high school, and college, and all of a sudden, i wasn't lonely anymore.

i was happy.
and for someone who struggles with depression-predominant bipolar disorder, that was/is actually an achievement.

my heart is singing. if we're friends, thank you for that.

Over the last three years, I've written what could best be described as a metric ton of fanfiction, most of it for the Homestuck fandom. I've hit a bit of a wall for the entry I'm working on for a fic big bang. Although I am almost at the 20k words required (I'm in the high 16,000s), I feel kind of stuck where I am. So in order to get some inspo for getting over this minor hurdle, I've been rereading old fanfics of mine. I don't think it counts as plagiarism if you're borrowing scenes from yourself.

Yeah, a lot of my older fics are cringey, so I didn't include 'em. Some things that happen in 2013 should stay in 2013. Nevertheless, a lot of my younger are well-written enough that I can scarcely believe I wrote them. Improvement! I guesss>

So I've decided to list a lot of the fics I've written over the last three years and that I'm genuinely proud of having written. Not all of them are humanstuck, surprise surprise. In fact, I think three of my ancestor-era Alternia fics and two of my Collegestuck fics are the ones I'm proudest of.

Since I can't figure out how to change colors on the text on this infernal contraption yet, any fic rated explicit, as will mature rated work with heavy themes, will contain three asterisks before the title. I do not want minors accidentally running into my more explicit/heavily themed work. That said, even if you are 18, there may be triggering material in a given story that you do not wish to see. I try to tag for most common triggers. Let me know if I missed something.


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