The trouble with putting Chris and Robert of The Goes Wrong Show in bed together, and I say this as a big Chris/Robert fan, is that I feel Robert is romantic and vanilla in bed, whereas Chris has a masochistic streak a mile wide and just wants someone to tie him up and whip him. I attempted to write a fic in which Chris asks Robert to hurt him, and it never got anywhere because Robert's response was just '??? that doesn't seem right.'

Robert will hurt you unintentionally in the course of acting, and he'll hurt you deliberately in order to steal your role, but he just doesn't think the bedroom is the place for that sort of thing. Which is, I'll be honest, Robert, extremely inconvenient for me personally.

Anyway! While I'm talking about Chris/Robert, I received an anonymous question on Tumblr:

I was wondering if you had any thoughts about how the Robert/Chris dynamic would be if Chris were a trans man. I imagine Chris would be stealth so Robert might not even know until they started whatever you would call their bizarre but fascinating relationship.

I can see exactly how this would come to light. Chris and Robert end up furiously making out after an argument, unplanned and unexpected, and then Chris feels Robert's hands heading below the belt and panics, starts pulling away, "There's something I need to tell you—"

"Chris," Robert says, with a concerned frown, "your penis appears to be missing."

Chris is so thrown - by the situation as a whole, but particularly by the fact that Robert is imparting this information as if he's worried that Chris might not know - that he completely forgets anything he was about to say.

"Do you need the hospital?" Robert asks.

Chris swallows, with some difficulty. "No, I'm... I'm fine. This is the, er, the intended state of affairs."

Robert's frown eases, but only a little. "Do you have any genitalia at all? Because I did rather have plans."

Does Robert... does Robert know what being trans is? "Er, I..."

How is Chris supposed to articulate this? It's a tricky thing to phrase at the best of times, let alone when he's so aroused he can't think straight and faced by someone to whom the entire concept is apparently new.

"May I check?" Robert asks. "If you're not sure?"

Chris shrugs, helplessly. "I... I suppose."

Robert strips off Chris's trousers and pants, swiftly and matter-of-factly. Contemplates him for a moment. All Chris can do is stand there, blushing furiously.

"Oh," Robert says, brightening, "that's fine. I know exactly what to do with one of these."

And, as it turns out, he does.