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my habit for my fic is selecting Choose Not To Warn on the archive and tagging less informatively than is currently in style. but never fear; I can and WILL answer questions about what the story contains to provide more information so you can decide whether you want to read it.

have you come to ask questions about a story's contents before you read the story? I answer them all! you can ask them anon!!!!!

(or just say hi!)

schmirius

Additional tags:
#insomnia, #ed-typical suicidality, #graphic, #mental health issues, #sad

A/N:
Midnight (mid) watch lasts from midnight to 4am these days. Time wasn't standardized in the same way in the 18th century as it is today but I'm too tired to keep trying to tease out my metaphor.

( night watch )

schmirius

[tumblr | ao3]

Fandom: Sherlock BBC (yeah for real.)
Pairing: Sherlock/Jim Moriarty
Additional Tags: aftercare, liminality, identity bleed
Summary: This is not a cigarettes in bed situation.

( Read more... )

schmirius

[AO3 | tumblr]

Rating: Explicit
Fandom: Our Flag Means Death
Pairing: Lucius/Izzy
Additional Tags: trans izzy, wall sex, daddy kink, queers lovingly calling each other slurs, (we lovingly misgender lucius! izzy just has his huge dick)
Summary: Happy Kinktober! Prompt: Lucius/Izzy, wall sex

( Read more... )

schmirius

set strike

summary:

And they all lived happily ever after and opened up Pyrate Theatre, putting on the best fuckin shows on the high seas three nights a week with matinees. The stage is set: tonight, it's opening night for Ed.

Unless he accidentally winds up in a completely different genre where he has to survive by playing himself through 10k words of whump instead.

A/N:

RIGHT UNDER THE LINE, GANG, for this year's OFMD Reverse Big Bang. I was excited to get matched with ourfag in the lottery this year; I hope I've done their art and their ideas justice. They've been great to jam with for months. A thank you also to those crazy sprinters in chat for keeping me going and marx for beta.

This is whump. There's no sexual component to it, nor does anyone degrade Ed racially or in a queerphobic manner. Beyond that, you know what the genre is like, and I don't know what grosses you out or doesn't. I will gladly answer any questions you have about the story's content—please don't hesistate to contact me by commenting on AO3, on tumblr, or on dreamwidth (where you can be completely anonymous).

"Set strike" is the process of breaking up and taking down the set at the end of a theatrical production.

( Read more... )

schmirius

[on ao3 | tumblr]

Summary:
A soft, intimate supper: easy for Ed, manageable for Stede, just right for Izzy. They're going to make tender love to Izzy after this, they just know it.

A/N:
Welccome to that vague post-s2 where nobody died and they already all got together on that island. Written for the Canyon Writers' Workshop Winter Exchange: my recipient was

xander994, and he prompted "Stede+Ed are protective of Izzy" and "Izzy initiates displays of affection." Anchors aweigh.

* * *

( tender )

schmirius

THE END HAS COME

ofmd_reverse_bang draws to a close as July does, and today I post the last chapter of

The Little Mershark

THE FIC: a completely goofy Little Mermaid (1989) pastiche, starring Ed and Izzy for 17k words. FINALLY, the chapter arrives where you get to see

nadsdraws’ lovely and gently silly and deeply romantic art which inspired the whole piece.

It’s not like Izzy ASKED to get turned into a mer-shark. It’s not HIS fault that his long-time mer-kraken best friend had gone completely off the rails and didn’t even know him anymore, even before the spell. It’s not HIS fault they had to have mer-sex about it to break the spell. Who the hell gets themselves into an enchanted fucking situation like this, anyway.

I wonder if Ed and Izzy are going to have kraken on shark sex in this final chapter of a story with a happy ending???

*

( Archie took a swig of her ale, delighted. )

schmirius

Welcome back, happy Wednesday, here we go: chapter 3 of 4 of this incredibly silly OFMD Reverse Bang fic is available for YOUR perusal:

The Little Mershark

going to happen next Wednesday too, whether you like it or not!!

*

Additional Tags:
Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Merpeople, Alternate Universe - The Little Mermaid (Disney Movies) Fusion, author never thought they'd write a fic in a non-canon universe, Transformation, trans izzy, Actual Kraken Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Ed-typical suicidality, Dramatic Irony, (fluffy), Magic, (goofy), Consentacles

Collections:
Our Flag Means Death Reverse Bang 2024

Summary:
It's not like Izzy ASKED to get turned into a mer-shark. It's not HIS fault that his long-time mer-kraken best friend has gone completely off the rails and doesn't even know him anymore, even before the spell. It's not HIS fault they have to have mer-sex about it to break the spell. Who the hell gets themselves into an enchanted fucking situation like this, anyway.

*

( Tuesday again: they were ushering him into the back office, politely but firmly, to go hang out with silent naked guys for his allotted 50 minutes. )

schmirius

Welcome back, happy Wednesday, here we go: chapter 2 of 4 of this incredibly silly

ofmd_reverse_bang fic is available for YOUR perusal:

The Little Mershark

going to happen next Wednesday too, whether you like it or not!!

*

Additional Tags:
Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Merpeople, Alternate Universe - The Little Mermaid (Disney Movies) Fusion, author never thought they'd write a fic in a non-canon universe, Transformation, trans izzy, Actual Kraken Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Ed-typical suicidality, Dramatic Irony, (fluffy), Magic, (goofy), Consentacles

Collections:
Our Flag Means Death Reverse Bang 2024

Summary:
It's not like Izzy ASKED to get turned into a mer-shark. It's not HIS fault that his long-time mer-kraken best friend has gone completely off the rails and doesn't even know him anymore, even before the spell. It's not HIS fault they have to have mer-sex about it to break the spell. Who the hell gets themselves into an enchanted fucking situation like this, anyway.

*

( The first thing Ed saw was a fucking seagull, upside-down, perching on his head and staring directly into his eyes. )

schmirius

summary:
It's not like Izzy ASKED to get turned into a mer-shark. It's not HIS fault that his long-time mer-kraken best friend had gone completely off the rails and didn't even know him anymore, even before the spell. It's not HIS fault they had to have mer-sex about it to break the spell. Who the hell gets themselves into an enchanted fucking situation like this, anyway.

author's note:
Part of the OFMD Reverse Bang: an artist creates art, and the writer looks at it and howls with glee and then writes. I matched with Nads; it's been great collaborating with her the whole way.

napneeders was my incredible beta. I had the BEST time jamming with them on issues large and small (hey, did you know not everyone speaks in enormous run-ons?) and I'll do it again.

As always, please feel free to contact with specific questions about story contents if you want more info before you read: dreamwidth (where you can be anon) or tumblr. <3

*

( The weather was fucking awful. )

schmirius

[also on tumblr | ao3]

Easily my favorite part of OFMD season 2 were the opening episodes. 2x01-2x03 were bangers, emotionally intense and way darker than I could have dreamed season 2 would go. As I said the week they aired:

my miserable fic about Ed passively trying to escape everything – and him and Izzy having the worst fight about whether Ed was allowed to die or not – WASN’T EVEN MISERABLE ENOUGH. I had no expectations that anyone would read this fic of mine because I knew how miserable it was, and how much people didn’t like seeing their favorite characters in this kind of pain – and then the show went and did this shit SO MUCH HARDER and EVERYONE SUFFERED THROUGH IT

Those opening episodes went so hard, in fact, they created a profound and enormous mess for every character to sort through in the remaining five episodes of the season. I love characters caught in feelings vortexes. I love high stakes. But I didn't think 2x04–2x08 addressed all tremendous and upsetting problems the season opening raised.

Playing around with the season, I wanted to do a few major things:

Rework the characters that canon s2 introduced, to be able to focus more tightly on the Revenge's response to the 2x01-2x03 atom bomb.
Give Ed and Stede more focused arcs (individually and as a couple). Ed and Stede were, emotionally, at completely opposite poles in 2x01-2x03, and in canon I think they didn't connect much after that. So in my version, they'll do basic work to understand why their s1 meet-cute failed and how they can move on to having a real relationship.
Address Ed's very vividly depicted violence from 2x01-2x02. I found the amends depicted in canon somewhere between "unsatisfying" and "horrifying." Jesus did I need to fuck around with that.

The three major acts in the season:

ACT 1 (2x01-2x03) – Trauma!
These episodes remain largely the same as in canon.

ACT 2 (2x04-2x06) – Recovery
I've edited these episodes so Ed + Stede are entirely separated from Izzy + the Crew. This gives the OTP space to work on themselves and their relationship. Likewise, Izzy has space away from Ed to go through his arc of self-discovery and consider if he wants to reconcile with Ed. Izzy and the Crew all get a chance to recover from The Trauma on their own, together as a community.

ACT 3 (2x07-2x08) – Reconciliation
Act 2 has given everybody time to process Act 1 and how they might come out of it as better versions of themselves and a stronger community. Now the OTP and the Crew reintegrate and, in the 2x08 climax, prove all their work has been worth it by fighting together against an external menace. (It's Hornigold. It's got to be Hornigold. This is so obvious to me.)

( Read more... )

Current Location: it's a fix-it specifically for ME

schmirius

Captain is there, as far forward as you can get – not even on the figurehead but balancing way out on the bowsprit clutching a line. He's staring directly into the sun. This is new. The stillness is new. Not the circling around to touch any little thing while giving orders; not him shaking out his arms and screaming at the sky with the men to start the day. What this is, he has no idea, but he does know a man shouldn't be one wave away from annihilation.

"Captain," he tries. The man doesn't even move. Louder: "Captain, hey."

Izzy tries, as he'd heard Fang say with affection: "Boss? Hey. Boss!"

Nothing.

"Teach!" he bellows. They'd all heard what Hornigold had called him. "Look. Teach!"

Finally, finally – he's still turned away, the sun must be blinding by now, but his shoulders finally shift a bit. "Edward," the captain says. His voice is wrecked. "Edward."

"Come away from there," Izzy says, trying to stop shouting now. Some muddled memory that you're not to shout at people like these. "Edward. I... you're needed. On deck."

Now he turns. His eyes are enormous, and it's plain he can't see a thing. Probably if Izzy gets him below decks and covers them for a few hours no damage will be done, but maybe not. No telling how long it'd been before Izzy'd found him. He knows before be sees it that the man is prying his stiff fingers off the line with no thought of what comes next. It's pure panic that makes Izzy shout, "Edward! Wait!"

Edward still doesn't blink but he laughs. Just a little. "Yeah," he says, with some great effort. "Mmmm."

So Izzy runs to where the safety harnesses are, fast, fast, not telling anyone why: and that's the first time he saves his captain's life.

schmirius

[cross-posted to tumblr]

Edward is crying, again. Sullen, resentful tears fill his eyes to brimming as he opens them wide as he can and holds them very still to keep the tears from spilling.

It’s because can’t figure out how to fix some little nothing, and he keeps working the problem harder and it’s apparent that it just keeps getting harder. At Stede’s gentle offer of lending a third hand, he grips it tighter while sliding down to the floor and letting his head knock into the wall. He cranes to looks at the ceiling, which just serves to give them a better view of his throat working as he swallows, still trying not to make noise.

Or: He’s in the right about whatever little disagreement they’d had, but he isn’t doing anything besides telling Stede over and over that Stede doesn’t understand, couldn’t possibly, and he seems to be stuck there, clenching harder and harder as his knuckles get white and his voice gets thicker before he finally says he has to find something in the hold.

He has a quiet hole somewhere down there, they know it—damp and rotten, far enough down that whatever sounds he might be making wouldn’t be heard against the waves—but they let him have it and don’t look for him. Izzy makes the whole crew practice complicated line-working “in case of storms” for about an hour, because they never want them to know outright what’s going on and start pitying Ed when he needs to come on deck now and again. They tell them he gets bad headaches, sometimes, and the sun hurts his eyes. If the crew want to talk about how Ed was truly, violently insane for those six months without Stede, with Izzy calling him only “Blackbeard,” they at least only talk about it among themselves.

Stede can’t offer him tea without the real sobbing starting, the shoulder-heaving kind he can’t bring himself out of. They can’t decide whether that’s better or worse than when Izzy quietly brings him a cup so the slow tears can roll while he holds the tea in both hands, hunched over it, letting the steam bathe his face while he sort of rocks himself on the window seat. It’s all very different than what Izzy knew before this, the dead silence and the endless monotonous puffing on the pipe. But the steady months that had finally come on the new ship and the thing with the three of them had brought a lot of changes, so it followed that this would change, too.

When they eat, they make sure it’s with him, and they make sure they get more than he does and finish it all so he can manage maybe half of his little serving of the same plain food. They can’t do anything for his sleep, and they don’t try, besides making sure Roach is the only one with the key to the laudanum. Edward can drink until he’s ready to curl up sideways on the sofa, wearing his day clothes but with fingers tangled in the dressing gown they carefully drape on the back of the sofa whenever the drinking starts.

Whenever he’s awake, he works, and tells them wonderful things he wants to do, dreaming of things beautiful and calm. But when he works on them he doesn’t know where to start, or what steps come when, and he gets very upset very quickly and the tears start again. But they can see that he wants: oh, god, he wants.

schmirius

[cross-posted to ao3]

Thanks to

shayvaalski, exceptional beta and friend. This story is for

se1ze, though they can't read it: bros under weird moons, governed by weird light.

Title from The Tempest, Ariel's Song, as he lies to a frightened shipwrecked young man:

Full fathom five thy father lies.
Of his bones are coral made;
those are pearls that were his eyes.
Nothing of him that doth fade,
but doth suffer a sea-change
into something rich and strange.

For those interested, there are content notes in the footer on AO3.

( full fathom five )

schmirius

One day, he's lucid enough to realize they're wrapping him in wool and good thick clothing. One of them wraps his arm around his shoulders and the other takes his arm firmly-- (how peculiar. Is that pale sickly thing part of him?) and they leave the stone and wood and plaster for someplace much colder.

There is something colorless and vast above him, and he stares hard at it when they get there. It's wide and empty and lonely, but the cold is the right sort, the sort that nips and reminds him he can feel without screaming. The two let him stand like that, head thrown back and eyes watering from the chill, for a long time. They're saying things to him like they always do, and their voices keep the white-gray-brown emptiness beautiful.

Something tiny soft quiet wet brushes his face, and he recoils.

One of them smiles and runs a warm finger over his thin cheekbone where it fell. "It's just snow, you know."

If he says it's safe, maybe it is...

They crunch their way back inside an hour later, and he sleeps without dreaming.

schmirius

https://archiveofourown.org/works/45593575

Inspired by Vic's art of Izzy cockwarming Stede in a carriage: tumblr / twitter, please go tell him how incredible it is

Huge thanks to Shayvaalski for their extensive support, notes, and cheerleading as the word count on this kept increasing.

If you're interested, there's more content notes in the AO3 footer.

( dressing down )

schmirius

"I think it's over, Izzy."

Izzy doesn't like the floaty quality of his voice. "With – with Bonnet, you mean."

"Mm, no, just – over." His hand waves. "Pshht. Like that."

He doesn't know what to say that he hasn't said already. They'd been in here a whole watch. He tries again: "I'll send for some food, you can't – have –"

"Marmalade," says Edward, and there's that distance again. One time he sounded like that for a month and Izzy had to keep bandaging up his wrists in the mornings.

But he wasn't asking for rum, or poppy, now. Marmalade. He's got to be fucking with him – there's pots and pots of the stuff everywhere already. But all Izzy says is, "Sure, boss."

Edward shifts on his back, stares up at his demented bivouac. "It's all there is."

Izzy sighs, gets ready to crawl backwards away from his mad sultan once more. "Get some rest, Edward."

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fic by schmirius

November 2025

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Sticky: HELLO

night watch [ed, implied ed/izzy/stede; 660 words, gen]

[kinktober '25] aftercare

[kinktober '25] wall sex

set strike // gen, ed, 17k // ch 1+2 of 8

set strike

tender (stede/ed/izzy, E, 3300 words)

The Little Mershark // au, ed/izzy, 18k // 4 of 4

The Little Mershark // au, ed/izzy, 18k // 3 of 4

The Little Mershark // au, ed/izzy, 18k // 2 of 4

The Little Mershark // au, ed/izzy, 18k // 1 of 4

okay but what if... a different ofmd s2

The three major acts in the season:

(ed & izzy, gen)

(lost ed, ft. izzy and stede)

full fathom five (ed & izzy, gen, 3400 words)

(no subject)

dressing down (ed/izzy/stede, explicit, 10k words)

(in the blanket fort)

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