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Kristen Arnett
106.6K posts
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Kristen Arnett
@Kristen_Arnett
writer, librarian, lesbian. dad. floridian. New York Times Bestselling author. MOSTLY DEAD THINGS & WITH TEETH & STOP ME IF YOU'VE HEARD THIS ONE
Orlando, FL
thelynxbooks.com/item/ZoOPMvNQh…
Joined August 2008
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  • Pinned
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    Kristen Arnett
    @Kristen_Arnett
    Feb 16, 2018
    everything is terrible so i googled "dogs being interviewed" and it helped
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    Kristen Arnett
    @Kristen_Arnett
    Feb 28, 2021
    me telling my computer i’ll update everything tomorrow
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    Kristen Arnett
    @Kristen_Arnett
    Apr 2, 2018
    this morning at 7-eleven i saw a lizard next to the coffee maker and the cashier said "no worries that's just marvin, he likes the smell"
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    Kristen Arnett
    @Kristen_Arnett
    May 2, 2022
    we left the airbnb and this is what the host just sent, i am literally in tears
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    Kristen Arnett
    @Kristen_Arnett
    Apr 29, 2022
    had a baby as a gay teenager and it was very hard, but here’s his first day of kindergarten and today was his last day of undergrad, he is smart and good and we are both very happy folks……… we did it
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    Kristen Arnett
    @Kristen_Arnett
    Nov 28, 2020
    congratulations especially to the little girl in her stroller this morning who pointed to my dog and proudly announced “pig”
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    Kristen Arnett
    @Kristen_Arnett
    Jul 20, 2024
    crouch like a gargoyle and wash my wife’s hair
    This post is unavailable.
    4.9M04.9M
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    Kristen Arnett
    @Kristen_Arnett
    Jan 2, 2025
    one of the great joys in this life is looking at your pets weird little teeth
    3.9M03.9M
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    Kristen Arnett
    @Kristen_Arnett
    Jul 5, 2024
    my wife: you look like you’re delivering the mail me: what do you mean
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    1.7M01.7M
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    Kristen Arnett
    @Kristen_Arnett
    Aug 23, 2020
    in extremely gay news my ex-wife and her new girlfriend are coming over to the house where me and my girlfriend are staying to drop off the dog that we share custody over
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    Kristen Arnett
    @Kristen_Arnett
    Oct 20, 2021
    man at this bar is describing in great detail exactly what a deviled egg is to his date, a woman who already told him twice that she’s had them before
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    Kristen Arnett
    @Kristen_Arnett
    Aug 10, 2019
    give em the ol razzle dazzle
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    Kristen Arnett
    @Kristen_Arnett
    Nov 27, 2021
    time for some seasonal decor
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    Kristen Arnett
    @Kristen_Arnett
    Jun 21, 2019
    went to board my flight and there was a guy sitting in my window seat and when i told him it was mine he said “but i want it” and if that’s not this whole fuckin country i don’t know what is