Pinned
Walking in the middle of Hampstead Heath, an American guy came up to me and said “hey, how do I get out of here?”, I said “well, that depends where you need to go”, and he looked at me like I was some fucking Alice in Wonderland character
Rory McCarthy
84.6K posts
Rory McCarthy
@roryisconfused
Hell, I love everybody
- “I’ve yassified her to maintain anonymity” oh my godA lady at the airport brought her own personal tube of mayonnaise. I’ve yassified her to maintain anonymity but she’s my hero.
- At the pub, a guy has shown me his list of potential names for his band
- You’re not supposed to like them??Trump has named March Irish-American Heritage Month. “They’re a great people. And they voted for me in heavy numbers so I like them even more. You have to like them. You know, you’re not supposed to but you have to like them.” Follow: @AFpost
- One time I got mugged at knifepoint by two guys and I found myself saying, first and foremost, in reaction to seeing the knife, for reasons that are absolutely beyond me, “now hold on a minute there compadre.”said "bob's your uncle" in an interview today. what the fuck i dont say bobs your uncle. ive never said that phrase in my LIFE
- I remember a physical fight breaking out on the playground because someone kept insisting they’d actually brought Stephen Hawkins in to do the vocals for this23 years ago, Benny Benassi released 'Satisfaction'
00:00 - I like in old movies when actresses are like “oh you stupid man! Oh you stupid, stupid, stupid man!” between passionately kissing the stupid mani love when actresses whisper “get out” and then yell “GET OUT”
- The only thing I can confidently predict is that the guy who shot at Trump is going to have the most baffling political views you’ve ever heard
- Memories from 2015, when my mum’s Christmas present was the jumper I was wearing
- The real life metatextual twist here is that avant-garde Marxist playwright Wallace Shawn was able to solve the financial woes of both himself and his revered short story writer wife by becoming the voice of the lovable dinosaur in the Toy Story films
- The best kind of photo is when a cheeky cat has stolen a fish
.@katyperry Katy, what the hell were you thinking when you married loser Russell Brand. There is a guy who has got nothing going, a waste!- Ohhh everyone’s getting lead poisoning again. That’d be it, that makes sense.
The devices, popular among teens, emit lead, nickel and antimony at concentrations that may exceed cancer and neurological risk thresholds. sfchronicle.com/health/article… - She’s the female equivalent of Robert Pattinson vis-a-vis ‘this ethereally hot person is completely insane, how delightful’, someone should put them in a film together where they’re just unbelievably beautiful and totally berserk for a good hour and a halfwill always be one of her most chaotic moment on the red carpet
