The Psycho Meltdown

 

I was up super Early again and got everything done before 5:00 a.m. this time!  In the Morning Sunlight tho' I caught sight of myself in the Truck Sun Visor Mirror while driving Princess T to Work, The Son came along coz he needed something from the Convenience Store.  When he came out, I asked him why none of them had told me I was growing a very sparse but evident Platinum Blonde Soul Patch and a hint of a Mustache!!!  OMG, in the direct Sunlight it was glaringly obvious, but he said until I said something, he hadn't even Noticed, now he couldn't Un-Notice it.  *LOL*  We were laughing but I said, that's gotta go, I gotta Shave that shit off, its ridiculous, our People don't even grow much Body or Facial Hair, not even the Males, so, this is Crazy!!!  *LMAO*

The Man claims he didn't Notice it either, but I wondered how many people had before I finally did!?   Shudder!!!  I looked like I might be Transitioning from Female to Male!  *Bwahahahaha*  My Eyelashes and Eyebrows have virtually disappeared in Old Age, I started to have Hair Thinning on Top of my Scalp and take Supplements for that now so I don't go Bald on Top and yet still have thick Dreadlocks down to my Ass around the Parameter *LOL* ... so WTF is the Facial Hair shit sprouting suddenly when other Hair is disappearing... really?!?  Mebbe my Hair Growth Supplements, tho' intended for Females, is causing it... or mebbe just Old Age and a complete dump of any Estrogen I still have left, I dunno?!  I do get Angry and Aggressive a lot more, like a Man!  *Bwahahaha*

The Daughter has her Housecleaning Job in Chandler this Morning, earlier than usual, which is Fine, we'll be back earlier then too.  I'll probably hit the Antique Mall "Merchant Square" again and some Shops out in that Area while I wait for her.  She's usually there for Four Hours so I always eat Lunch out there and save her half of it for when she gets off.  I'm getting more Familiar with that area now, the sequence of the Streets and which run parallel to each other, or don't.  They've had a lot of Freeway Closure since they're doing major Construction on it, so you almost have to learn the Surface Streets so as not to get lost when you're diverted and Detoured off the Freeway and aren't familiar with the area.  Sometimes I don't even know which direction I'm facing, coz Oddly, tho' this Truck has way more Tech Gadgets than any other I've ever Owned, it doesn't have a fucking Compass in it, which all the others had so I'd know which direction I'm heading or facing!

So, The Man gave me a portable Compass in a Leather Case to take with me.  So I don't get discombobulated when Detoured as Freeway Closures aren't always well defined by ADOT, until up ahead, the damned Off Ramp is Closed or the whole Freeway is for Miles they happen to be working on it!!!   They should be required to put up more Signs, more in Advance of where Closures are, to more smoothly divert Traffic and allow you to get where you're going.  What complicates things in Chandler is the Chandler Airport, so some Major Streets do not go thru due to the Airport and just Dead End, picking up on the other side of said Airport.  And, Chandler renames some Streets too from what the Streets are named in Sister Cities.  That's common on only some Streets in all the Sister Cities of Metro Phoenix that interlock boundaries.  When you're crossing Municipal Borders it's handy to know that!

Olive becomes Dunlap, Waddell becomes Thunderbird and then becomes Cactus, Apache Blvd. becomes Main St., Scottsdale becomes Rural, University becomes 7th St., Tatum becomes 44th St., Hayden becomes McClintock, Arizona Ave. becomes Country Club... and you've gotta commit that shit to Memory as you're coasting thru all the Sister Cities Municipal Borders and trying to find a specific Street.  Coz in Metro Phoenix Urban Sprawl, which is vast, about 200 Miles across now, all the Cities border on one another to where you can't tell which City you're in until you see the Welcome Sign at the Border of one as you're leaving another!   So I know the West and Southside way better than I know the East and Northside of the Valley, coz I've always lived West or Southside since 1974 and only ever Worked in the Heart of Downtown Central Phoenix at Bank Headquarters or the D.A.'s Office.   The Son has lived Eastside, and worked over there for Years, so he's way more familiar.  If I get Lost over there I call him.  *LOL*

One time I got so Lost with The Young Prince with me that he began Crying, called his Uncle, and said he wasn't sure we were even still in Arizona!?  *Bwahahahaha*  Turned out we had driven too far Southeast and ended up on a Reservation, which is the Gila River Indian Community!   Until I saw the Casino, I didn't get my bearings or could tell The Son where the Hell we were, coz I wasn't even sure which Tribe's Land we ended up on and they don't always have Street Signage on the Rez!?   Since everyone suddenly was definitely Indigenous, I was pretty certain we'd entered Tribal Land tho'.   And of coarse The Grandson was a lot more alarmed than me about it and asked me if I was SURE we were even Allowed to be there?!  *LOL*  Yeah, but just don't get out of the Vehicle, and we should be Fine... says I, only semi-joking, coz some Tribes, especially the River Tribes, are very sensitive about Outsiders on their Land, which just made him Cry harder!  *Oy Vey, clearly not something to Joke about.*

Okay, so NOT really Funny Ha-Ha, but with my very Morbid and Dark sense of Humor, that time The Man and I were on the Rez and he found that Human Jawbone, that we turned in to the Tribal Police and then the Feds, he did ask me if it looked like it was the remains of a White Person or not?  *Bwahahaha*  Well, it definitely looked like a Traumatic Event by the condition showing a lot of Trauma of what was left of her, of a Young Female, the Teeth indicating to me, likely an Indigenous Female. {Shovel Shaped Incisors, a Genetic Trait of many Indigenous Indian Tribes and some Asians}  Tho' that was truly extremely Tragic to Find, The Man only semi-joked that he was kinda relieved it wasn't the remains of the last White Person that strayed too far into the Rez there.  *LMAO*

  And, frankly, it's what the Tribal Police and the Feds told us too!!!  That particular Tribe and Area being very prone to finding Human Remains of Homicide Victims that they find almost Weekly they said!   OMG, that often?  Yep, they said they had Nine Open Cases just that Week, this Jawbone would make 10 now!  Fuuuuuuck!  Needless to say, we no longer even drive thru that area!!!  *Smiles*   Even the Feds, while trying to find the rest of her, and having us take them to where we found it beside the Road, had 12 Guys, half of them Tribal, saying they'd never go with less than that amount of backup!  *Blink Blink*  The Niece {whose no actual biological connection}, goes to the Rez Casinos to play Poker all of the time, so I gave her a Heads Up about the Dangers we were told of by the Feds and Tribal Police we met that day.

 Even for there in Oklahoma and Texas where she is now living, just to be more Careful while visiting Reservation locales and only get out of the Car AT the Casino and where Security is present!  She promised me she would.  Even on my Dad's Rez I always had a Family Chaperone with me who Lived there and belongs to the Tribe.  And based on how many Episodes of "48 Hours" I've seen based in Oklahoma now, I think Off Rez is just as fucking sketchy!  *LOL*  And, I have been to Oklahoma and Texas, so I cannot say I am Surprised about that really.  I have Relatives and Friends living in both States, all of Dad's Relatives still on the Rez there, but, I wouldn't Travel alone to either... especially the smaller Rural Towns and areas.  Rural America can be like a whole other World... sometimes a whole other Planet... to what I'm used to having lived either on Military Bases or Urban Areas most of my Life now.  *Smiles*   And to be Fair, Rural Folk tell me that about The City.  There are profound differences you definitely Notice if you've Traveled extensively, not just Abroad, but here within the U.S. too!

LATER:  We're back from The Daughter's Housecleaning Job in Chandler.  I just putzed around some Shops and had Lunch, I didn't make it to the Antique Mall again over there, which was fine.  I found a big "Barnes & Noble" Bookstore, Two Stories, biggest one I've seen, so I bought my "Where Women Create" Magazine while I was there and a Canvas Pencil Sized Make-Up Bag with Ferns Botanicals on it to put spare Change in, which I keep in the Truck.  The one I had before, the Zipper broke, but I was being Anal about what I wanted as Graphics on the Bag, coz it matters to me.  *LOL*  "Barnes & Noble" had the better quality Make-Up Bags, sturdy Canvas, nice selection of Graphics, sturdy Zipper, so it should last.  Yes, it was more spendy, but I have my Store Discount Premium Member.  Plus they gave me $2 Off a Starbucks Iced Coffee for the "Starbucks" Cafe' they have in each Store.   It was really good for $3 for a Large Iced Caramel Coffee.

The only other thing I bought while out was some imported Caramel Flan and some Bird's English Custard from "World Market" marked 55% Off.  I like looking around Import Stores and looking for a replacement Make-Up Bag was my Mission Statement for the day.  I Passed on so many, either not the right Size, or not the right Fabric, or, I Hated the Graphics or they had no Graphics.  "ROSS" had some nice Ed Hardy ones at a great Price with great Graphics, but too big, or too small.  I liked what I ended up with in the end.  Online some went for far more Resale secondhand than I Paid for mine in Store, and they only had Two of that Graphics of Ferns left, so it must have been one of the more Popular ones. I had wanted to go back to our Downtown Antique Mall and Score this Brighton Canvas Tote {Front & Back Pictured Below}, I'd waffled on Buying it last time, so of coarse it had Sold.  *Le Sigh*

I like Brighton's Line of Canvas Totes and own about 3 already of 2 different Graphics, one being a duplicate Graphic.  And since I got all of those at Chazzas of coarse I was spoiled at having Scored them ridiculously Cheap.  The one at the Antique Mall was 75% off Retail Cost but, still, I was foolishly thinking, I don't wanna Pay that!  *Eye Roll*  You get stupidly ridiculous like that when spoiled by Thrift Prices sometimes.  *LOL and Le Sigh*  Yeah, I could Score it off E-Bay, but then I'd be stuck with Postage Costs coz nobody offering one is throwing in Free Postage and some Sellers inflate Postage Costs too.  The Brighton Bags at Auction are Priced all over the place as well, to reasonable and into the stratosphere ridiculously priced.  I know what the Bag Sold for Retail, I would never have Paid that in the Wildest of Dreams tho'.  It's a Canvas Tote after all... I'm not so Brand Loyal or Impressed by any Branding to overpay for it.   So, anyway, no Brighton Mermaid Bag then for me.  *Pouting*

Statistically speaking, and you know I'm a Stats Fanatic, I realize that my Nostalgia laden Topic Blog Posts are a bust, they flop and fall flat in Readership.  After all, it's MY Nostalgia, not yours, so I think it probably Bores anyone not connected to the Memories.   But, I enjoy Writing them so much, for myself, that I'm gonna keep doing them anyway.  So there! *Bwahahahaha*   I know the Psycho Venting and Ranting goes over so much better to attract interest, but I can only be Psycho and on an Epic Rant so much before The Family gets overly concerned I'm close to The Edge.  *Winks*  No, NO... but Listen, my Blog Readers LOVE it, is just not gonna convince them it's a good Space for me to Hold or them to Witness up close and personal.  *LMAOROTF*   The Psycho Meltdown is so Popular tho', my Stats soar and to prove that I'm Titling this Post The Psycho Meltdown... it will be madly Read.   I'm not actually having one, so you might end up disappointed about that... shit, dammit, she's just proving a Point *winks*, but, it will drawn you in just in case I was, Right?  *Bwahahaha*

Above is The Young Prince, Presenting as a Princess, in one of his Old TikTok Videos.   "She" can be Stunning and look so much Like their Mom, more than their Sisters do actually.   When borrowing Mom's Clothes, The Daughter jokes that they look better in them than she does, and Prettier too, that's so NOT Fair Mom!!!  *Smiles*   I was very Surprised recently at something my Grandson told me tho', since, even as a Toddler he always told me he Felt more like a Girl than a Boy and didn't ever Feel like a Man after Puberty, which, he wasn't sure he was truly Male... or truly Female... and so Presented as Dual and Fluid Gender.  What my Dad's People would call a True Two Spirit Person, which Indigenous revere and think is an Elevated State of Being. 

 Often the Two Spirit would be inclined to be Shaman and transcend any Gender Roles or do each equally, or choose one or the other, with it being a total Non-Issue within the Tribe.  Only Christian Missionaries exposure made the Two Spirit Being into something Negative and forbidden.  Anyway, what he told me that Surprised me, is that after turning 25 he's now Feeling like a Man for the first time ever!!!  I had noticed him becoming much more Muscular, acting more Masculine, his Voice has deepened, he began finally able to grow a scant amount of Facial Hair, and behave more like a Regular Guy.  I hadn't said anything about it, just Notice, even his Uncle had mentioned that when Working Out with the Weights out Back, his Nephew could now press more than he can and is getting really strong and buff.  He even began thinking he could get involved with a Woman seriously.  So, could be a Hormonal Testosterone Shift happening in his mid-20's that didn't happen beforehand, I dunno?  It's Interesting.

Which, then led to another conversation I had with his Mom, The Daughter, on our way Home from her Job in Chandler, which, is a long drive so we have some scintillating conversations sometimes.  Okay, so sometimes they border on absurd and aren't so brilliantly clever, intensely captivating or literally sparkling with Light... but, they ARE still Amusing!   *Winks*   We were talking about The Young Prince's recently swing to Manliness... and my recent outbreak of Platinum Blonde Facial Hair, I literally had the beginnings of a fucking Soul Patch and slight Mustache!!!  *Arghhh!*   And so we Mused, mostly in Jest, but given how Aggressive and Angry I've become this late in my Post-Menopause Journey, that perhaps that "Mass" they Speak of Medically, what if they're just me growing a Pair of Testicles up in there?!  *Bwahahaha*  

Well, we Laughed for Miles, we couldn't Stop Laughing, Tears streaming down our Faces.  Her saying, "Well you've always had the outward behavioral appearance and demeanor of having a bigger Set than most Guys, Mom!"  Mebbe they just never dropped down then?  Yes, it was a Silly Theory on Purpose, coz we Roll like that about Serious stuff quite often, in a totally inappropriate way, according to most people anyway. *LMAOROTF*  And after I told her about that Poor Medical Tech having to tell me of said "Mass" over the Phone and fumbling for Words when I had absolutely no Reaction at all to Worse Case Test Outcome News, her then saying it just might be Intestinal Gasses... the whole Big Fart Theory had been equally hilarious to us.   A Big "Mass" of Flatulence, a Set of Testicles... well, any of that would be better than something else really, that could be malignant, so, why not Muse about a better and more Comedic Theory of what the Hell it could be, no matter how Absurd and Silly, Right?

In Real Time Today is Father's Day, Yeah, I'm that many Unpublished Posts ahead again, about a Dozen actually.  I'm leaving some that follow a Nostalgic Post Unpublished longer, making you have to then Read the less Popular Posts dammit and not just skip over them!  *Winks and Snickers*  I'm also having Fun with the Political Memes coz some hilarious and brilliant ones are hitting my Algorithm Feed lately, so, gotta Share those too, no matter if everyone is weary of Political Satire, I'm diggin' that too!!!  *Winks*  Yep, Nostalgia and Political Satire lately are fucking Sustaining me, so, I'll be heavy on both in order to keep my Head on Straight and so... Fair Warning about the direction some Posts will continue to lean into and be heavier on than usual my Friends.  Coz if I tip over into Insanity I don't know you can Blog effectively hugging yourself in a Straight Jacket?!   Do they allow Laptops in a Padded Room BTW, just asking for a Friend?  *Bwahahaha*

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Holding onto a semblance of Sanity... well... sorta... Dawn... The Bohemian

History From Unique Perspectives & Experiences

 I've got the Three In The Mornings, so... let's keep these Dozen Unpublished Posts going, shall we?  *Bwahahaha*  The Daughter apparently has the Three In The Mornings too, I ran into her coming from the Kitchen and we scared the shit out of each other unexpectedly.  *LOL*  She's got another cleaning job in Chandler in the East Valley again later this Morning, so I'll be her Uber Mom Driver again.  *Smiles*  Since it's Father's Day on Sunday, both The Son and The Daughter wanted extra Work to be able to indulge their Dad.  He doesn't like Money being spent on him so they have to insist, he knows neither of them has much Money so he just doesn't expect it spent on him.  But, they really want to, so I told him to be Gracious about accepting what they wanna do for him for Father's Day. 

 They enjoy Honoring him and appreciate him being in their lives and Raising them all as his own.  A biological connection isn't always the closest one.  Above is one of the Young Prince's Art Creations he Gifted me with coz I Admired it and wanted it.  I made a financial "Donation" towards his Art Supplies.  Mostly coz Greed was fucking wearing some of my Favorite Earrings!  *Gasp! Oh No!*  He called the Piece "Greed", the Chain representing the Heavy Anchor that it Creates in the Lives of those consumed by it.  The Blocking of the Mouth and Eyes representing it's all they See things thru or Talk about when Greed is their virtual Existence now.  I thought it was a very Clever Representation of Greed and those debased by it.  BTW, in case you were Curious and Wondering, The Bong is his, I don't partake.   Being I'm a Dreadlocked Old Hippie, few Believe that Truth, which always Amuses my Family, coz, it's True, I don't, and except for The Man, they all do.  Tho' he did have the now infamous Brownie Incident caused by The Grandsons.  So, Grandpa is no longer Allowed to have their Brownies!!!  *LOL*

 Usually the Oldest Daughter, who lives back East and is his biological Child, won't remember to even Call him for Father's Day, unless I prompt her.  Which, I don't do anymore, if you can't remember on your own, oh well.   I can't even recall the last time she sent him anything for any Holiday or Special Day you'd Honor a Father.   But, since his Dementia set in, and he hasn't seen her in almost 30 Years, and we hear from her so infrequently, he doesn't even remember we have an Older Daughter.  He doesn't remember her Children or Grandchildren either, becoz they're not here.  He doesn't remember the Grandchildren and Great-Grandchildren we have in Mexico either.  So, for him, if you're not a part of his everyday Life now, you don't exist to him anymore.  Which might be better for him than remembering being forgotten by any Family he has.  That's how I Feel about it, some Family choose not to be close, or can't be close due to distance and circumstance, it happens.

He will sometimes do Face Time on Video Chats for a bit with the Grandkids in Mexico, who call fairly often and do try to keep in Touch. Even tho' they don't speak or understand English and he knows no Spanish.  I know Kitchen Spanish and some Spanglish, so can slightly communicate better, The Daughter translates for us.  *Ha ha ha*  They at least desperately want to get to know us and had Hoped to one day come to the U.S. to see us in Person.  We don't know if that will ever happen tho' due to the Immigration and ICE Issues being so fucked up and scary... so I don't want them to even try to come here Legally, lest they end up in a Concentration Camp and Human Trafficked or something.  Too many Children and Adults from Mexico have been abducted by ICE already and held without Due Process and "Disappeared".  Nobody knows what's happened to them and we probably never will either. 

The Grandchildren and Great-Grandchildren who live in Pennsylvania, I am the only one with Contact they choose to have, and we do it all via Facebook.  I've never received a Call, and Gifts or Money Exchanges were from me when they all were not Adults yet.  Nobody ever got left out.  I've always made an effort to have contact and connect to them.  Even tho' their Mom was so sporadic about Contact, or sending Photos, or Calling and Connecting over the Years.  She was better at it as a Young Adult.  With her, if you're out of Sight, you are out of Mind.  Once the Grandkids were Grown, they could make up their own Minds about who they wanted Contact with, cultivate Relationship with, and who they didn't.  I was Okay either way and made that known.  Anyone who can walk out of or stay out of your Life, for any reasons, was never a part of each other's Destinies.  Doesn't matter if you're Related or not. 

I have "Family" who are no biological connection at all, even beyond associations becoming Family strictly by Marriage.  They started out just being Lifelong Friends who became like Family and thus ARE Family to us and we to them.  But who have been Closer all my Life and theirs, than some Blood Relations.  They are and become "Family" by Choice and we have genuine Investment in one another.  Listen, there are some Relatives I don't want or choose to be Close to either, so, it happens within biological connections or lack thereof.  I have Relatives I have never seen in my Life and wouldn't even know what they look like.  My Dad came from a very large Family and I only ever got to know Two of his Nine Siblings, his Oldest Brother and Youngest Sister.  There were Five of his Sisters and Two of his Brothers I never got to know or see.  The Two Brothers Died in Childhood, The Five Sisters were his Older Siblings that I just never met, only ever saw any Photographs of the Oldest one.  A lot of his Family were never even Photographed.

I saw an African Documentary recently that said something profound, it is said in Africa, when an Elder Dies, a whole Library is Lost.  I understand, since in Cultures with no Written Word or Books, Stories about Ancestry and their History are Told, so when those Elders Die, a lot is just Forever Lost now.  That's how it is on both sides of my Family, since both Parent's Cultures didn't have a Written Language.  I don't even know that some of my Dad's or Mom's Ancestors even had Birth Certificates or not?  I know when I did my Ancestry dot com, they couldn't find squat about not only my Ancestors on either side, but, had me as 21% "Other Of Undetermined Origin".  Probably becoz of the lack of the Written Word in our History and the few Photos that ever were taken or existed.  Much of our Lineage is speculated, even thru DNA.  I had Hoped that DNA would Solve some of the Mysteries, it did not. *Le Sigh*

 The Stories passed down to me by Elders varied so much.  So, I don't know how much can even be verified as accurate, or forgotten, fragmented, and embellished pieces of it over Time.  And Who was telling the Story/History of Family as known to them?   So, I've tried to leave a Trail in my Lifetime for Future Generations to know at least a little something, as far as it was known by me to be a Verbal Record passed to me by my Elders.  I've told them the accuracy is questionable, not able to be verified, probably ever, and a good Storyteller may have added what they did to any Story to make the Telling of it a better Family Story?  I liked the Elder's Stories anyway, both sides tended to be excellent Storytellers and a lot of consistencies existed in those Stories, so, Truths tend to hold up over Time IMO.  And each Culture and each Generation has it's ways of viewing History anyway, from their unique perspective and experiences.

I'm usually just as Intrigued by whatever your Story was as my own actually.  I always Delighted in someone showing me their Family Albums and telling me their Family Stories.  I am that Rare Person that if you pop out your Phone to show me Photos of Family and Experiences that are meaningful to you, I am Interested and Honored for you to Share it with me.  Often complete Strangers have, and then if I happen to run into them again, they're Amazed I recalled the Stories, Experiences or People in their Lives, they told me about that time!!!  And then, if we run into each other often enough, we become Friends or at least situational Acquaintances that have some Meaning behind the contact we have with each other now.  I think that is Sadly lacking in Modern Society, everyone seems so disconnected and often so disinterested in one another.  No wonder folks are having perceived "Relationships" with their Non Human AI and Robotic replacements for actual Meaningful Contact with other Human Beings, that is lacking in their Lives and leaving a Void!  By Design we weren't meant to be Solitary as a Species.

I think Lonely or Lonesome Humans will seek out a replacement for Meaningful Human Contact if they are unable to have enough of it or are denied it.   And a lot of the Younger Generations don't seem to have the same connections as previous Generations did and took for Granted.  They're a lot more Solitary, sometimes by choice, often by just how Society has evolved and the reliance on Gadgets and Technology being what is the predominant Human "Connections" now.  Let's face it, even for my Generation, having a Blog, Instagram, Facebook or any other Platform that Connects us Online is our dominant form of Contact with the Outside World now.  I have more Meaningful Exchanges here in the Land of Blog now than I do in Real Life, coz, as a Retired but Full Time Unpaid Caregiver, I don't get out much anymore to have Contact with folks in Real Life very often, if at all beyond Family and their Closer Friends who come to our Home.  Most of my Friends have Passed Away or Moved Away now.   So, Technology Connects me with the Living, and Memory Connects me with the Dearly Departed.

Now I don't even pull as many Shifts at the Antique Mall to interact with Co-Worker Friends and Customers, some of whom have become closer if they're Regulars.   Places I frequent often 'Know' me now and we always have Social Exchanges every time I am there.  They often tell me all about themselves voluntarily coz I show Interest.  Mebbe I know more about them than folks they are Friends with that they've never told these things?  Sometimes I've been Shopping, Eating, or Visiting certain Locations for Years and didn't even realize how meaningful those Exchanges were with some of the People.  When COVID hit and I was MIA for damned near Two Years everywhere, to stay Safer and have less Exposure, when I finally ventured out again some of those People got super Emotional when they saw me again, thinking I had gotten the Rona and Died!!!  I'm not kidding, there were Hugs and Tears, it was very Touching and Sincere, but so unexpected, we had only Situational Exchanges, like here on the Blog.  It's not like we did Lunch together or went to each other's Homes ever.  My Granddaughter's Young Co-Workers Hug me and Talk every time they see me.  I Feel like their Surrogate and perhaps "Favorite" Grandma... or at least "Favorite" Customer  *Winks*

Hey, I Like to Think I'm everyone's Favorite, what can I say?  *LOL*  But, if I didn't go Shopping, Eating Out, or to Events, I'd have very little Real Life Contact with other Human Beings beyond Family and their immediate Friends who come here regularly.   And when I do go out I tend to People Watch, and I see so many of my Generation Eating Alone and starving for Interactions, so, they end up talking to anyone and everyone, sometimes for too long when the Individual is Working and Politely trying to disengage so they can assist other Customers.  It makes me Sad becoz I find myself doing it sometimes just coz I haven't talked to anyone but Family in a Minute, and so when I run into someone I know anywhere, we Talk.  And I'm never quite sure, how much is Enough Conversation, and how much is Too Much, or perhaps even Too Little and cut short?  By me or by them?  As if I've almost Forgotten the Etiquette of Socializing Boundaries and Acceptable Behavior!!! *LOL*

I did finally download my Images from the last Adventure, so they'll be sprinkled among this and Future Posts now.  I ended up taking over 80 Photos, it was a good Outing with lots of Blog Fodder.  *Ha ha ha*  I Needed that, the Well was running dry otherwise on Imagery and Content.  *Smiles and Winks*  We gotta keep things Fresh and not Stale, after all!  Nothing worse than a Boring Content, I'm one to require some Sensory Stimulation of some kind, especially on the Visuals, I'm very Visual.   I'm one that would visit Wordless Blog Posts, Yes, such a thing exists with some Bloggers, not me, but some.  *Bwahahahaha*  If I spat out a Wordless Blog Post one day, I think you all would not recover from the sheer Shock of it, No?  *Winks*   What can I say, I'm still a Work in Progress...

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The End... Dawn... The Bohemian

Save The Panic For Legit Sh*t... And... The Son Turns 40!

Now that I'm keeping Hours like a Newborn Infant, I went to Bed at around 5:30 p.m. and woke at 3:33 a.m. the next Morning!!!   I've never been a Morning Person and during my Corporate Lives always worked Nights, so switching to being one has set my Internal Clock to some pretty Weird Hours of Sleep and Waking apparently!   I don't mind it actually, I'm allegedly Retired, so who Cares about the Clock anymore in Retirement?!  Tho' my Calendar sure doesn't look remotely like a Retirement Calendar should IMO, shouldn't there be Days with Nothing written on there?  *Bwahahaha*  I Wish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Today is The Son's 40th Birthday!!!  Goodbye 30's!!!  He's having more than a bit of a Midlife Crisis about it, 30 didn't hit him hard, but 40 is I guess.  He looks about the same, even Twice as Old in Photos {See Above taken about 20 Years apart.}... so I don't know why he's worrying about it.  Looking Good is the best Revenge against Father Time.  Tho' he does think it Creeper Worthy that the 20 Something Gals at Work say he still looks really Good and not as Busted as most Guys Old enuf to be their Father!  *Bwahahaha*   Kinda a Backhand Compliment and I Get the Creep Factor of a 20 Year Old thinking you're Hawt, when you are Old enuf to be their Dad!  He has no desire to be considered a Zaddy... or anyone's Dad.  Even when the Opportunity exists.  *Winks and Laughs*   I think perhaps becoz he's Lost so many Friends who Died prematurely, it does give one a sense of your own Mortality tho', even at Midlife, Old Age being a Privilege not afforded to many.  Plus, 40 is the tipping point in Employment, that's about when Employers appreciate your Experience and Wisdom less and they start thinking of Hiring folks half your Age, so the Workforce is more exploitable and less Costly.  Coz of coarse, Capitalism has it's Dark Side.

And thus we begin this Post with Gallow's Humor.  After my Bottoming Out Day, and now learning I have a "Mass" on my lower Left Quadrant, which sounds pretty Vague and Ominous... The Daughter went into a House Cleaning Frenzy for me, to Cheer me up.  Since, the messiness of my deferred Housekeeping and tendency to Cluttering up a Living Space, was out of Control.  Enough so that Caseworker Victor had said something about it, making me Feel really embarrassed.  If you missed THAT Post, well, he thought he was being complimentary by saying he had NOTICED that I had TRIED to Clean-Up!!!  Oh, Lord, his Notes must look like this Family are ALL Head Cases and Medical Cases!   Well, we ARE, so he'd be accurate at least.

So far Adult Protective Services hasn't shown up and I doubt they will, since, Placement for Six of us in One household would be a Tall Order for any Agency and they got Budget Cuts.  This Administration isn't keen on Funding for Social Services since it would provide less for them to Steal and Grift off of to enrich themselves.  So, pretty sure they'll keep saying they Notice, and hope we take that as enuf of an encouraging compliment I keep TRYING.  You Go, Girl!!!  *Bwahahaha*  Actually, Victor is a very compassionate and nice Young Man and Closed Out our Case... since... Funding.  The Man can't have his Cardiac Rehab and have Home Help at the same time, go figure!  *Shrugs... whatever!* 

So, chances are they won't be sending out a Team of Merry Maids either. Besides, I wouldn't want a bunch of Strangers touching my Stuff or Falling Out when they come in and see the Task before them.  *LOL*  And The Daughter gets Paid by folks to Clean their Homes, mostly of other overwhelmed or elderly folks... and she's Free to me, so it's working out Swell.  *Winks and Smiles*  She can make such short work of it I'm ahhhmazed and she told me it's not as bad as I magnify it in my Mind, she could be Right.  Usually even if I do it, then it takes me such a short amount of time, that I don't know why I had such avoidance, procrastination and Depression about how it had gotten away from me? 

Okay, so, on the Upside, IF I require a Major Surgery or something extreme for said "Mass", and The Daughter has this place spiffy beforehand, then I won't be up to messing it up again, Right?!  Every Cloud has it's Silver Lining and all that... so... we'll probably be just Fine.  I will be having the 2nd MRI soon to explore said "Mass", and had to Laugh when the Gal that had to drop the Bad News on me said, after she got NO reaction from me at all... well, a "Mass" could be anything, it could be Intestinal Gas!!!  And then I just Laughed, which, she wasn't expecting, I guess she had expected Hysteria of another kind, a River of Tears or something.  But thinking the "Mass" might be a Big Fart just Amused me.  And I'm not prone to Tears, I prefer Laughter in any Situation.

Listen, I'll take Flatulence over whatever alternative a "Mass" could be and it Lightened the Mood of getting Bad News.  Them calling about Nine times had been a Clue it wasn't gonna be Good News, so it wasn't such a big shock it wasn't.   And, we've had too much Bad News, what's One more anyway?  We'll just add it to the fucking big stinking pile of Bad News.   Whatever.  I can't even Feel anything about it one way or another, my Feelings have been on Pause or taken out of the equation a long, long time ago, in a place far, far away.  I used to Hate it when any Therapist or Shrink's main Go To would be "And how do you FEEL about that?"  *Bwahahahahaha*  As if that makes any fucking difference at all.  I'd rather Feel Nothing, Truth be told, about anything, it's easier and far less debilitating.

So, right now I Feel Nothing about the latest Bad News and just let my Family and Friends Feel it FOR me.  They did a very good job of getting very Emotional, so I didn't Need to.  I just comforted them instead, coz, I didn't Feel a damned thing about it.  I have been told I'm too Stoic, but my Dad was and I always Liked and Admired that about him.  I never saw my Dad Emotionally React to anything.  I'm not as good as him tho', I never saw him get Mad... I can Go Off like Dynamite in an explosion of Mad... I just don't Do Sad very well.  I was a Child that hardly ever Cried and I remember my Dear Mom thinking that so Odd she asked a Pediatrician if I even had Tear Ducts and could they Check?  *Bwahaha*  I do, I just don't Use them very much.  *Winks*

Besides, I've now Blogged about every bit of Bad News since 2009 so that's more beneficial to me than Tears... or Therapy.  I think I went to my Assigned Shrink the ONE time, after they sprung me from Involuntary Psyche Lockdown that time I had Extreme Caregiver Burnout and went Postal.  All other Therapy Sessions have been for The Family and their Mental Health Issues.   The Moment I realized, this Guy is not gonna be the least bit Helpful, I didn't even bother to make the follow-up Appointment.  Nor did they, since, Honestly, I felt it was pretty much performative in the first place.  You can easily fall thru the enormous Cracks in this Mental Health System, and if you choose to voluntarily go MIA from The System, and go Off the Grid, they never come looking for ya or remember who you even were. 

Look at every Mass Shooting Episode EVER to know that ALL those folks were once on The Radar, but fell off, and got Lost in The System.  Every fucking time, without exception.  The wringing of Hands and gnashing of Teeth only happens AFTER a Major Tragedy, they and their Families never really got Serious consideration Beforehand, or, most of that shit might have been avoided.  Mebbe not all of it, but some Help might have been Helpful, I dunno?  And it's why I talk about Mental Health and our shitty System of Dealing with it, incessantly, coz somebody has to.  But, they're not gonna pour Money into something, or People, they Care Not about, so I have Zero Expectations they will, ever.   And so here America now is... Forevermore.

It's Why I'd rather have something Physical going sideways than Mental, with Physical they take it Seriously and sometimes have Solutions or Cures and Fund Treatments better.  With Mental, you're just Screwed, Forever.  So, said "Mass", whatever the fuck it might be, has me far less concerned than if I Lose It Mentally again.   The difference in Hospitals you'd be sent to is profoundly different.  *Winks and Laughs*  Tho', I must say, Physical Ailment can creep up on you, Mental hits you like a ton of Bricks.  You pretty much know when Mental is getting Bad, with the Physical you can Feel just Fine, I Feel just Fine, wouldn't know anything might be Wrong at all.  And so, mebbe I am just Fine and it's just a Massive Fart?!  *LOL* 

Especially since I was Gassy Yesterday after that Call and so I'd end up Laughing every time, highly Amused, thinking, well, mebbe THAT one was said "Mass"?  *Bwahahahaha*  I am SO Glad that Young Woman said what she did.   Even tho' it sounded like she was just making shit up out of desperation and nervousness.  Thinking perhaps I'd Fainted on the other end of the Line when I had Zero Reaction to her Calling me with Bad News they'd Urgently tried for Two Days to tell me.  She expected me to Say something I think?  That's the impression I got.  So, she kept rambling until I stopped her and just said an obligatory, "Oh, Yeah... well, I did Schedule that other MRI you wanted then...", and got her off the Hook of making more palatable musings of what my "Mass" might be.  *Smiles* 

 After all, we don't know yet, so it would only be Speculation.  I do not Speculate... I rely on Proof and Evidence about shit.   If you don't confront me with some Proof or Evidence, then, to me, you have no Information I can intelligently Process as being Real or Valid yet.  And I'm Okay with that, you don't have to make shit up for me or Lie.  I'm not gonna have the Vapors over something Unknown and lose my Shit yet if it's all still a Mystery and you just don't know and I don't know either.  I think sometimes folks get hysterical and fall apart over things that haven't been substantiated at all and they run with low information or no information.  That can be problematic and be unnecessary hysteria and panic.  There's enuf to potentially panic about when you got solid Evidence and Proof.  So, Save the Panic for legit shit.

And now for some reason I got M.C. Hammer's 1991 "Too Legit To Quit" Lyrics running thru my Head... dammit!  *Bwahahahaha*  {I don't Quit, no, I just Press Harder... Too Legit, Too Legit to Quit...}  And now mebbe you do too?  You're Welcome!  Or... Sorry?  *LMAOROTF*  Moving On...  I was gonna make this Post short and sweet but I changed my Mind, clearly... ha ha ha.  I haven't even downloaded my Old School Camera's Pixs from Yesterday's Adventures, so I've just been using what I took with my Cellphone Camera, which takes really good ones and so I do use it more now than with previous Phones.  Whenever The Niece comes for another visit I've got to get her to download everything onto those devices from my Computer Photo Archives so they're Stored on something that will have a measure of preservation.  She bought the devices for me already, but I don't know how to use them without her Tech Jedi Help.  *LOL*  I am Tech Challenged... very much so in fact.  I know what I know and I don't know what I just don't know. 

And, at this Season of Life I think my Brain can only Learn so much more before it Crashes or is Full and no more Knowledge can be Input?   So I'm not inclined to try to Learn a whole bunch of new Advanced Technological shit.  It tends to short-circuit my Old Aging Data Banks in my Head.   I've now Forgotten so much of what I used to know that I think I had a Data Dump anyway?  And I'm Okay with that.  *Smiles*  BTW, you may have Noticed, or not, that I'm not Dumping Archived Posts as zealously anymore?  Why?  Coz I had a lot of PM Requests from Dear Readers that I was doing Post Purges too often and they couldn't Read fast enuf those that they'd missed out on.  So, now with the Stats showing me that, Yes, indeedy, the Archives are being Read with more frequency than I realized or paid attention to, I'll leave them up 'til the Views taper off considerably.  Who knew?

Since I was up so ridiculously early I got a lot done before 6:00 a.m., which is a Positive.  It hadn't even gotten Hot yet Outside and The Daughter also was up bright and early so she was doing some of the chores too.  Princess T almost overslept so I had to wake her at 6:00 a.m. to get ready for Work.  The Son has been getting some Full Time Hours which is good, his Boss relies on him a lot already, which makes him somewhat indispensable already even tho' he's a Newbie there.  He got a full 8 Hours Yesterday and will again Today, he's only Hired as Part Time so I think they may eventually put him on Full Time since he's shown his worth and value to the Company already.  He's already doing a lot of what the Freight Manager did, who quit, so they don't have one right now.  He did a lot of Freight Management for a Super Wal-Mart and a big Total Wine location locally, so the Dollar Tree is easy for him compared to those Stores where far more freight was coming in daily.  And we'll end with some Dark Gallow's Humor Political Memes for your Enjoyment:

 

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Have a Happy Summer my Friends and try hard to not let all the ongoing Political Fuckery and National Darkness wreck it for you... Dawn... The Bohemian