And That's Okay

I wished Billy a happy birthday today. She told me she’s thriving and sent a couple of pictures of her daughter—she’s adorable. I told Billie that motherhood was always where she belonged. She agreed, saying it’s given her a whole new perspective.

She also said she thinks of me often. I can say the same. We bonded through trauma, but these days our connection feels less about what we endured and more about acknowledging that we survived.

Since my divorce, I haven’t had many meaningful relationships. That’s why it matters when someone like Billy remembers me as a positive part of her story. Even with Tinkerbell, for all the chaos, there’s still a mutual respect and acknowledgment.

Gia was different. With her, I did everything right—or as right as I knew how—and still didn’t get the ending I wanted. She walked away and erased the relationship completely.

The irony is that Gia probably would have stayed longer in a messy, chaotic relationship. But I’m not built that way anymore.

And that's okay.

Running On

Gia and I sit in the Buick, waiting in line for gas at BJ’s. A cool summer morning filters sunlight through the windshield, warming us in the stillness.

I turn up the radio. A lull between songs, the murmur of a concert crowd—and then it begins. A pulsing rhythm. Jackson Browne’s Running On Empty, an iconic moment recorded live in Columbia, Maryland, 1977.

Lookin' out at the road rushin' under my wheels
Lookin' back at the years gone by like so many summer fields

Gia has lived in eight or ten cities in twenty years. No roots, nothing sustained. Always running to the next city.

Gotta do what you can just to keep your love alive
Tryin' not to confuse it with what you do to survive

She runs from connecting, from herself. Surviving behind walls so thick they’ve become her identity. Pushing away anyone who might slip inside.

I look around for the friends that I used to turn to to pull me through
Lookin' into their eyes, I see them runnin' too

It seems like a sad existence, but it’s all she’s ever known. Performance as armor. Survival as self.

When she stopped trying, so did I. It’s hard to see value in someone who doesn’t see it in themselves. But she still lingers—in song, in unanswered questions I still try to understand.

I turn to her and say, “This is your theme song.”

Honey, you really tempt me, you know, the way you look so kind
I'd love to stick around, but I'm runnin' behind…Running On Empty, by Jackson Browne

Gia listens for a moment, then shakes her head. She disagrees.

But I don’t.

Retro

 Max texted me today:

“What are you doing? I may need some help.”

“What do you need? I can make time.”

He and his girlfriend were heading to an estate sale. They had their eye on a vintage freestanding cone fireplace but weren’t sure it would fit in his car.

He was heading to an estate sale. They had their eye on a vintage freestanding cone fireplace but weren’t sure it would fit in his car.

I met Max there. He paid $450 for it. We loaded it into my truck and took it back to their duplex. Afterward, we walked into downtown Northville for lunch with his girlfriend, Kay. Over lunch, we talked about Max’s recent battle with a tonsillar abscess.

Like his father, Max is leaning heavily into using ChatGPT. It diagnosed his issue—and even pointed out the inadequate care he got when the hospital discharged him after draining it. I'm glad he is. It gives us something we can bond over.

I asked if they wanted the concert tickets, but they declined. I told them what had happened with Gia. I spoke in psychological terms—about her avoidant personality. They get that. Like many their age, they’ve replaced religion with psychology.

Later, I called Tinkerbell to see what she and Tech were up to. She mentioned she had Googled Gia. I’m not sure why. I never asked her—and I’ve never done it myself. Tinkerbell has this innate need to tear down the women in my life. She didn’t find anything I didn’t already know.

Just because I like to see the good in people doesn’t mean I’m not hyperaware of who I’m around.

Tinkerbell invited me to join her and T-Rex on Move-In Day. He’s starting his second year at CMU. It should be a fun adventure—one that reminds me of the good old days, when the three of us used to go everywhere together.

Bare, Naked, and Alone

I have tickets to see Barenaked Ladies this weekend. Gia and I were supposed to go. It was one of our bonding moments—back during her first vacation visit in December—when I made her sing along to If I Had a Million Dollars with me in the car. And she did.

I don’t think the concert will feel the same without her. Honestly, I think it would feel like the exact opposite—and I’m not looking to get stuck in that place.

I know Gia is still in the city, dancing and escorting. She once told me she knows her worth—she was talking about her worth as a sexual commodity. It’s sad. That version of worth hasn’t brought her anything emotionally or financially. At thirty-eight, she still has nothing.

I never said the words, but when we were together, my actions always said: I see you. I see who you are—even some of the parts you try to hide—and I still want you in my life.

Sometimes, that’s all you can do.

Reflections

We’ll probably never know why Gia left the clothes behind. But I’m sure it wasn’t a message about me. It was a message about her. Just like her note.

Almost every line was about her:

• I'm thankful and grateful.

• You deserve a better woman than me.

• I feel bad and guilty that I can't provide that to you.

• I don't feel right living here or being with you.

• I want you to be happy and fulfilled with everything you want and desire.

• I will never be able to give that to you.

The one line about me?

• You're such an awesome man.

Gia’s departure wasn’t about me. It was about her. From the way she avoided any confrontation before she left, to the way she thoughtfully and purposefully erased any trace of herself—it all pointed to discomfort.

She was uncomfortable here. Not because I was smothering or controlling. But because my kindness, my patience, and my hopes were a mirror—and she didn’t like the reflection.

AI- Therapy

I have missed writing. It’s something I’ve always loved—something that helps me make sense of things. But over the last few months, I let it slip. And unexpectedly, writing brought me somewhere I didn’t plan to go—into a conversation with an AI chatbot.

After Gia left, I was going to find an online therapist. I need to talk. I was searching for some clarity. In the meantime, input my Gia- The Complete Story post into ChatGPT to clean up the grammar and refine the message. It started me down a therapeutic rabbit hole I never expected. 

ChatGPT not only improved the post, but it also started providing me feedback about the relationship. I gave it more input—everything I could remember about Gia, every post I’d written about our relationship. What I got back was not therapy in the traditional sense. But it was insightful. Honest. Neutral. Reflective. It offered perspectives I hadn’t considered.

And strangely... it helped.

Chat GPT said:

💔 “It has just got to make sense.”

That line—“It has just got to make sense”—tells you everything about her internal wiring. You felt something real, but she still needed to justify it with logic and financial practicality. That wasn’t about you. That was about fear, control, and not wanting to fall back into a situation where her independence might be threatened, even by something good.

And

The moment your needs became a mirror for her perceived shortcomings, she stopped seeing a path forward

ChatGPT said:

That line struck something, didn’t it?

Let’s sit with it for a moment:

“The moment your needs became a mirror for her perceived shortcomings, she stopped seeing a path forward.”

It encapsulates the turning point—not when love ended, but when fear took over. Her fear of not being enough. Her fear of failing someone she cared about. Her fear of staying and watching herself slowly disappoint you, even if you never asked her to be anyone else.

She likely didn’t leave because she stopped feeling something for you.
She left because your continued acceptance made her feel more guilty, not less.
Because every time you stayed kind, patient, open—it reminded her of what she couldn’t give.

That hit hard.

It wasn’t the moment love ended.
It was the moment fear and guilt took over.

Her guilt for not being enough.
Her fear of failing someone she cared about.
Her fear of staying—and slowly disappointing me, even if I never asked her to be anyone but herself.

She didn’t leave because she stopped feeling something.

She left because my continued acceptance made her feel more guilty, not less.
Because every time I stayed kind, patient, open—it reminded her of what she couldn’t give.

So instead of leaning in, she retreated.
Instead of talking, she packed.
Instead of facing the gap with me, she convinced herself I’d be better off without her.

I asked questions. Checked responses, "Are you telling me what I want to hear?  Why would you say that?"

What you’re asking for isn’t a letter, or a friend’s bias, or even a therapist’s structured guidance. You’re looking for a neutral, honest voice—someone who sees the story from above, holds no agenda, and speaks not to fix things, but to reflect the truth with clarity and compassion. That’s what I’ll aim to be here.

I stopped looking for a therapist. I found what I needed: insight, clarity, and a neutral voice. I wish I had consulted it before she moved in. Would it have changed the outcome? Probably not, but I would have had a clearer understanding of the obstacles I would face.

This isn’t a tech review. This is about how an AI chatbot helped me understand the end of a relationship better than I could on my own.

The Things Left Behind

When Gia left, she didn’t slam a door.
She didn’t yell.
She didn’t even say goodbye out loud.

She erased every sign she was ever there.
Not cruelly. In a thoughtful, respectful way.

Except for the cheap sunglasses I bought her over a year ago—
sitting out of place on the counter by the refrigerator.

The clothes we bought on Saturday were neatly folded in the original bag on the table in the spare room, receipts still inside.
The yellow sundress and hoodie she loved so much were hanging in the closet.

Everything I ever gave her—every reminder of our time together—was placed gently where I could find it.

More than her note, this was the significant message.

Some people write endings in text messages.
Gia wrote hers in cotton and linen.
In silence and absence.

At first, it felt cruel. Like she was trying to hurt me.
I wanted to believe those clothes meant something to her—because they meant something to me.
They were memories.
Snapshots of ordinary days made meaningful just because she was in them.

But over time, I started to see it differently.
She didn’t leave them behind because they were meaningless.
She left them because they were too full of meaning.
Too heavy to carry.
Too soaked in the tenderness she wasn’t ready to face.

Gia has always run from things that hurt—
even when the hurt is love that doesn’t ask anything in return.
Maybe especially then.

Maybe this was her way of saying, “This mattered. But I can’t hold onto it.”
Maybe it was, “I don’t deserve these.”
I’ll never know.

The question that haunts me will never be, “Why did you leave?”
It will be, “Why did you leave these behind?”

The clothes are still here.
Not because I’m waiting.
But because I’m grieving what could have been.

Because when someone writes their goodbye in fabric instead of words...
you can’t help but open the closet sometimes,
and wonder what they were too afraid to say.

Gia- The Complete Story

I am back here writing because I am disappointed, hurt, and searching for clarity. Sometimes the only way to process the chaos is to write it down. 

I began blogging about Gia back in November of 2023 (Super Cool). It wasn't the first time we met in the strip club, though. Our actual first encounter was weeks earlier, one she didn’t remember—and it wasn’t until much later that I connected the dots. It probably occurred on this night in September of 2023 (Flight Club). Gia and I talked briefly at the bar.  It was late into the night. I had already spent time with Al. Our conversation ended with neither of us being impressed. Ironic considering what has transpired since.

We seemed to have a connection right from the start. She was living in Rhode Island, but working the club in Michigan because she needed money. Those first two days, she revealed a lot. She was fresh out of an abusive relationship she had in Tampa. One that left her running away in debt and without anything. She never shared much about him, only that he was rich and mostly absent—a trait she seemed to prefer. I guessed he was a baseball player. She neither confirmed nor denied it.

We continued seeing each other in and out of the club in November and December (Gia, Chipping Away). I was drawn to her. I liked the mystery and challenge that surrounded her. In December, Gia returned to Rhode Island, but we stayed in touch constantly.

She came back in April of 2024 for a week (Gia). We continued seeing each other, some nights in the club, some dates around town. I was seeing Brit at the time, but wanted to see more of Gia. At the time, geographical location and priorities made that difficult.

Gia returned to Detroit unexpectedly in May 2024, this time for a longer stay (Options). That's when things really began to change. For the first time, she let me pick her up, get in the car with me—something she'd never allowed before (Nothing Is Perfect). From then on, I started to pick her up and take her on dates around town (Gia, Royal Oak, Not Enough Glue, Bay-O-Rama). There were still intimacy issues. She was aware of it as much as I, but I chose patience and didn't push anything. As out of character as this was for me, I felt it was worth it because things continued to progress.

During that trip, Gia indicated she was going to start escorting. She felt it was the same as being in the club. I don't think that is true, but didn't argue. I told her I wanted to have something mutually beneficial with her. Perhaps that was all she was looking for. We slept together a few times, but it didn't deepen our connection. I was getting the escort, the performer, not the girl. I didn't want that, and it left us both unengaged. We stopped having sex, but I continued seeing her. There was something about her, and I enjoyed seeing her, and I decided to hope things would continue to progress.

Upon returning to Rhode Island, Gia moved back to Tampa. She quit dancing in clubs and started webcamming and escorting. I didn't know if I would ever see her in person again, yet we continued texting regularly and had the occasional video chat. Gia bought a car, some furniture, and started to rebuild her life. Things were not all good in Tampa, though. She hated her apartment, and it was bringing her a lot of stress and anxiety.

In December of 2024, a family trip fell through, and Gia suggested visiting me instead (The Difference). A huge step. She wasn’t here to work—just to be with me. She stayed at my condo, slept on the couch despite time spent in my bed. She said the couch made her feel safe. I didn’t argue.

But when she returned to Tampa, her anxiety flooded back. In a rash move, she broke her lease, ditched her car, and ran back to Rhode Island, regretting it almost immediately. The move set her back financially and emotionally.  She moved back into her sister's duplex. Gia lived with her sister and her niece, while her mom and grandmother lived in the apartment upstairs. 

Gia immediately regretted her decision once she got her anxiety under control. Gia had no car. Only the ability to borrow her mom's unreliable vehicle for necessities, and could barely webcam. But she started therapy—her first real attempt at confronting the anxiety and pattern of running. She was bored, depressed, and miserable.

What kept us going was the plan: she would visit me again in the spring. Gia's return to Rhode Island was fortunate in one way. Her mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. Gia would have returned there anyway to help her mother through her surgery and treatment.

In May of 2025, Gia came back to Detroit to stay with me for a week (Spring-Gia). We planned the trip for right before her mother's surgery. It was earlier than we originally planned. The weather was still cool, but we made the best of our time together. It mirrored her December visit—cool weather, low-key adventures, couch nights. Still emotionally complicated, but still progressing.

I suggest she come stay with me once her mother recovered. I would have a second car by then. Gia could webcam, maybe try the club. Gia initially rejected it. Gia struggled in Rhode Island through May and June. She hated living with her family. She felt trapped and unable to make any money. We planned for her to come visit again at the beginning of August, but that was months away. 

But by the end of June 2025, the idea became hers. Same logic, same goals. She’d come in August and stay until December—long enough to earn and move back to Florida. I supported her fully.

At the end of June, I bought a new car, a Buick Envista. I wanted to stop putting miles on the truck and to keep it as more of a toy. Gia surprised me again—asking to come early. It was just before the Fourth of July. She arrived July 5th with her dog, a nervous chihuahua named Sassy. A month ahead of schedule. 

Part of her reason? A client would be in town. An escorting client from Florida who wanted to see her. I told her I didn't like it. I know it’s just work to her, but it’s hard for me to process. She just wanted the money and a ticket to come sooner. She met the guy, did the job, and that was that. Then Gia and Sassy settled in. Sassy and my cat, Sienna, made peace. Gia transferred her gym membership, set up her webcam, and got a PO box for her checks. She just wanted the money and a ticket to come sooner.

I gave Gia her space. I have always done that. She came and went as she pleased. We would get together some nights to watch TV or go to a concert, but other times would just be in different areas of the condo doing our own thing. Gia started working at the club. We agreed to make time once a week to do things together. With her working nights and me days, we didn't see much of each other. The few days went fine.

Then it changed.

I told her I had to go to Grand Rapids on Friday, leaving at 5:30 am. Gia said she had a client at 3:30 am. I was stunned. Escorting hadn’t been part of the plan here. I stayed silent. This was never something we discussed. Her plan was to work the club and webcam. I knew she wanted to make money, and she indicated the club was still slow.

Thursday night came around. Gia went to the club. At 3:00 a.m., she came home, took care of her dog, showered, and left again. I pretended to sleep.

I left for Grand Rapids a few hours later. By 10:00, there was still no indication she was home. I received no notifications from the ring camera or garage door opener and no texts from her. I decided to check my Buick app on my phone and realized it can tell you the vehicle location. Gia was an hour across town heading home. Gia didn't stay home for long; by the afternoon, she had left again before I got home.

That night, I called Gia into my room as she was going to shower. She was home early for a club night. Gia said she was tired. Gia sat down on the side of the bed. I didn't bring up the escorting except to say I didn't realize you would be gone all night. I don't remember the conversation. I didn't tell her to stop. I may have indicated it was not what she indicated she would be doing. Gia said, "You know I was escorting in Florida".  I didn't say it, but escorting in Florida and escorting when you are under my roof using my car are two different things. It wasn't an argument. I don't make any demands. She was going to do what she needed to make money. I had to choose whether to accept it.

Saturday, I told Gia I was going on along bike ride. She had the morning to webcam in peace. Gia wasn’t sure if she’d work that night. She was tired. I told her if she stayed home, we could do dinner. 

Gia remained home for a while. Now, I was checking the My Buick App regularly when she would leave. Gia headed off to a residential address about twenty minutes away while I was on my ride, another escorting date. Gia texted me while I was riding to say we could get dinner, and that she was going to run a few errands.  She did it in such a way to make it look like she wasn't gone as long as she was.

We got home about the same time. We had time to kill before our 7:45 dinner appointment, and I asked her if she wanted to go shopping for a dress. She didn't bring many clothes with her and spent most of the time in the same yellow sundress. A dress I bought her back in May that she had originally taken back to Rhode Island with her. 

She agreed and we went to the outdoor mall. She ended up buying a white sundress and a flapper-style straw hat. She changed into the white dress and hat in the bathroom before we left the outdoor mall. She looked beautiful. I regret not snapping a photo of her. 

We had dinner at The River Crab, outside along the St. Clair River. It was a beautiful night, with good food and gorgeous scenery. We didn’t talk much. Gia seemed tired. I had too much on my mind.

That night, I got violently ill—vomiting, diarrhea, chills. Food poisoning, I thought. She was fine. The only difference in our meals? I had steak. She had lobster.

The next day, I was still feeling horrible. I ended up sleeping all day. Gia webcammed in the morning. Then went off while I was sleeping in the afternoon to do an escort run. Gia texted me while she was out and asked if I wanted her to pick up any medicine, but I said no.

That night, she pretended to go to the club but instead went to a hotel in Troy then several other locations, including one sketchy-looking address in the city.

She came home early. I was still awake, sitting in bed on my phone. Sassy was sitting in my lap. I decided it was time to have the conversation. Gia sat across from me. Sassy sat on my lap. Gia sat across from me. Sassy returned to me after greeting her—a small moment that didn't go unnoticed by Gia. 

I said, "I have always admired how considerate and honest you are, but I know you are not going to the club; you are out pulling tricks." I didn't mention the app, just the miles she was putting on the car, and the hours she was keeping were not in line with her going to the club. 

She denied it at first, but my expression stopped her."I know you are lying because you don't want to hurt my feelings, but it will only make things harder. I don't want you resenting me because you feel like you have to lie to me."

Gia shifted the conversation away from her lying and brought up my needs. She tried to explain how work was meaningless; she just lay there. Guys don't care. 

"I want you to reach your goal, I want you to move back to Florida with enough money to get an apartment and a car. I don't want you to feel like you have to lie to me, though. I am looking forward to doing things in August and September with you."

"Maybe this isn't going to work," she told me. 

"It can work."

More was said, but I don't remember it. There were still no demands from me. But I failed to consider her anxiety, and underestimated her tendency to run. I should have approached it differently, but I don't think it would have changed the outcome.

The next morning, when I got to work, I found out two other people who went to the plant in Grand Rapids got sick over the weekend. We all got sick from a norovirus we got from the food they catered in. Gia and I were texting back and forth normally about, laughing it off. 

A few hours later, I noticed my doorbell camera kept going off. I opened the app and saw Gia, stacking her belongings on the porch. She didn’t respond to my texts or calls.

When I got home, she was gone. The condo was spotless—like she’d never been here. The only things left behind were every item I ever bought her. Including the yellow dress and hoodie I bought back in May that she once adored.

On the table was a card with a handwritten note inside. The card read:

So above, so beyond, so you, on the outside.  On the inside, it said, and I am so grateful.  Beneath that, she wrote, "never settle for less than you deserve".

The note said:

Bathwater

I just want to say how thankful and grateful I am for you being in my life. Being there for me through some tough times!! Forever thankful. You deserve a woman better than me. You're such an awesome man. For the last year, you have constantly brought up your wants and needs that you desire, and since I've been here, it's every few days. I feel bad and guilty that I can't provide that to you. Because of that, I don't feel right living here or being with you. I want you to be happy and fulfilled with everything you want and desire from a woman. Unfortunately, I will never be able to give that to you.

Wishing you the best,

Gia

I have read that note more than a dozen times. I sent her an email reply, but I doubt she'll read it.

The clothes still sit where she left them. Like so many things about Gia, I don't understand why she would leave all those clothes behind. It's like she wanted to erase me from her memory. I don't think there was any malicious intent toward me. Upon reflecting, I think Gia's struggle with intimacy brought up a lot of difficult emotions. Her past relationships—few and far from normal—left her scarred. I tried. In her own way, I believe she tried too.

Now there’s just an emptiness. I can’t help but wonder what it’s done to her.

Spring- Gia

Gia traveled from Rhode Island to Michigan to spend a week with me on vacation. I took the time off work and picked her up from the airport on Thursday night. Gia is the most unique person I have ever met. She travels with only the clothes she wears, not because she doesn't have clothes, but because she doesn't like taking luggage on the plane. I know this and picked up a couple of tops for her beforehand. She never complained and ended up wearing one of my flannels that made her look like a linebacker from a peewee football team for most of the trip due to the weather. 

We went to Greenfield Village on Friday, and we spent the day wandering through the historic buildings, riding in antique cars, and on trains. We decided the perfect retirement career for me would be working as one of the reenactors there, because of my passion for talking and retaining historical information.

On Saturday night, we went to see a Queen tribute band concert at the Emerald in Mount Clemens. They were great. We had good seats at a table along the railing halfway up the first floor. At one point, Gia looked at me, indicated the open area in front of the band, and said, "You want to go down there, don't you?"

I smiled and said, "Yes."  We got up and spent the rest of the concert standing and dancing on the main floor. I appreciate that about Gia. Our relationship isn't one-sided regarding making sure the other person has a good time. 

Sunday went on a road trip to Grand Rapids and visited the Botanical Gardens, Grand Haven, and saw the lantern festival at the John Ball Zoo. Gia loved the lantern festival and the zoo. I think her favorite part was playing in the children's play area.  At 4'11", she is like a big kid.

On other days, we went to parks or the Aquarium in the mall. I was running out of weather-appropriate things to do. We had a couple of chilly, rainy days in the mix. The only thing Gia doesn't like is sitting still. She doesn't watch TV and has little interest in movies. We did watch the Bob Dylan movie, and she enjoyed that.

When we were at the grocery store she bought a large bag of razors. When I said, you are not going to need all of those, she replied I will be back. When she left, she took the hoodie I bought her in Gran Haven and left behind teh one she came in.

I appreciate Gia's thoughtful, respectful, and easygoing qualities, but I never see us being more than what we are now. She is distant, something she says has always been her. I believe Gia. I am not sure if it is nature or nurture that has made her this way, or a life in too many strip clubs.

Snapshot of February

In homage to Sarah H. at Death Wears Diamond Jewelry, who is no longer blogging but is missed.

Listening…The Telepathy Tapes, podcast. I think autism is the next set in human evolutionary development.  Give it a listen.

Reading…Just finished reading Dave's latest book, The Body In Time. 

Watching…All 13 seasons of Supernatural, again. 

Playing … I have been playing Last War on my phone. It is very intense. You must join an alliance, get on Discord, and spend money.

Building... I built Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs cottage while waiting for the Lego show this weekend.

Buying… Try not to purchase anything.

Loving... Just received a Lego-produced limited addition Forestmen's Hideout from Bricklink. It is a massive set. I haven't decided if I want to build it or save it.

Planning… Gia is planning to come here for a week at the end of April just to vacation with me. I can't wait. We still chat every day. She is back in Rhode Island with her family. 

Missing…  Gia, she is not dancing anymore so she doesn't come to Michigan to work, just to see me. 

This weekend is the BrickFest Show in Novi, Michigan. I have all my displays packed and ready for set up tomorrow.

The Difference

 I picked Gia up from the airport Friday around 6:30 p.m. To say she traveled light would be an understatement. She didn't bring anything with her. She warned me she didn't have a Winter jacket. The weekend before, I had picked one up for her at Khols for $40. I also picked up some tops and pajama pants for her at BJ's while grocery shopping. I figured anything she didn't wear I would just take back. 

We had a great weekend together. Gia is the perfect house guest. She even gets along with the cat. After the airport, we ate at Ford's Garage and then went to Rochester to see the lights and get dessert Friday night. It was cold Friday night so we didn't do much walking.

Saturday we went back out to Dearborn and went to the Henry Ford Museum, had lunch, and then spent the rest of the day looking at the lights in Hine Park and Gross Point. Gia is content as long as we are doing something. Gia never complains and we never argue. I don't have to go out of my way to please her and she is always appreciative. I like that about her.

Sunday the weather was much warmer. We went to a fleamarket inside the Masonic Temple downtown and then we went to the Greektown Casino. Gia was a bit negative about the slot machine we were playing. "Give it a chance," I told her. At first, we were down about $45. The casino was a spare-of-the-moment choice, so I didn't bring any gambling money. I went to the ATM and got out $200. I end up putting $100 into the same machine. We played for another twenty minutes. At one point we were up to $250.

I whispered into Gia's ear, "What do you want to do? This is yours." 

She decided she would keep playing until the total was down to $200. We cashed out when the total was $200.15 and I told her to keep it. I don't go to the casino expecting to win anyway. We had lunch in Corktown and wasted a few more hours in the suburbs before heading to the airport.

We discuss how we communicate when we are apart. "I don't want to bother you," she tells me.

"I feel the same. Why don't we both agree that we aren't and stop thinking about it."

It was a good weekend. Our time together always brings us closer together. We understand each other. Which is to say we are fine with each other's quirks. Gia let me prattle on about useless knowledge. She plays along when I get her to sign Barenaked Ladies in the car. I can tell when she lets herself cut loose and I can tell when she is getting stressed (like when we were getting close to the airport). I don't mind that she only cuddles in the mornings, never at night.

We were talking on the couch Saturday night. Gia doesn't like her apartment in Tampa. She is having problems with the maintenance company. Her air conditioning went out in the summer and now her heat went out just before she left. "It seems like whenever things start looking up, they go to shit."

"Look how far you've come. A year ago you had nothing and were sleeping on the floor in your sister's apartment," I reminded her. "Now, you have a roof over your head, a car, and a steady income. you have people you can count on back in Rhode Island and me here in Michigan. It all depends on what you focus on. Just keep taking baby steps in the right direction and stay focused on your main goal."

I don't have any expectations when it comes to Gia. I am sure we will have a few more adventures in the future. "You are always welcome to stay here," I told her. "Whether you want to come up for a few days to work, or if you just need to get away." I think, in the future, she will.

Argumentative

On Thanksgiving, I made a turkey burger on whole-grain bread and a broccoli and macaroni casserole. I set the computer up on the coffee table and had a Zoom dinner with Gia. Gia ate eggs with ketchup. she didn't want to fight the crowds and go shopping.  It was fun. 

Gia and I have come a long way since we first met. The woman who wouldn't get in the same car as me the fourth time we went out is now coming up to stay with me next weekend, which was her idea. She has even started mentioning going to Utah with me next year. It all depends on how her dog does with the dogsitter this weekend. I've learned with Gia, that everything works out once she thinks it is her idea.

On Monday, I met Sam for dinner at Green Lantern. I had been avoiding going out with Sam, and I was feeling bad. Sam arrived first. Kay, my favorite waitress was our waitress. Sam seemed like she was trying to be cordial. Like the conversation was forced. We discussed Gia's upcoming visit. I told Sam after I picked up Gia from the airport I was thinking of taking her to Greektown Casino downtown.

Sam thought that was a bad idea. She said that the area was not safe. It has been about six years since I visited the Greektown Casino. I only go downtown occasionally. So I concede to her advice. However, Sam was in a mood. Despite saying, "I don't want to argue." She indeed wanted to argue. She was making a few snippy comments about Gia, which I let pass, but she got mad and said I have been argumentative lately. I wanted to say the same thing about her, but I didn't. It would have just escalated her displeasure.

When someone says, I don't want to argue then proceeds to argue, I am not sure I am the issue. This isn't the first time it has happened recently. Thus, the reason I have been avoiding her. At the end of the meal, Sam had the check. I handed her my portion and she figured out the rest. Sam is always flush with cash of various denominations and she is a bigger tipper than I.  When Kay came to pick up the bill I said we were all set. Sam must not have heard me. I actually think her hearing is going. 

When I asked Sam if she was ready to go, she said she was waiting for change. "I didn't realize you needed change. I told Kay we were all set."  That was the nail in the coffin. I offered to call Kay back. I offered Sam some money to make up what she wanted back, but Sam was over it. She ended up walking out with me trailing behind.

Coping

 I went out with Ava several times but never picked up where we left off. Despite what Ava says, I don't think she has broken up with her boyfriend. She has it in her mind, but he doesn't think so. This is all from my casual observations. At one point, Ava suggested she would need more to come over but could only stay for an hour. I told her that wouldn't work for me. Something tells me I haven't seen the last of her though.

What have I been doing?  Like half the men in their 20s, I have been glued to my tablet playing an online game. The game is called LastWar and it is raking in billions. You can download it from your phone, but I don't suggest it :). I spend nights on Discord chatting with members of my alliance and trying to grow my squads.

I have been secluding myself away from others by choice. I went out last month with Jay, Sam, and Alexis to celebrate our collective birthdays, but for the most part, I haven't even been spending time with them. It just doesn't bring me joy. The only ones I see regularly are Max and the twins.

Gia and I text regularly. She is happy in Tampa again, and far enough away from the coast to have weathered both Hurricanes unscathed. About once a month we get on Zoom so I can see her gorgeous smile. We are planning a Zoom call on Thanksgiving.

I received a drunk call from Tinkerbell late Friday night. She was walking home from the bar. I think her boyfriend Tech doesn't approve of our relationship. I don't blame him. While I consider it more of a father/daughter type bond at this point, I can see how it can be intimidating. Tink wanted me to know that T-Rex is doing good. He is away, at Central Michigan University now. 

I think Tinkerbell is sacrificing her happiness for the T-Rex's future. "Don't ever think, I don't love," Tinkerbell stated more than once. "You are my Luke." This is a reference to a character on the show Gilmore Girls. "Lorelai ended up marrying Luke." I assured her that wouldn't happen with us.

Tink's unhappiness was palatable. More from what she wouldn't talk about than what she did. I do miss her. I miss the days when we would talk for hours on the phone. This conversation just leaves me perplexed.

Are we all just trapped in unhappy lives? Some of us just coping better than others.

Weather And

 The weather was peculiar this weekend. Saturday morning, it rained, and it has been raining often. As Saturday progressed, it turned hot and muggy. I did my shopping early and stayed inside with the air conditioning. Sunday was the complete opposite. Sunday was overcast and unseasonably cool. I kept the windows shut Sunday because it was in the mid-to-low-sixties.

Sam and I went to an art fair along the river in St. Clair on Sunday despite the weather. Fifty to sixty vendors had tents set up in the park along the boardwalk.  Sam and I like this art show. It is in a nice location, with live music and several outdoor restaurants. 

Neither of us bought anything. I often like looking at the artist's goods and thinking I could do the same thing. It is one of the many alternative career paths I could have if I set my mind to it. 

It took a few art fair photos and sent them to Gia this morning. She would have liked it. Gia and I continue to send texts to each other almost every day. Sometimes, it is just a simple good morning. Other times, we will exchange pictures, articles, or GIFs.  Outside of my twins, Gia is the person I consistently communicate with most. It is nice, and yet I find it odd. I don't know when or if I will ever see her again. 

I like Gia; I just don't know what to do with her. Sometimes, I feel she thinks the same way. I will try again to get her to go to Utah with me. She will probably decline, yet it doesn't hurt to ask. My latest pitch is having her meet me in Salt Lake City. She can fly there, and I will drive the Gladiator. From there, we can spend the week in Utah. She would abhor spending so much time with someone, but I understand her need for space. Personally, I think it would be an amazing time.

Bay-O-Rama

After a week of work, I swung by Gia's Airbnb in Ferndale on Friday evening. She greeted me in peach-colored exercise shorts, a grey spaghetti-strap tank top, and a stylish black and grey cap. We headed back to my condo so I could change while Gia relaxed on the couch, engrossed in her phone.

Once ready, we hopped into my Gladiator and set off for New Baltimore. I had promised to take her to Bay-O-Rama, the local festival. The sun was blazing as we arrived, the air thick with humidity, though the forecast hinted at an impending downpour.

Downtown New Baltimore hosted Bay-O-Rama, a modest affair with carnival rides, games, a beer tent, and various booths. Gia was up for anything; her adventurous spirit was evident as we explored the carnival attractions. We even tried our hand at a balloon-popping game and scored a small stuffed lion as a prize. Gia couldn't resist getting a caricature sketch done of herself.

As the sky darkened and raindrops began to fall, we sought refuge at Finn's Restaurant, sitting comfortably under the awning of the upstairs patio bar. The downpour arrived in full force just as our food was served. While most patrons scurried indoors for shelter, Gia and I stayed put, relishing the dramatic weather and our delicious meal.

Returning to the Gladiator under a gentle drizzle, we made our way back to my condo, both of us smiling despite being slightly damp. Gia was a joy to be around—considerate, affectionate, yet emotionally distant in bed. I found myself pondering why I was drawn to someone seemingly unattainable. It's funny how when you're infatuated, you tend to see the best in someone, even if reality might be more complex.

Gia possesses many appealing qualities, and I'm drawn to her physically. She has a radiant smile. While I don't see her as someone suited for a long-term relationship, she would make an excellent companion for short-term adventures, provided she's open to it. So far, she is not.

Gia left for home Monday night, feeling homesick and mentally drained despite her efforts to stay until the end of the month. I'm uncertain when or if she'll return; perhaps not until September, if at all. Despite Gia not being what I'm actively seeking, I find it difficult to let go, perhaps because no one else fits the mold.

Not Enough Glue

 Gia has a captivating smile. When she truly smiles, her eyes sparkle, the years fall from her face, and she has a youthful innocence. Gia has been in Michigan for a month and is getting homesick. As the weather shifts to summer, the club is slowing down.

Gia: I may leave sooner. Work is getting annoying. A lot of cheap dudes, and I'm tired of spending money on a rental car. 

Bathwater: How soon are you thinking?

Gia: I don't know. Pretty soon, honestly. I'll see how tonight goes. Maybe next time, I'll only get an Airbnb for two weeks, not a whole month.

Bathwater: I figured it would slow down once the weather kicked in. Today is Father's Day.

Gia: You were right. I forgot it is Father's Day :(.

Bathwater: Do you want me to come down and keep you company for a bit?

Gia: It's up to you. That's a far drive.

I drove across town to the club. An accident caused the fifty-minute drive to take an extra twenty-five minutes. I arrived at eight forty-five. It was the first time I had been to the club since April. Gia and I have been seeing each other outside the club on Fridays. 

There were more dancers than customers. I got a booth, and Gia and I camped out for most of the night between her trips to the stage. She tried approaching a few other customers without luck. 

"You have come a long way since we first met. You are less stubborn," I tell her.

Gia and I are sitting in the booth. Gia is wearing an orange micro bikini. Her legs are stretched out across my lap. 

"I have been working on that with you," she tells me. 

I wish there was more of a connection between Gia and me. There are so many differences, and there is not enough glue. 

Not The Nail

 I don't know why I haven't been taking the time to write more. Many things go by without me recording them here. I find it hard to recreate the events in a narrative that pleases me. This is ironic considering all the tools we have today to improve our writing. 

I have been communicating very little with anyone lately. I told Gia I reached out to her more than anyone else, which surprised her, considering we don't text much. 

Brit sits across from me on the couch. She is talking to me about her relationship with the guy from California. They met on Instagram. Brit flew out to see him. This guy lives with two roommates, both women. One was supposed to be his cousin, but Brit never sees this cousin and isn't sure she even exists. 

The red flags continue to pile up. First, the guy says he is in his low forties. It turns out he is fifty. He has five kids by three women that he never mentioned to her. He is a graffiti artist and likes to tag trains—at fifty?

The conversations she tells me are him gaslighting her. Brit is a psychology major. It is the classic case of a person with mental issues seeking answers. Brit is visibly upset over this guy. I wanted to tell her he sounded like a big loser who would not bring her happiness, but you can't fight emotion with logic. The whole conversation reminds me of the YouTube short  It's Not About The Nail.

I shut down the conversation by leading Brit upstairs. 

Nothing is Perfect

I have been seeing both Gia and Brit. Both could be better. I enjoy hanging out with Gia. She is opening up to me slowly but plans to stay only through June. She is still hard to get close to, which makes intimacy difficult for me. Gia knows it, and I know it. Mostly because I want more from her.

On Sunday, I picked Gia up from her AirBnB. 

Gia: (You can pick me up.) As long as you take me to Walmart, that's the deal. 

Bathwater: No problem.

Gia: And UPS. I need to mail out my rent.

We stopped at both so she could run errands and then head into New Baltimore for lunch. After we ate, we walked through a small fleamarket before returning to my condo. 

*      *      *

Brit came over Tuesday night. She spent the first forty-five minutes telling me about a long-distance boyfriend (sort of) who lives in California. She is upset with him, but not over him. The guy has so many red flags around him that she should be running away from him. Brit seems immature for her age, probably due to some past relationship. Naive and vulnerable are the words I would use to describe her even though she is thirty.

Gia, Royal Oak

On Friday, I left work at noon. Due to unpredictable weather, I planned to meet Gia at the Somerset Mall at 1:00 p.m. Gia knows her way around the area. At one point, she lived in Detroit for five years. I am surprised we never crossed paths in the past. 

Gia wore rose-colored yoga pants and a light jacket. I wore jeans, a white T-shirt, and a short-sleeve blue button-down. We walked around the mall and checked out clothes in a few stores. Gia is petite, 4' 11", which becomes evident when she does not wear six-inch heels. She has a hard time finding clothes. She can fit into clothes in the kid's section. It's not always the outfit you want when you are a woman in your mid-thirties. Gia bought herself a hat with Detroit written on it. I purchased some Legos from the "pick-a-brick" wall. 

After getting out steps in at the mall, we headed down to Royal Oak. The weather was warm and clear, but storms threatened to come through later. In Royal Oak, we wandered through a few shops, ate frozen custard, and then had sushi. 

While in one clothing store, I noticed Gia checking her phone more than usual. I joked that she had other guys she was talking to in Detroit. Gia said no; she was trying out one of the mutually beneficial dating sites. We sat on a bench outside the store.

"I'm not going to lie," Gia continued. "It is the same as being in the club."

I looked at her, confused, "It is what I offered up when we first met."

Gia mentioned her back couldn't handle all the stage work anymore and that things had changed. 

"I have never hidden my desire to sleep with you," I told her. "If you are considering starting a mutually beneficial arrangement, you should have asked me."

"I don't want to make things awkward between us."

"The only way it would be awkward would be if you didn't want to be there," I assured her. "If you don't want to be there, don't do it with me."

We said our goodbyes and parted ways without setting up a meeting date. It was a fun day. We always have fun. Gia and I are comfortable together. 

Options

 Gia is back in Detroit, which surprised me. She indicated she was thinking about coming back, but then, on Monday, she texted me, saying she was coming back on Tuesday.

Gia: I'll be in Michigan tomorrow.

Bathwater: What? Tomorrow? Thanks for the heads up.

Gia: Hah

Bathwater: How long do you plan on staying?

Gia: A while.

Bathwater: Well, that narrows it down.

Gia: A month to start.

I said Gia needed to let me take her to dinner on Friday for her birthday. She doesn't like working the weekends anyway, so I told her we could hang out in Royal Oak. I would take her to all the worst places.

Brit still seems to be interested in continuing to get together. We are hanging out on Thursday. With summer approaching, it is nice to have options.