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Matt Bateman
Alpha
38.2K posts
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Matt Bateman
Alpha
@mbateman
Philosopher at @alphaschool, Principal at @montessorium, husband to @Gena_I_Gorlin, father to the creatures in my dadpoasts
Austin, TX
mattbateman.xyz
Joined April 2007
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  • Pinned
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    Matt Bateman
    Alpha
    @mbateman
    Apr 4, 2024
    We Shall Poast Good Tweets Here Viral, If We Can Obscure, If We Must But Always Good Tweets
    217K
  • user avatar
    Matt Bateman
    Alpha
    @mbateman
    Jul 29, 2024
    25 min of following 1yo, sped up 10x to 2.5 min Nearly zero interference or even interaction as he severally pursued his little side quests I love this age
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    17M
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    Matt Bateman
    Alpha
    @mbateman
    Sep 25, 2025
    Report from 5yo’s school
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    1.7M
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    Matt Bateman
    Alpha
    @mbateman
    Nov 28, 2024
    Crazy that “vanilla” is colloquial for “ordinary” as if vanilla wasn’t an S-tier, insanely expensive spice
    2.8M
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    Matt Bateman
    Alpha
    @mbateman
    Jul 28, 2025
    me: Please do not help [2yo] open the door 5yo: But he can’t do it me: He believes that he can. In this house we abide by Montessori’s maxim of never helping a child with a task that he believes that he can do himself 5yo: But he’s wrong 5yo: That rule is silly
    2.4M
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    Matt Bateman
    Alpha
    @mbateman
    Nov 21, 2024
    Montessori school sent home this photo with the caption “Introduced hammering nails into a pumpkin” like that’s supposed to be somehow self-explanatory
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    1.4M
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    Matt Bateman
    Alpha
    @mbateman
    Aug 24, 2025
    Was hanging a picture 12 feet up and stepped away for a minute and came back to 2yo
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    1.3M
  • user avatar
    Matt Bateman
    Alpha
    @mbateman
    Aug 16, 2024
    Shot, chaser
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    2.1M
  • user avatar
    Matt Bateman
    Alpha
    @mbateman
    Nov 24, 2022
    How long should I soak cast iron before putting it in the dishwasher?
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    Matt Bateman
    Alpha
    @mbateman
    Aug 14, 2024
    We gave 4yo an iPad and set it up to offer her three affordances: 1. Take pictures 2. Type in notes 3. Text with a handful of people (family, a couple of family friends) The last one is the big hit. And it is *amazing*. It is immensely developmentally valuable. Why? Well…
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    4.5M
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    Matt Bateman
    Alpha
    @mbateman
    Mar 21, 2024
    4yo now deploying “perhaps”, as in, “I will leave this leaf here for a creature to eat—perhaps a caterpillar” Hardest part of being a parent is not bursting with delighted laughter and smothering them with hugs every time they speak
    485K
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    Matt Bateman
    Alpha
    @mbateman
    Dec 21, 2024
    10pm, heard faint noises from 1yo’s room, turned up baby monitor, he’s just laying in bed in the dark singing Jingle Bells to himself “vaffing fru the snowwww, horse a horse a sleeeiiigh” Then he fell back asleep Is it possible to have children so cute that you actually die
    404K
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    Matt Bateman
    Alpha
    @mbateman
    Sep 28, 2024
    [on tarmac] me: Hi, our 1yo might cry the whole flight lady 1: No worries, I’m a mother of four me: Hi, our 1yo might cry the whole flight lady 2: Just give him to me, I have grandma hands me: Hi, our 1yo might cry the whole flight gentleman: That’s fine, he is perfect
    1.6M
  • user avatar
    Matt Bateman
    Alpha
    @mbateman
    Sep 1, 2024
    My parenting campaign to use the terms “wise” and “foolish” with the children has finally paid off: 4yo asked “Is that wise?” when I was trying to lift a very heavy box. (It was not wise.)
    398K

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