Gotta get back, back to the past

i won’t lie, sometimes i’m very nervous commissioning people, but only because i’m just… not the best with communicating lol.

i don’t have many visual references of my characters, specifically full bodies, so i have to go with detailed descriptions and other visuals such as clothing references i find online, but even then i get so nervous because i don’t want to sound like i’m demanding or pushy.

for example my new yumesona, nico, is the very first character of mine to have a full body art piece done of them but that’s because i had a dress reference for them and they’re also barefoot/don’t wear shoes. they have a picrew on their profile, but now they have a full body so i can use it when commissioning others to draw them.

but ciel currently doesn’t have one, and i have a hard time trying to explain their physical appearance. thankfully one artist is lenient and willing to go off by description, though i did send some online references of how i imagine ciel’s full-body appearance.

it really doesn’t help that i have partial aphantasia. 😔

at this point i should probably bookmark as many full-body picrews as i can despite almost none of them having accurate visual representation of my characters, especially my characters of color and one of my characters in a wheelchair.

I WISH I DIDN'T HAVE A SHORT TERM MEMORY ARGHHHHH

i forgot how much a commission costed and i'm SO embarrassed, and i forgot if i paid or not. my mom hasn't bitched about me spending $3 on my ciel GIF (yet) but my GOD i wish i had a super brain...

"autism is fun," they said. "neurodivergency makes you unique," they said. me when i can tell you ciel's entire backstory and their exact favorite shade of blue down to the hex code, but then i can't remember where i put my wallet.

please god just LET ME REMBER.

i wish toyhouse's inbox wasn't so weird, i'm used to DMs like iMessage and discord but having to remember conversations and go through every single message in my inbox is HELL. just let me REMEMBER THINGS, brain!!!

insert the "yes honey" meme but it's me and ciel. also before you say anything, yes, i know they look like dimitri from fire emblem. i swear it was a coincidence and i wasn't even thinking at the time. you will need a toyhou.se account to see their profile, but i have a couple of invites if anyone would like one.

anyway, ciel has become such a massive comfort character, and i'm honestly a little embarrassed to admit, i had some extra money from my savings and splurged a lot of it on commissions of them and a few other characters. ciel is a haughty and vain person, and they're very morally grey. but for some reason, i just feel very attached to them. they're very brave too, despite their recklessness, and they're also very determined.

they lost their eye after an explosion in their laboratory (they're an alchemist). ciel's ultimate goal is to achieve immortality, and they'll go to great lengths reaching that goal. in my original novel, immortality is considered unnatural while illness and death are. when ciel lost their mother, they felt that they lost their own humanity. they sought out the best of the best doctors, healers, and priests to save their mother, but to no avail. so they took matters into their own hands at a small age: to become a god themselves.

but during their research, they became so obsessive and absorbed, that their family has not been able to contact them despite living in the same roof. ciel only comes out to eat and use the bathroom, but they never meet any guests, and they never attend any formal meetings. they're a count, but they're also a hermit.

you can read more about them on their profile (again, you need a toyhou.se account, but feel free to ask me for an invite), and if you want i would love questions about them. and if you have a character you'd like to have a friendship with, we can always talk about it. ciel is a difficult person to befriend, and they will abandon everyone if it means advancing towards their goals. but currently, their world is in a state of corruption, so they've swallowed their pride and allied themselves with a group of soldiers called the luminaries. ciel is only aligning themselves with the group because if the goddess dies and the world evaporates from corruption, then that means ciel's immortality will not save them from the end.

i should mention: ciel's immortality does not mean they're an all-powerful, mighty god. they can feel pain, they require food and water and shelter. ciel's immortality is simply a "pause button," where they no longer physically age. they never actually thought any of the consequences of immortality through, including the fact that they can and will feel immense pain. they just cannot die unless the goddess dies.

and the goddess is slowly losing her life force.

anyway, feel free to check out their bio or ask me questions. i'd really love to infodump about them, they're a really precious character to me, and it would make me happy if i could write or roleplay as them briefly some day.

trivia

• ciel and their half-brother, edgar, are heavily inspired by the story of the gemini twins; one twin was a mortal who died, and the other was an immortal son of zeus. pollux is similar to ciel, while castor is similar to edgar.


• they were created on january 26, 2026, and their profile on toyhouse was created on july 14, 2026. their profile was completed on july 16, 2026 but i often add little extra revisions to it.


• their appearance is not based on dimitri from fire emblem, and is purely a coincidence. i do know what dimitri looks like, but at the time of ciel's designing stage, i just liked the image of a blond androgynous person with an eyepatch. they lost their eye from their own accident rather than a war.

Which fictional character do you want to put through a blender (lovingly/hatingly) and why? (I say this as someone who has a beloved character I adore and my love language for him is wishing he'd covered in his own blood) - asuraid

so many of the identity v characters including mike (lovingly) and antonio (hatingly).

( blood, yandere themes cw )