I don’t even know how many that makes anymore. 5, 6?

Every two years like clockwork and I’m not even joking.

Every other Summer I’m down there wipping out my card and paying a bunch of money on a stupid cell phone.

I am ABSOLUTELY NOT paying big money for one of the damn things either.

And for anyone who wants to say, “well there ya go ya cheapskate, you get what you pay for”.

Not so Grasshopper.

While I’m bitching and griping to the guy behind the counter about it, he tells me he has the same problem with THIRTEEN HUNDRED DOLLAR PHONES!!!

Screw that!

I don’t even know what just the phone cost because of course you have to get the screen protector and a new case.

Which has some kind of Orange shit all over it.

Excuse me people, I’m not 14 years old. I don’t give a rat’s ass about your bling.

I’m 66 fucking years old. I just want a plain old Black Plastic motherfucker that does the job, OK?

But no.

Don’t have those in stock.

Whatever.

Bonus round just for fun, the new phone comes with a charging cable but no wall wart.

Oh no no no, you gotta buy that separate!

Insert face palm here.

The one I have been getting don’t have the little SIM cards in them. Now they have to sit them side by side and download everything wirelessly. Of course those rotten fuckers at GOOGLE are involved because all my videos and pictures somehow automatically get sent to them and are stored in that ONE DRIVE cloud shit which I ABSOLUTELY HATE!!

I have tried repeatedly to shut that off but somehow every time I turn around it’s back.

Out the door, I think it all came to about $375 and it took an entire hour.

The old one shit the bed after I was texting my brother and sent him a picture.

It locked up tighter than a Preacher’s prick in a calf’s ass.

I tried restarting it and it went through all the bullshit like it always does and then the screen went black and wouldn’t do anything. So I tried it again with the same result.

Fuck hat noise!

Because I have to use these things at work all the time and they actually kick me an extra $60 a month to go towards my phone bill, I am not even playing around with this shit.

I had the choice of them giving me a work phone, which absolutely not, if I can help it or give me some extra money to use my personal phone.

Theirs came with an encyclopedia of rules and horse shit I ain’t even messing with.

So down to the phone store I went.

The old one will get tossed in a drawer in an old tool box with the rest of them I have collected over the last 10 years until the day I decide they are taking up too much space and I pitch them.

Hopefully this one will last until I am fucking retired and I won’t have to worry about even having one of the fucking things anymore If I don’t want to.