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Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2026/07/asked-for-feminine-hygiene-supplies-in-front-of-a-male-coworker-getting-out-of-lunch-with-a-colleague-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=39615

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Should I not have asked for feminine hygiene supplies in front of a male colleague?

I work at a hospital in a non-clinical role. I am a woman and was training a new hire, which involved us going to a patient ward at one point. I realized I was having my period while we were there, and after we assisted with a problem there, I asked the unit representative, “Do you have any feminine napkins?” She bought us over to a supply closet and handed me one from there. My colleague and I walked back to our office, and I went to the bathroom to apply the liner. He didn’t say anything about it, but in retrospect I’m wondering if it was inappropriate or I should have been more discreet.

Nope, that was fine. If he’s working in medicine — or really, if he’s planning to be around women in any capacity — he’ll need to deal with it. And you’re arguably doing a social good by being matter-of-fact about it.

Related:
can I send a male assistant to get me tampons?

2. How can I transition away from lunches with my coworker?

I’ve been at my state government job for almost two years. I started in a different division and moved to a new division in the same department about six months ago. At my old division, I started at the same time as a woman, Marie, who was a similar age/vibe (I thought) as me, so we naturally became friends. The old division was a pretty bad fit culturally for me so I did genuinely appreciate having someone who felt like a true (work) friend. We sat next to each other and it became the assumption we’d have lunch/go on walks whenever we were both in the office, which was twice a week at that time. I did appreciate her friendship at the time but as I got to know her, I realized she was not really someone I wanted to be my friend, as she is a bit off-putting and frankly a little unhinged.

However, I’ve now switched divisions (and floors but same building) and am in a much much better place. There are people here that I vibe much better with and I would love to grow my social/work connections here. Or just have lunch by myself sometimes, it’s a nice break!

While Marie and I are no longer on the same floor, there is still an assumption that we have lunch together every day. My ideal situation would be having lunch with her maybe once a week and a walk sometimes, but I don’t know how to make the transition! We’ve moved from two days in the office to four, so she is becoming increasingly hard to avoid.

Be straightforward! “I want to spend some time getting to know my new coworkers so I’m not going to be going to lunch as much anymore, but maybe we can plan on lunch or a walk on Thursdays?”

But since you describe her as off-putting and a little unhinged, do you really want to see her weekly or is that just you being nice? If it’s the latter, you really don’t need to commit to weekly lunches either! You could say, “I want to spend some time getting to know my new coworkers so I’m not going to be around for lunches for now and you should go without me.” Or, “Now that I’ve moved, I’m not going to be around for our lunches as often since I want to get to know people on my new team. Don’t plan on me from now on, but I’ll let you know when I do have some free time!”

3. Employee recognition program is only about never complaining

Is it normal to have a monthly employee recognition program that always starts its recognition with a reference to the recipient not complaining? Today’s reference was, “He never complains. He always does what is asked and just puts his head down.”

I do admit I have a problem with employee recognition programs. I think they lose focus very quickly and other options are available to show support of staff.

I believe this recognition started as a way for management to recognize a couple of people each month and eventually go through everyone in the department as a way to improve morale. This would be a huge and unnecessary strain trying to come up with something for everyone. It also loses a purpose if everyone just waits for their turn. I also understand managerial frustrations with general complaining.

The first recognition was given to one of the department bullies. It was initially referred to as a staff spotlight from management. It has now become taking nominations that management reviews. The chosen recipient gets a certificate and a small treat like a candy bar after a short presentation about how said recipient does not complain. Am I right to feel bothered by all of this?

Yes. If it were just the recognition program itself, it wouldn’t be such a big deal. It would be poorly executed if everyone knows they’re just systematically running through everyone and there’s no real connection to actual performance, but whatever, companies do eye-rolly things all the time.

But centering the recognition around “not complaining” — every time! — is bizarre. That’s what your management focuses on when they think about good work? Nothing about actual work quality, or helpfulness, or initiative, or problem-solving?

4. Laid off but asked to keep working

I work for a large (Fortune 500) company and my division just announced huge layoffs. I was shocked to find out my position was eliminated as I was on a small, overworked team handling high priority work. They seem to think AI can do more than it can … but that’s not why I’m writing in. We’re not sure yet what the total impact is, but likely 50% of the overall division and 80-90% of my 80-person team.

We’ve been having layoffs (though much smaller in scale) for a few years, so I’m generally prepared for a layoff. But there’s a weird twist — I’m being asked to work for an additional three months. After that, I’ll get paid for two months (including severance). Only a handful of people are in the same position as me. Most were laid off effective of the announcement date.

What should I be doing? I’ll start applying for new roles and getting ready to claim unemployment. But I don’t know how to handle the awkwardness of still working! I told a bunch of coworkers (on different, less impacted teams) that I was being laid off before I found out the twist. Obviously I want to mentally check out (hello, noon Pilates class) and do the bare minimum, but I also am someone who always wants to do the best job possible and want good references.

You shouldn’t entirely check out because you still want good references, but you don’t need to go above and beyond either. Get your work done within your normal work hours and document things where you can, but you don’t need to be emotionally invested anymore or work excessive hours. (Technically you never needed to be emotionally invested, but if you’re a conscientious person, that’s usually easier said than done. Regardless, now you really don’t need to be.) Figure you can be glad you’re getting an additional few months of pay and a head start on job searching, and in return you’ll do a fine but not outstanding job.

As far as awkwardness, people will generally follow your lead. If you’re matter-of-fact about it, even breezy, people will generally treat you pretty normally once they pick up on that.

5. Job hunting while in recovery

I’ve recently graduated from a graduate program in Clinical Mental Health Counseling and am seeking my first job out of school. I’m also in recovery. I crashed out while I was in school, took a semester off, went through a treatment program, and am happy to say that I’ve been sober for just about two years. Very few people know the full reason I took time off, and the few who do know have been very supportive. Apparently, there are more counselors in recovery than I would have supposed, which I probably shouldn’t be surprised by — addiction doesn’t discriminate. I take maintaining my sobriety very seriously — I’m in therapy, I have medication management, I go to meetings twice weekly, and have other supports I can lean on in times of crisis.

In my job hunt, there are, naturally, many programs geared specifically towards addiction treatment, as well as larger clinics that provide many types of services, including addiction treatment. I don’t think it would be good for me to jump into addiction treatment. Two years of sobriety is considered to be the bare minimum for counselors in recovery to treat people in active addiction, and I don’t want my own issues to keep me from being present for my clients, who are paramount. I certainly don’t want to be triggered into relapsing and messing up everything I’ve worked so hard to achieve. But the job market is brutal out there, and I’d like to apply to larger orgs that have multiple programs, some of which I think would be just fine for me.

Is there any way to say to a prospective employer that I’m in recovery and so I can’t work in the addiction treatment portion of their programs? I’m worried that I might get hired for, say, outpatient work but then find myself in addiction treatment — I’ve heard horror stories where counselors were hired for one position at these larger clinics but then were quickly shifted to a completely different role that they didn’t want and were miserable in. Complicating things, there may not really be hard-and-fast distinctions between programs, as people can be in treatment for both severe mental health disorders and substance abuse. If someone periodically asked me to sub in for a group for addictions even though that’s not my usual job (a totally normal and reasonable request), would I be okay to do that? I genuinely don’t know! This brings up a lot of shame, which I try not to wallow in.

I don’t want employers to think I’m a liability because of being in recovery. Even in the mental health field, there can still be bias. I also don’t want to waste anyone’s time. Being in recovery doesn’t preclude me from ever working in addiction treatment. I do think I need more time in sobriety, however, and would like to slowly work my way up to it.

If you get an offer from a larger clinic where this could be a risk, bring it up once you have the offer. Be matter-of-fact about it: “Because I know you also offer addiction treatment, I want to be up-front that I’m in recovery and not ready at this point to work in that area. I know this role is in X but I want to be transparent that I wouldn’t be available switch to addiction treatment if that’s something that ever might be asked of the person in this role.”

Or you could just wait and see if it ever comes up once you’re on the job, since it may not. But if it did, you could lay it out similarly at that point.

The post asked for feminine hygiene supplies in front of a male coworker, getting out of lunch with a colleague, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2026/07/asked-for-feminine-hygiene-supplies-in-front-of-a-male-coworker-getting-out-of-lunch-with-a-colleague-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=39615