Devilc's Den

The "no means no" chants against Carter Hart have me seeing red. They are 100% social justice cosplay, and it's an unfunny farce of a performance that accomplishes nothing for survivors of sexual assault (like me) and is unsettling/traumatic for some survivors of SA.

Believe women doesn't mean that no woman ever lies -- I was once questioned in an investigation at my collage against an instructor wrongfully accused of inappropriate behavior with a female student. Believe women means take the allegation seriously and follow up with a prompt investigation. (I was in the room at all times when she stated he grabbed her ass in front of the class. I can categorically state that never happened. Our fencing coach was a Russian of the Old Skool and had chewed her out in front of class, and she didn't like that.)

I have read all 90+ pages of the Court's verdict.  The Crown brought a weak case, and the Judge is right that the crown could not meet the burden of proof for rape, based on the established facts.  (Not to say that gross, cavalier, objectifying, and entitled behavior didn't happen in that room -- it did, and CH was a part of that. The book We Breed Lions explains so very much about the toxic culture of Hockey Canada's youth program that McLeod -- the actual ringleader here -- and the rest of them came out of.)

If people really want to bring about meaningful change that will help prevent what happened with EM and the Hockey 5 they should push for fact based, medically accurate, comprehensive sex education. (Which I assure you, boys who left home at 15 to more or less attend a hockey trade school -- with some school work tacked on -- never got.)

One that goes into detail about:

• issues of consent, like power dynamics

• how consent is an ongoing process -- check in early and often

• the fact that nobody is owed sex, EVER

• that consent can be withdrawn at any point in an encounter -- a person's body is their own and they have the right to stop anything that doesn't feel good or feel right for them. (Yes, even when it's your spouse. Yes, even if they're a sex worker.)

• if you are too drunk/high to drive, you are too drunk to consent to sex (Everybody in that room was too drunk to consent.)

• "slut shaming" is a tool of oppression and is toxic to both men and women. (EM's allegations can also -- understandably -- be seen an attempt at reputation repair. She was a "good girl" and a good girl could never, ever want to have a group sex encounter*, doncha know?)

• never do anything that could be taken as preventing somebody from leaving an encounter. If somebody wants to leave, let them go.

Also, to all the people saying that Carter Hart should be grilled by the press about what happened in that room. No. We don't need another trial by press, we've already had that. Hart took the stand, and what he admitted to was frankly embarrassing on multiple levels -- very little in his conduct that night reflects well on him. We are not owed any further statements from him, and I understand why he's not eager to revisit that night. In part because no matter what he says, it will never be enough for some people.

Also, keep in mind, every time this issue comes up, it focuses further scrutiny on EM and opens her to invasions of her privacy, too.

Frankly I am angrier at Coach Quennville and the rest of Blackhawks leadership regarding the rape of Kyle Beach by a member of the coaching staff than I will ever be at the Hockey 5.  They were mature, sober adults who have no excuse for their conduct in the matter.  NONE.  I am a mandatory reporter for my job.  Had I acted as they did, I would be fired and barred from ever working for the state/county/city again.  The fact that Quennville and other members of the staff are back working in coaching positions is another reason I have a very dim view of Roger Crowell  Gary Bettman.  (There is a link to the full report at the end of the linked article above.  It is graphic and disturbing on so many levels. You are warned.)


I'm turning off comments on this one, because I don't want to deal with people making comments that show they have not bothered to acquaint themselves with the facts of the case in any meaningful way.  For example, the fact that a drunk CH asked a drunk EM for that blow job, and she said yes.  He stopped it less than a minute after it started because he couldn't get hard. Or the fact that EM bought all her drinks except one, and the one she did not buy was handed directly to her, which contradicts her statement they bought her drinks -- the camera footage from the bar does not lie.

And if she said yes only because she was too afraid to say no?  How the fuck would he have known that?  He's not a mind reader.  And he never got the kind of sex ed that would have helped him (and everybody else in that room) avoid a bad outcome.

Finally, this is not me saying that CH is a sweet guy who got done wrong. Though he's always kept his private life very private, there is no evidence of him having a steady girlfriend.  Ever.  In a sport where there is intense pressure to settle down and have kids. He rarely is even photographed with a woman of his age group.  if you dig around there's one post on Instagram of him several years ago with a woman who talked about going back to his house and "trying on his glove" (she is literally wearing his glove), and another with him and some friends at the lake, but that's about it.  The man is so fucking pretty he could have a career modeling, and he is not a chick magnet.  So either he's hella closeted (and what happened in that room was an attempt to show that no, I'm not gay!) or no woman wants more than one or two dates with him. Because Reasons. Like the fact that he's the Canadian equivalent of a MAGAt.

 

*There is nothing inherently immoral about wanting to participate in and/or watch a group encounter. Provided it's all consenting, with the reminder that sobriety is key to consent.