cutting through the twilight

... and oh my LORD no wonder I kept putting it off or having anxiety about them or both.

Executive dysfunction is the worst but by god I'm gonna actually try to get something Done this year from the Paperwork that Haunts Me.

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Today specifically, a bank errand I'm doing was Unsuccessful once again because of course they need More Papers I Don't Have Yet (that I need to go through a whole Process to obtain too).

I tried to research what would be needed for the Paper I Don't Have Yet, and as I was listening my brain basically Exploded because each requirement opened another can of worms of Paperwork I Haven't Fixed Yet.

I slammed my metaphorical hand on the "BREAK IN CASE OF EMERGENCY" button in my brain and sent a message to the business compliance professional who handled my business registration years ago instead. :'D

I am unfortunately just going to pay the potentially big ADHD tax upfront to hire someone and outsource this to someone who Actually Knows What They're Doing because I just CANNOT. The paralysis is awful!! I have other things to do, like work on printshop orders so I can Live!!

I think I am going to have to slam my hand on said button a couple of times this year because the weight of it all is crushing me so hard.

(I don't have unlimited money unfortunately but it beats freezing and doing Nothing, including Printshop work, because I'm too paralyzed to do Anything.)

I have been putting off many of the Paperwork I Haven't Fixed Yet for years at this point. Saying to myself "I'll do it... eventually!" isn't working, clearly. :')

To my credit, government processes here are notoriously hard to understand and difficult compared to other countries. Still. STILL.