Buckingham Palace Adds “No Drama” Clause to Guest Accommodation Agreement, Then Immediately Loses the Keys LONDON. Buckingham Palace has reportedly updated its guest policy to include a new provision requiring all overnight visitors to certify that they will not publish a memoir, record a documentary,…
Royal Family: Hoping the Next Reunion Outlasts the Confirmation Email London — Buckingham Palace officials remain optimistic that the next reunion between King Charles and Prince Harry will last longer than the average confirmation email from an online hotel booking service, after reports suggested that…
Reporters Accidentally Capture the Most British Conversation Ever Recorded at Wimbledon LONDON — Reporters from The London Prat found themselves seated both directly in front of and behind Pippa and Carole Middleton during Wimbledon, in what tennis historians are already calling the most significant seating…
Kate Middleton Accused of Being an AI Hologram After Committing the Crime of Changing Her Trousers LONDON Discovers a New Conspiracy Theory: The Princess Has More Than One Pair of Trousers LONDON. Kate Middleton’s fans are rallying to her defense this week after a small…
Buckingham Palace Quietly Reminds Prince Harry It Is a Palace, Not an Airbnb 🏰 “Buckingham Palace Is Not Available on Lastminute.com,” Royal Staff Explain While Pretending This Is Entirely About Scheduling LONDON. Buckingham Palace has reportedly unveiled a revolutionary new booking policy after Prince Harry’s accommodation…
Prince Harry’s UK Visit Cancelled After Britain Accidentally Forgets Where It Put Him | Palace aides check under sofa cushions, come up empty
Kate’s Bare Legs Declared National Security Issue as Britain Briefly Forgets Every Other Problem Palace Sources Confirm Princess’s Knees Are Performing More Public Service Than Half of Parliament LONDON — Britain briefly suspended discussion of taxes, potholes, immigration, inflation and the price of tea after Catherine, Princess…
Princess Kate has shown her bare legs, and Britain has responded with the solemn urgency normally reserved for war, recession, or a shortage of tea. In this satirical royal news bulletin from The London Prat, Morag Sinclair reports on the national commotion caused by the…
RAVEC Announces Prince Harry Safer Surrounded by Netflix Cameras Than British Police Royal Security Committee Unveils Revolutionary Strategy of Protecting Everyone Except the Person Asking for Protection LONDON — Britain’s Royal and VIP Executive Committee (RAVEC) proudly announced this week that Prince Harry is statistically much safer…
King Charles Dreams of Family Reunion Lasting Longer Than the News Cycle Palace Unveils New Five-Year Plan as Engineers Attempt to Build a Sentence Containing the Words “Harry,” “Meghan,” and “Lunch” Without Triggering a National Incident LONDON — Britain, a nation that once ran the…
Netflix Quietly Admits It Has Been Running the Royal Family This Whole Time Hollywood insiders are confirming what cynics have suspected since the first “tell-all” interview aired with suspiciously good lighting: Netflix isn’t documenting the Duke and Duchess of Sussex anymore. It’s directing them. And on their…
Princess Kate Conquers Britain’s Highest Peaks, Leaving Internet Critics Breathless From Typing LONDON — Within minutes of the princess reaching the final summit, thousands of online commentators began the far more demanding challenge of explaining why climbing three mountains wasn’t actually impressive. Experts estimate many…
Scientists Confirm Kate Burned More Calories in 24 Hours Than Parliament Does in a Decade LONDON — Scientists have reportedly confirmed that the Princess of Wales managed to burn more calories during the National Three Peaks Challenge than the entire British Parliament has collectively expended…
In a development so seismic that several senior accountants reportedly fainted directly into their Earl Grey, King Charles III has agreed to become the first modern British monarch to disclose his personal tax bill — proving, at last, that even residents of palaces occasionally receive brown envelopes…
● LONDON — PRAT.UK ROYAL CORRESPONDENT William Invents Radical New Concept Called “Seeing His Own Children” Palace Sources Confirm Future King Has Recklessly Decided Family Members Should Occasionally Occupy the Same Room Prince William has reportedly embraced an alarming new constitutional doctrine: a monarchy in which fathers spend…
Historians Note Medieval Princes Also Preferred Forgiveness With Monthly Payments LONDON — Royal historians, financial analysts and several men currently hiding from their ex-wives have united in admiration this week after reports emerged suggesting that Prince Harry’s latest understanding of family reconciliation begins with the…
LONDON, England. Prince Harry is reportedly seeking financial assistance from King Charles III, proving that no matter how many documentaries, memoirs, podcasts, interviews, Oprah sit-downs, and gently-lit candid photo opportunities a person produces, eventually every family group chat circles back to the one truly universal message: “Dad, could…
15 Observations About Prince William’s Secret Life LONDON — Royal Correspondent, The London Prat Britain has spent centuries constructing an elaborate mythology around its monarchy — divine right, sacred bloodlines, ermine-trimmed robes and the general impression that royal personages exist on a higher spiritual plane,…
Meghan Markle Royal Life: Palace Nearly Issued a PowerPoint Experts Confirm Curtsying to the Queen Does Not Require the Buddy System LONDON — Royal insiders are reportedly revealing that Meghan Markle frequently appeared bewildered during her early days in the monarchy, leading exhausted palace aides to consider…
Buckingham Palace Braces For International Curtsy Crisis As California, Canada And The Crown Dispute Custody Of One Five-Year-Old Officials Fear Princess Lilibet May Trigger First Transatlantic Etiquette Emergency Since An American Tourist Asked For Ketchup With His Yorkshire Pudding LONDON — Whitehall sources are reportedly drawing up…
🇬🇧 LONDON, England — Prince William Turns 44 on Father’s Day, Causing Britain to Experience an Emotion It Cannot Immediately Complain About Prince William committed what royal historians are calling an act of calendrical aggression Sunday when he turned 44 years old on the precise same…
Prince William Heroically Breaks Strict Royal Rule By Sending Prince George To The Exact Same School As Every Other Royal Palace Celebrates Bold Educational Innovation Known As “Doing What We Were Always Going To Do Anyway” LONDON — In what royal commentators are describing as…
Future Monarch Shocked To Discover Britain Already Has A Constitution And It Is Mostly School Rules Eton Prefects Confirm Authority Derived From Ancient Tradition, Confusingly Similar To The Entire British Government ETON, ENGLAND — Prince George reportedly experienced his first genuine constitutional crisis this week…
Britain Relieved To Discover Royal Drama Has Returned To Traditional Format Of Passive Aggression And Fancy Hats LONDON. Well. That’s a relief. After years of streaming contracts, transatlantic sulking and the occasional six-part documentary about somebody’s feelings, the country can finally unclench. The royal feud…
London Trooping the Colour Now the Pageantry the City Does Best | The annual spectacle showcases ceremony at its most magnificent
London Royal Guards Confirmed Immune to Tourists’ Best Efforts | Visitors fail once again to make the famously stoic soldiers react
Prince Harry Plans UK Return, Immediately Applies For Witness Protection From His Own Relatives LONDON — The Duke of Sussex is expected back on British soil next month, and royal sources confirm he has begun making the customary arrangements: hotel, transport, and a sophisticated relocation programme…
Princess Anne Proudly Confirms Son Finally Found Stable Career In Competitive Field Of Expensive Handshakes “Peter always had a gift for smiling at wealthy strangers,” says relieved mother. LONDON After decades of uncertainty over what exactly the eldest grandchild of the late Queen Elizabeth II did for…
Buckingham Palace Introduces New Motto: “God Save The King From Himself” LONDON ● THE LONDON PRAT — Buckingham Palace has reportedly unveiled an updated royal motto for the twenty-first century: “God Save The King From Himself.” The change follows growing concerns that Prince William, heir to the throne and father of…
Charles Leaves Camilla the Ultimate Royal Inheritance: A Kingdom Full of People With Strong Opinions and No Actual Authority Palace sources confirm the King’s final gift includes several castles, three ceremonial spoons, and full responsibility for Britain’s national mood swings LONDON — Buckingham Palace officials…
